Blondetastics Diary

[blondetastic]

Read some literally life changing things the last few days. Will try to be brief lol

The wrong people in our life will see us make progress and try to pull us down. The right people will see us slip down and pull us up. We allow ourselves so often to be pulled down by the wrong people because it's comfortable. If they are happy, we feel validated, okay with ourselves because hey we made a choice that made THEM happy. But what about us? I'm not talking sacrificing watching your fave movie to watch theirs with them. I'm talking about the stuff that makes us go against what makes us truly happy deep down. We may avoid guilt that others would like us to feel to get what THEY want, but deep inside we have postponed yet again our purpose, what sparks our joy and gives our life real meaning to feel validated by people who are often more concerned with their gains and happiness than ours.

It's taken me a long time to realize life patterns which have held me back from being and doing so much more with my life because I am too worried about making others happy. If they perceive me to be rude, selfish, don't like me because they refuse to see that doing what I want and need to do because it will make me happy isn't to slight them, it's not up to me to explain it continually. Eventually if they don't like the fact that I was not put on this earth to give them everything they need and bow to their every wish and command they will either get used to it or leave me alone.

I think I'm finally beginning to understand what it means to love yourself and how to do it. We blame ourselves so much for when we fail at things. But mostly it's because we are buying into other peoples opinions that we are selfish, rude, messed up in the head, whatever label they want to use to make us worry about what THEY think of us so we alter their behaviour for their acceptance and deep down we know we sell ourselves out every time we do this. It affects every single area of our lives. We can't change other people, we are not responsible for them getting their needs met any more than they are responsible for us. We can only control ourselves. Who really cares what these people think if they can judge us so harshly because we are making choices that help us to live our life fully? We don't need people like that in our life. It's not supportive, they don't help us to become the best versions of ourselves. They constantly demand reasons justification for our choices. We owe them nothing. NO is a sentence. If they truly care about us they will respect our choices and recognize it's not to inconvenience or disrespect them. If they don't care about us they will try to make us feel guilt, or like we owe them an explanation which they will dismiss and try and wear us down anyway. I'm only just starting to see how much other people influence me in every thing - at work, what I eat, how I spend my money, what I say, where I go. So many things. Legitimate things that I forgo my preference on for people who tend to manipulate so they can feel good, so their life can be a bit easier. It's not rude, insensitive or selfish to happy with the choices we are making for ourselves.

Realizing this has given me a whole new perspective on life and how I have spent most of it looking for other peoples approval and validation when I already approve of and validate myself.

[Kohinoor]

Hi BT,
Wow, you said a mouthful there, girl !!! I would be really interested to know the source (if this is a book or a self-help course you have accessed). Or, maybe this is the result of reading several different books, thus no ONE book is providing all the answers. Then again, upon reading a few words, you might have done some soul-searching and arrived at your own conclusions (so the post becomes fully "your own work").....


Whichever, I love it. I also know that we can know this, and yet still allow ourselves to be pushed down by others (depending on the significance of "the other" ).


To help you along on this journey (which I perceive to be one that we all need to travel), here's a favourite quote that might appeal - it seems relevant:-
"Is this something you want, or something someone else wants you to want?"

And then (in case you haven't yet tripped over it on here) check out my "Be selfish" topic - it might hold some more gems for you:-
http://newyouforum.com/forum/showthr...806#post360806


Happy reading in return (reading your post made ME very happy !! )


Hugs, and keep on exploring "being selfish",
Koh

[findingme]

Well done!
One thing I like about being on the EP is I'm much more organised about my meals than when I am off, it's too easy to just eat whatever then, 😂 Usually regret it too!

[blondetastic]

Koh it was some random links I found online and a couple of videos by a guy with a Facebook page, mainly directed at business Kerwin Rae. Love that quote:Is it something you want, or something someone else wants you to want"
Thanks for that link am going to head over and take a look in a minute.


