Goodbye letters to the old you

[hexi2]

Ok I know this is fairly personal but I thought I would start a thread for those of us who might want to share their goodbye letters. Goodbye to the old self...time to let go. This will help us with our journies to healing

[hexi2]

Dear Karrina,

I loved you, hated you and thought you were funny all at the same time. You were giving, generous and always wanting to please. You craved love and tenderness and often looked in the wrong places and made some bad decisions. You were kind yet carried around a deep sense of sadness. A sadness that for most of your life you were overweight.

You were the one in high school that was always so much bigger than all your friends – for that you were fun, friendly and humorous a tactic you used to gain acceptance. You hated confrontation and most of the time didn’t want to be too noticed…so it was easier to look for comfort in food. Food made you feel better but at the same time ripped you of much of the self confidence you so craved to have. You felt that people were forever judging you, you hated the fact that you were unable to find clothing and felt self conscious most of the time. You hated catching glimpses of yourself in the mirror You thought about your weight and the feelings associated with it on a daily occasion and felt that people ‘took notice’ of your weight.

Being overweight affected your ability to have confidence in yourself and in your own personal strength. You were the only person I knew – a friend yet an enemy that held me back for such a long time and I have been too scared to let you go, you were all that I knew for such a long time. I love you and I am going to miss you but the time has come for me to be the new, slim and confident person that was always on the inside of that fat shell.

I am sorry that I know longer need you but you were dragging me down and the time has come that I can no longer be that person that you are or that you were trying to keep me be.

I have changed as does most in life and even though most people, friends and family only ever remember me as that ‘fat person’ they just have to get used to the new Karrina, if they don’t like her then that is her loss because I choose her over you big time!. A slim, confident and happy person, I am learning all about the new Karrina and falling in love with her.. On her journey she has displayed strength and courage to face up to her fears and how well she has done. She is discovering a better, new improved version so it’s time to trade you in….for the new model

May you always remain in the past as this is the only place you belong now…so goodbye to you and goodbye to the past….Goodbye to the fat Karrina

To the new Karrina I am very excited about getting to know you better as is everyone around you – ok so you are still learning the ropes but you are doing it and doing it well! You have achieved a goal weight that you never thought was possible it was something you honestly thought you could never be…but you were wrong!! How wrong you were.

Look at you now! OMG yes you have made it, yes you are size 8! And yes your unbelievable dream has come true. Give yourself a huge pat on the back, give yourself some time to feel the huge sense of achievement that you deserve and most importantly be kind to yourself – You are a beautiful, strong and magnificent woman who can do anything….absolutely anything and you are starting to learn how to believe it! So hello and welcome you will be here with me til my dying days and I am so very, very happy.

[pandora]

Very beautiful and thank you for your courage size 8 Karrina! Very poignant and expressive and i am priviliged to have had your inspiration to do the same for me over the next few days. Thank you again for this inspiring way to close the door on the past and move forward - almost like being reborn, with new thoughts, words and actions compelling us into a bright and exciting new chapter of life. Pandora (my letter will be to chubby wee Margaret, boring, ordinary and frequently mediocre!)

[Kohinoor]

Hi Hexi,

Damn, that is SUCH a great post !!

Enjoy and love the new you, girl - you SO deserve her

Koh

[shell]

Well done Hexi.

I could cut & past that letter to myself.

It rang so true, like a mirror to my own previous life.

Today might have to be your second rebirth day!!!
Thanks Hexi
Shell

[jacin]

well said Hexi i wouldnt be surprised if alot of women felt this way . Jacin

[thenewvee]

Great letter Karrina!

I can identify with many aspects of it, and I know that I will be writing a goodbye letter to the old fat Vee once thenewvee emerges victorious! Like you, I'm still having some trouble believing it will happen, but I have faith and intend to complete this journey to the end! You and so many others, sharing your journey is a great help as it certainly helps to read how others are dealing with issues that are coming up and others have dealt with them successfully.

Thanks!

Vee

[Liddie]

Wow, you really brought a lump to my throat. Thank you for your courage to share something so personal yet so inspiring.

I know all about being overweight all your life and wondering if you really could ever reach that incredible goal weight, but with living examples like yourself... What can I say but thank you for encouraging the new tender-emerging believe that THAT goal weight could actually be more than a stubborn fantasy.

