findingmeagain says it all...

[findingmeagain]

Well today is day 1 and I feel pretty good really. I have just finished the last of my food for the day and I am not hungry at all. Drinking the water seemed pretty easy and I found the act of weighing everything and trying out different things to make it exciting really kept my focus off deviating (didn't even think about it today at all).

I have a very slight headache tonight but honestly think it's because I went to bed late last night and I'm tired. I really like the food, I love the crispbreads and fruit to tide you over between meals and spacing them out really keeps the hunger away.

I need to do this for me...I have lost all self-esteem, I avoid going out, I drive further to shop where I know I won't run in to people I know and I have lost all interest in dressing well as nothing looks good anymore. I need to do this for my kids...so I have more energy to do things with them, so I won't embarrass them, so I will be alive to see their children, and maybe their grandchildren!!

It really hit me in January when I broke my ankle at work and had surgery to correct it. You don't realise how heavy you really are until you have to lift your fat bum off a toilet with only one leg!! I couldn't do it...I had to get a toilet chair with handles! Try lugging your fat butt along on crutches, just going to the toilet was exhausting, let alone out to a Dr appt!! Every muscle in my upper body just ached, and that poor leg/foot that supported my whole weight alone couldn't go very far before feeling like it was about to collapse. Then standing on a foot that has been out of action for 6 weeks...with this weight!!

We went camping at easter time and I broke my camping chair...I have never been so embarrassed in my life!! I just can't do anything anymore...even putting on shoes or cutting toenails is damn hard! I am surprisingly healthy still...but I need to do this ASAP before that changes!!

I don't just want to do this...I NEED to do this...