Finding Me: I know right, don't have to think too hard about it, and yes eating off plan is just too spasmodic, wastes a lot of money and I feel like I have no direction, meals are probably the only thing thats stable in my life. What I eat more than when. And I always regret eating off plan lol

So I pretty much have yoghurt for breakfast, mince and veggies with curry powder and sweetener for lunch, fish, prawns or chicken and veggies with some chilli powder and sweetener for dinner and main fruit of choice is granny smith apples. Trying to do at least 2-3 liters of water a day. Most days only have 2 black coffees, and maybe some pepsi max at night. Not getting anywhere near enough sleep the last few nights. This has to change.

[Tuti]

Love that post Blondetastic. I think I need to read it regularly

[blondetastic]

Time to get back on the horse. It may be a good idea to start a new diary. On the other hand weight is like the weather and pretty much everything in life. Its constantly changing. It's all a part of the journey of life so I will keep cranking out this diary and get some things moving in the right direction again.

My focus has to be back on what matters to me and positive focus. Procrastination has been a great tool for not accomplishing much, and excuses have been it's partner in crime.

I have gone 14 months with no kidney issues after nearly 3 years in and out of hospitals and many procedures. So many times I would remind myself of the pain I went through so as not to take for granted the health I had been enjoying since. Last week I was struck out of the blue with another kidney infection. Fortunately I didn't end up in hospital but it was a reminder to check myself. I have slowly allowed bad habits to creep back in and it's time to reign it in again.

I used to think of weight-loss and fitness as something that most people achieved and stuck to daily routines for the rest of their lives to maintain.
In reality some do that but many don't that. Because life throws curve balls every day and some days it isn't possible to have a plan B. And some times those days become weeks and those weeks turn into months. But at some point in amongst the days and weeks its not the curve balls calling the shots but the excuses. So yeah, time to stop the excuses controlling me and take control of my mind and life again.

Tomorrow will be day 1 for me - the first of many. I'm looking forward to it because as soon as I start to feel like I'm steering the ship again - even in just that one area - what I'm putting into my mouth - the more the other parts of my life fall into line. Finances have taken a beaten lately. Work situation is as always unpredictable, but I have learned to manage that a lot more effectively over the last 12 months.

I believe the reason other things fall into line has a lot to do with the law of attraction. Not so much the woo woo stuff, more the fact that if this EP is approached with a positive can do mindset and the acknowledgement that we are giving ourselves self care, putting ourselves first again - it shows we believe we are worth that. That belief - call it self love if you will - or self respect - flows into other areas of life. The better you feel about yourself from the inside, the more happiness and joy you radiate on the outside not to mention confidence, and this attracts good things. It also makes good things more noticeable because the world is being seen through a positive lens.
As usual my M.O. will be looking at challenges and discovering ways to see the silver lining and the positive. They are always there, sometimes it just takes a bit of creativity to see them.

[Kohinoor]

Hi BT,
I especially love that last paragraph. Yeah, go for it with a positive mindset every time. That also ties in with gratitude, eh? And often we fall into thinking we dont have so much to be grateful for - but hey, just because we were born into the Western civilisation puts us in a really good place compared to most of the world's population. So for sure, we have a lot to be grateful for eh?


Good to see you "going for it" once more. There's no shame in being back here - actually it is really good that you ARE here again. If not, that could have meant you were quitting on yourself.



Rock on BT,
Koh

[Donzie]

Hey BT!

So, so good to see you on here. I have been thinking about you recently and wondering how your getting on. I am really pleased to hear your health has been good (albeit until recently) as I know you were really struggling a while ago. Hopefully this latest infection is just an annoying blip and you'll be back to full health in no time.

You have no idea what a wonderful surprise it was to check in today and see your post. You ARE the ULTIMATE COHEN'S WARRIOR in my book. And I am thrilled to have you back here with me this time. (Big cyber hug to you.)

I too am a firm believe in the LOA and that our thoughts and words create our reality whether we like it or not. Lately I have been reading a few older diaries and what I find really interesting is how as people lose weight and start to think better about themselves they start to let in the good things in other areas too. It’s like they start to flow better. I am convinced it’s a vibrational thing.