Enjoy the new you, every day for the rest of your life!

[hexi2]

Great one Vee...love it! How did it make you feel?? Did you read it out alloud and then burn it?? Thats what the psych got me to do and it was fabulous!! Give it a go sweety you are kicking *****!!!

[ConnieK..]

Yep I agree... I did the read and burn thing too and it was great!

Vee you are a shining example hon and it's all good from here **hugs**

Connei

[Shanara]

Hmmmm Vee

You really touched my heart with your powerful statement. Lots of wisdom in your words. Thanks for sharing your very personal thoughts.

Go woman go! You rock!
Shanara

[Alli]

Wow. Seriously wow. This is a really powerful thread! Thanks for bumping it Koh. It makes me want to write my own letter, but maybe I am still a bit too fresh at the moment. This journey is so much more than just loosing weight and I applaud those who have been brave enough to share their stories - it is truly inspirational.

[goodlucktummy]

Powerful insights - your letters have echoed the secret pains I've buried in my heart. Hands-down, my favorite thread in this forum. THANK YOU

[Mich]

this is very powerful, its also in the book Im' reading called a course in weight loss. every time I start I get too scared and emotional

i think its a time thing.. great wonderful healing thread! Glad it was bumped.

[Sapphire]

Dear Sapphire’s Inner Fat Chick

You have held me captive for almost all of my adult life and only on rare occasions over the past 20+ years have I managed to escape your steadfast grasp upon me.

I struggled so hard against you to break free but each year your grasp would tighten. You gained power just a little by little and you crept up on me like a stealth combatant stalking his enemy. Once I was in your grasp I felt helpless. I felt like a deer in the jaws of a lion. The more I struggled, the more you exerted the power you had over me ensuring I understood who held the power – you had me exactly where you wanted me and I felt powerless against you.

I relaxed and began to think this is “my lot in life”.

Every now and again your nemesis the Inner Skinny Chick would stir inside of me and I would start a new escape plan to rid myself of you. I tried everything, Atkins, Lemon Detox, Dr Rensburg, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, the grapefruit Diet, Fit for Life, calorie counting, no fat diet, Low GI diet... you name it I tried it to try and escape you and not just once - over and over again resigning myself once again to “this is my lot in life” each time I failed. I managed to break free on a couple of occasions and taste freedom from you. The feeling was great but on each occasion it didn’t take long for you to hunt me down and inflict a lesson on the Inner Skinny Chick and imprison me again. My punishment for escaping was brutal and ruthless and it was to gain more weight and be heavier than you were previously. I was on that yo-yo string – you kept reigning control over me.

Was I never going to escape? Would the Inner Skinny Chick ever be brave enough to attempt escape again? All previous attempts failed – why would this time be different?

Today the blood rushes through my ears as I run. I am running to freedom and I am learning to run faster and faster each day to stay one step ahead of you in my bid to escape you forever. I have met a Doctor who is helping me escape your grasp. I have met a great group of supporters who have helped me through stage 1 and stage 2 to freedom. I am currently in my final stage of learning to be free from you forever. My Inner Skinny Chick is strong but I hear you behind me – screaming at me to “come back” but your voice fades a little more each week. I must be forever vigilant that your presence may lurk in the shadows, waiting for me to weaken so you can take control again. For that reason, I cannot say goodbye to you forever because you are such a powerful and determined force who has controlled me for most of my life. I will however, do whatever is necessary to stay out of your grasp so I never have to lay eyes on you again and never again feel your powerful jaws crushing the life from me.

I had begun to like you – you were comfortable!!! I began to accept I could live with you. You were so nice to me most of the time – persuasive and influential and allowing me to eat wonderful foods which gave me great pleasure. You never had to be accountable for those great foods I ate. You would make me contentedly consume whatever you wanted without care. You made me happily and obliviously disconnect the foods I consumed to my body and what they were doing to it.

Today I see you through new eyes. I don’t like you! You have stolen my adult life but I have to take responsibility for allowing you to do that. I now know the tools to change my life forever so you cannot come back for me. You embarrass me. You are old before your time. You cannot run, you cannot walk 5km, you cannot walk 500m without getting breathless and having Achilles issues. You cannot easily stand on one foot and put your jogger on the other. You cannot snuggle into your man in the way in which I do. He loved the old you but he loves me more. You have lost him to me. You cannot wear the clothes I do. If you look deep inside you were never really happy – not the way I am. These comments may hurt you but I no longer care – it is the truth.

