Goodbye letters to the old you

[Dezzy]

I've just reread my letter! The tears are flowing again as I'm struggling once more to stay DF and I've forgotten the reasons I was doing this.

JC's letter to herself reminded me that I had also written to myself. I've now lost nearly 40kgs and am 2/3 of the way through my journey. I still see myself as the big girl and although I'm nowhere near the 125kg I was, I need to rekindle my enthusiasm for my journey.

I have so many blessings and so many things to be grateful for and so very many reasons for becoming the slim person I know is waiting for me!

[Ciors]

Tears are healing Dezzy, xxx

[Bronwyn1955]

My god Dezzy, what a read!! That is amazing how you poured your heart out for all the years when you were sad. That slim person is definately waiting for you and will be well deserved too. xx

[Kohinoor]

I'm amazed this thread doesn't have five stars !! Go on people - have a read, then Rate it.... Look for the Blue button along the top of the page.

aka Bump !!

[claireybell]

I need to write one. When I have a bit more time. Maybe that's my goal tonight as I near end of refeed... I want to say bye to that person forever. Rated 5 * from me!

[MH76]

DEZZY I just read your post and I'm crying..... What you wrote gave me so many of my own memories... My goodness.

I'm so glad we all decided to do this!!!!

Much love xx

[Dezzy]

Thanks MH. Its such a cathartic thing to do. Recommend it to everyone especially once you've finished. I'm working on a new one which I'll post when I'm at goal weight.

[claireybell]

To the old me... Goodbye.

Your legs rubbed and chaffed until they bled.
You cried attempting to purchase a bra - so big your head fits inside.
You hated shopping - who would when they're buying plus size??
You hadn't worn jeans in 5 years because of your size and the muffin top.
You didn't own a single top... Only dresses, tunics..whatever would hide the lumps and bumps.
You wore tights everyday. Even in 40+ degrees, with outfits that didn't suit tights. Because your legs were so lumpy and large, and the chaffing was agony.
You had bad skin.
You hated photos.
You avoided mirrors.
You told yourself you were big boned.
You got used to the sniggers and rude remarks and EXPECTED any insult would be weight related.
You felt sad for your boyfriend having to drag around such a lard.
You were puffed walking the stairs.
You were embarrassed at the gym.
Your legs ached in heels.

You tried everything. Nothing worked.

You gave up.

You were so desperately sad. Deeply, deeply sad.

I'm so glad you're gone.
I'm free now.

You taught me a lot. I won't ever go back there because I know the answer, and I know the happiness of being 20 kilos lighter. I know what this confidence feels like....it's nice to have a gap between my legs, to wear jeans and tops and clothes that are in fashion stores. I like to catch my reflection and agree it looks good. I like to think Matt has every reason to be proud of a girlfriend like me. I am happy with just the one chin... I don't need to be greedy like that nowadays. I am happy. I am free.

I know you're still there. You'll be there forever. Lurking in the background attempting to take over once again. I won't let you. I won't, because I deserve more than that.

I am proud of myself. You caused so much damage to my little mind and my soul. My confidence and self belief was destroyed by you. I broke free from that whether you like it or not. If I can do this, I can do anything.

I am safe, I am okay, I deserve this.

so, without further ado...goodbye. Take your plus size clothes, gigantic bras and depression with you.

Go pick on someone your own size.

[Dezzy]

Proud of you!

[JayCee]

I was trolling through my maintenance diary this morning and found my letter to myself (post #126). Wow, very emotive. I realised that the letter should probably have been put in this thread, so here is a copy. This was written on 29/12/2012 when I was going through a bit of a hard time ...

Dear JayCee

I have been with you all your life; from the start of your incredible journey, and through your recent struggles. It is now time for us to talk. I am your inner skinny chick, I am part of you.

You yourself admit that we are our own biggest critic and at the moment that is affecting our ability to move forward. It is time, time for us to take stock, time to look at our accomplishments, time to look deep into our self and see the real us.

We are one but currently we are drifting apart, you are leaning towards my enemy, inner fat chick. She too is part of you and it is with her that I constantly do battle for us. It is her that is holding us back, stopping us from moving forward on this incredible journey of a life of health and happiness. Together we can win this battle but first there are a few things that we need to look at.

You had an incredible journey and you should be proud. Your year wasn’t easy but you handled yourself well and reached your goal. Losing 46% of yourself is monumental, but perhaps you also lost a little of who you are? It’s now time to find yourself, heal your wounds, and get ready for the next step into your future.

You come down on yourself hard. You expect a lot from yourself, and a lot from those around you. You offer forgiveness to others but not to yourself. You see failure when others see a darn good effort. You hear negativity when all I hear is understanding from those who travel the same road. You feel alone when all around you are friends offering support and encouragement.

You are a strong person and a loyal and compassionate friend.

Your stubbornness and drive to succeed has brought you to this point. You are worthy of respect for what you have accomplished for it is no small feat beating that IFC and reaching goal.

It is understandable that at this time of grief you will struggle, but you don’t have to do it alone. Your current lack of focus has left the door right open for my enemy to step in and take you back to where you began. We can’t let this happen!

We are one and at the moment we aren’t happy. We need to make changes to get back to where we want to be. Changes to our diet, changes to our attitude. Changes to how you perceive yourself. You need to be able to see in yourself what others see in you. You need to learn to love yourself.

Remember how happy you were getting up and choosing clothes based on colour and not what fits that day? Remember how good it felt going to bed with a settled tummy – no gurgling, no wind, no feeling overly full? Remember how good it felt to look in the mirror and like what you saw? This can be again … together we can get back on track. Together and with the support of your friends.


Together we can do this. Let’s beat the IFC back so we can move forward. Together. We deserve this.

Lovingly, your ISC.

[Dezzy]

Hello my friend! I can sense the struggle in that letter and maybe this is why you've found this post again. It's come at a time when you need the reminder of how far you've come and how much you achieved during your journey. Remember not to be so hard on yourself, forgive yourself and remember how determined the old broad can be!

You have my never ending admiration... And support.

Hugs!

[hexi2]

Wow how my thread has grown! Some wonderful emotive stories here!

[Scaling_Down]

BUMP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This thread speaks for itself and the reason why I am bumping it up!
What a wonderful idea and I cry each time I read any of these!!!!!
If anyone needs an additional little "push" or a reason to keep following their journey, all the inspiration you could ever need, is on these 4 pages!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy losing!!

[AudreeS]

bump....I plan on writing my own letter too soon!

[Kohinoor]

Hi all,
Yesterday, I recalled this POWERFUL topic, so I went looking - and here it is. This is a special bump, to invite you to try the healing that "Goodbye letters to the old you" might bring.

It seems to work well for those well advanced on their journeys (but don't let that stop newer members from "checking it out" - and planning YOUR letter, or just sharing the special thoughts within this topic).

Of course, you might choose to try this yourself in private - and that is totally fine too. In the end, it is the healing that is important - however it works best for YOU.

Just go back to page 1 and read on.

Hugs to all,
Koh