Additionally it can quickly turn in the other direction too if they start to observe themselves gaining and over eating etc. in maintenance. It makes me wonder how our thoughts contribute to the downward spiral also.

Don’t get me wrong weight loss is hard, and maintaining a skinny mini figure when you have a body that wants to gain with the mere sight of food is near impossible. Which is why this time it’s not about a number on the scale for me. It’s about how I feel. The real work is in the being kind to myself and not allowing daily fluctuations to be observed negatively.

Mostly not giving a **** about what I weigh. It’s 100% how I feel. And at the moment I’m feeling good and feeling in the flow. I know you will be there too in a short couple of weeks, it doesn't take long.

Anyway, obviously you touched on a subject I could talk about all day. I am soooooo happy to see you here. Much love and positive EP vibes my lovely.

Donzie. XX

[blondetastic]

Ah its so good to be back!! I should never leave. Even after I've completed this part of the program. Great to read your posts Koh and Donzie.

Gratitute, glass 1/2 full, looking for the positive all of it is something I feel passionate about. I spend a lot of time around people who are negative and I've spent a lot of time lately practising not taking life too seriously, not trying to talk others out of a negative mindset - most of them don't want to be, not taking things personally, not.offering unsolicited advise, and taking time out for me when things do start to get ti me to recharge and focus back on what matters. Breathe dont panic.

Makes me laugh when I look back and see how I've made things so unneccessarily hard for myself in the past. Talk about being ones own worst enemy. I can at least be positive for myself at the times no one seems to want it. That really is where it starts.

Yesterday I was kept pretty busy which made day 1 very do able. Today I've been awake for a few hours. I need sleep this afternoon for overnight shift at work. So Im pushing meals back a bit. I eat my last one around 10.15pm and will go through till about 8am tommorrow morning before I eat. This seems to work so long as I drink plenty of water and a coffee. If Im really desperate I save a couple of crackers and fruit to have then. I only have tonight and tomorrow night then I will be back on normal shifts hopefully for a long time. Here's to day 2 for me. May everyones day be one of putting what your body needs before what it thinks it wants to cope with life xx

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[Donzie]

Hey BT,

Hope all is going well with you. Have you been managing to find the food you need when you need it? Crazy times isn’t it. Anyway, just thinking about you and hoping all is well in your world. Take care. Donzie.x

[blondetastic]

Hi Donzie crazy times indeed!! Have been finding food I need - thanks for asking. And I'm grateful for that.
Its been a rollercoaster since I came back but have lost over 8kgs - most of that in the last week. I've just smoked my last cigarette. I was meant to be with a friend in Melbourne this week for Alanis Morrissette concert. I can't even catch up with my friend and so desperately need to. So...relationship ended. No going back. Took me a long time to get to this point. Its heartbreaking to invest so much and care about someone only to realize the bad vibes I got from the start were right. Always trust your gut!! And I've decided to quit smoking on top of all the crazy.
Most of the weight loss has primarily been due to not eating or managing a meal a day. A couple of days I've eaten 3 full meals.
Anyway its my chance to prove to myself I can come out stronger on the other side but its going to be a rough few months.
I'm thankful I still have work. Certain times of the day things are rough but I have some times when I feel great. I know in 12 months time I will look back and wonder what I was so upset over. I need to go through this to grow.
I hate emotion - my emotional IQ sucks and I've always been envious of women who don't let their heart rule their head. Logic and reason are always the better route. Praying I become one of those women. At least until I'm in a better place and can open my heart again.
I'm happy I'm looking better and have gone down a size. Im grateful I'm well, safe and have a job. Life gets lonely but I need to not dwell on that and use that time to find myself again, get happy in myself being alone and grow asa person. My favourite time of the day is when I sleep and I'm not thinking.
Even if I could fast forward 12 months I'm better off biting the bullet and doing the hard yards. It doesnt matter how many tears I cry, how many bouts of anxiety hit me. It is what it is and I have to keep looking at the positives. Im free of the emotional mental and physical abuse and never have to endure that cycle again.