Today I say goodbye to you yet I know that you will always be lurking in the shadows just waiting for me and for this reason I must always stay fit and healthy to fight you off should you dare contemplate coming into my life again!

From the new, happy, proud, confident, courageous Sapphire

[Winterboots]

You wrote a fantastic letter Sapphire, you can express emotions so well. I can relate so much of your past life to my own life. For a newbe (me), you are inspirational and your posts and photos do flash across my mind when I am thinking "bad food thoughts" - you keep me focus.

[butterflydreamin]

I cried when I read your letter Sapphire - I related to that so much. Thank you so much for sharing. You have escaped her Sapphire because you will remain vigilant and you also have the tools you need now to be a successful maintainer.

And we will always be here on those very rare occassions in the future where you may doubt it is possible to have long lasting change

Thanks again for sharing

Butterfly xx

[Kohinoor]

Bump - for very obvious reasons - and all GOOD !!!

[forfreddie]

crying into my cornflakes (not really ) not a good look first thing in the morning.

amazing women inspirational letters. I hope to be able to add one of my own some day.

ff

[Dezzy]

To my fat self

I am now more a third of my way to my goal weight. I have lost nearly 24kg so although you are not yet at maintenance I want to say goodbye to you. I no longer want to be the fat person.

As a child you were the one that had the chubby round cheeks that aunties used to pinch and say “oh how cute…” as I got older, those same aunties would say “don’t worry its puppy fat… she’ll grow out of it”! You became the tubby toddler, the fat teen and the obese adult. You started your first diet when your mum took you to weight watchers as a thirteen year old. You were the only child in the meetings and you felt so self-conscious. You also felt the disappointment of your parents. Did you fail them in some way? Were you trying to nourish yourself after being deprived of your mothers care when she gave birth to your sister when you were thirteen months old? She didn’t care for you as much anymore as she had a baby to care for.

You started stealing money from your mums purse to pay for lollies at school, and you made your school lunches the night before so you could eat them secretly at night, then you would have to make more quickly in the morning so that you weren’t seen. You would eat your meals so quickly that you would be finished before anyone else then you could reach for seconds before anyone else could finish them. Were you calling out for their attention?

In school you were always the fat one. You struggled in gym classes, you hated doing PE in the mornings as a warm up for the day, you loathed swimming carnivals when you had to wear a bathing costume in front of all those people and you failed at all your sports. You could hear the kids and the teachers sniggering behind your back. The boys used to tease you and ask you on dates then tell you in front of others that you were too fat to go out with them. You were red-faced and sweaty on even the coolest of days as you struggled to keep up with other kids going from one classroom to the other. You cried yourself to sleep many times.

You struggled climbing stairs and getting up from a seated or kneeling position because your knees are damaged from the years of abuse. You dreaded having to get anything from the bottom shelves of things and you hated shopping for new clothes. Nothing that fitted you matched the colours you love. The tents that pass as clothes for big people are shapeless and ugly in dark depressing colours.

When you were pregnant, you held your clothes against your tummy and exaggerated your posture so that people saw the baby belly and didn’t just assume you were fat. Your pregnancies were considered high risk and you developed gestational diabetes that now puts your children at high risk for developing diabetes as adults. You can’t even run and jump and play with them. Who taught your daughter to skip? It wasn’t you – you can’t even hop without falling over!

Your weight affects the physical relationship you have with your husband. You don’t feel like getting even hotter and sweatier with him and you dread the thought of summer when it’s too hot to even have a sheet over you. At least the winter doona covers you and your rolls of fat.

Do you remember going to a restaurant for breakfast one Sunday with your family and you couldn’t fit into the chair? You prized yourself out of the chair and made your son swap so you could sit in the bench with no arms. As you sat down you looked across at the next table and saw the family there all looking at you and sniggering. It broke your heart, you went home and cried on your husband’s shoulder. You decided then and there to do something about your weight. Well, you never did… you tried on a few different occasions but never carried it through. It wasn’t until you got over 125kg that you finally found the strength to start properly.

But I now say goodbye. I want more from my life. I thank you for the many gifts you have given me. You have given me the love of my children and husband. You have given me the opportunity to rediscover myself.

Goodbye
Desireé (Dezzy)