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[Donzie]

Hey BT,

Great to read your post and know you are still well (given these crazy times). I’m sorry to hear about your relationship breakdown, I think it would be particularly hard at this time of social isolation. But I expect you have probably felt alone in that relationship for a while before now. Anyway, I hope you are doing ok?

Glad to hear your EP is going ok. Given all the added stress your experiencing you should be proud of yourself. Plus giving up the fags, not an easy time. Hats off to you.

Do you live in Geelong? You just mentioned meeting up with a friend in Melbourne so I naturally jump to the conclusion your from Geelong (sorry if that’s not the case) I just love Geelong and have many friends down there whom I visit quite regularly, but not lately obviously.

Anyway, I just wanted to say ‘hey’ and check in with you to make sure your ok. I hope work is plodding along ok and hopefully a good distraction and relief from the isolation.

Take care
Donzie. X

[blondetastic]

Back for another round lol. I managed to get to goal weight last year but didn't do refeed. Changed jobs mid year, and working full-time which has meant sitting down a lot more so less active, longer hours and less organization. The health issues I had have been resolved and it's time to get some routine around eating back. I am back to 85.8. It is a lot harder to get back on track without support or just checking in keeping myself accountable. i have proven to myself I can do it, more than once, but have never done refeed. This time I want to not just reach my goal, but start and complete refeed.

[Kristine..]

Hey Tastics!

Welcome to 2022!

I will be happy to chum you along. I am bumping around 74 kilo - the result of Covid isolations and desk work. My Goal Weight is 65 kilos, I am happiest at that weight.

I will start my 2022 Diary and set up a Ticker and we can row the boat together

It won't take long and we will be at Goal Weight and launching into Refeed.

Bye for now but I'll be back soon!

Lotsa love
Kristine

[blondetastic]

Hey Kristine!! Great to "meet" you. We can do this!!

Been MIA after having Covid booster last week, that knocked me round a bit. I didn't sleep well for the following couple of nights, and had nausea and dizziness, but am past that now. So it's on with the plan. Aside from that I'm feeling less bloated and that's always good. Decided to put off weighing for the time being, would like to be disciplined enough to only weigh once a month. See how that goes lol. If I can hold out till then the ticker can wait for now.

[blondetastic]

I'm feeling better generally after a couple of weeks, and feel the difference in my clothes, and body already. So far have avoided the scales, and not tempted to weigh yet. I think that will happen at a point where I stop noticing the small changes and need the boost.
Every time I have been focused, I get into the zone of the program and nothing holds me back. The issue has been not doing refeed. In that zone, I just keep going. I hit a point where I really have lost enough, but something in my head keeps saying just a couple more kgs. Constant tiredness and hunger set in, I'm stubborn and keep going, then get sick and end up going back to old ways slowly. I'm aware of it - it has taken me several times of the same pattern to wake up and realize. This time, if I don't stop before that point, I am considering getting further help because it's very obsessive, disordered behaviour that may go a bit deeper than I am able to understand.

I understand that's what I have done in the past, I can speculate about a million reasons why and they would all have contributed in some way, societies idea of a good body, people who I have allowed to influence how I feel about myself, my upbringing (a weight obsessed mother who had very disordered eating and still does) etc etc. And the whole thing gives me a sense of control. Awareness of the need for balance is one thing, making it stick is another.

Being an all or nothing person and never being satisfied with half assed attempts and there's been a lot of those too which keeps me swimming in circles, is a mind set I need to change. I need that mind set on the program, and in the face of that, there are people, media etc constantly saying moderation, a little bit is ok, and I get so good at fighting that mentally on the program. But in reality we have to go back to real life after refeed. And that's where balance and moderation come back. I think it takes a lot for me to fully embrace the give this 100% mentality, and when I do, I find it hard to let go of it, and revert in my thinking back to moderation balance etc.

The majority of losing weight and maintaining that is mental and emotional.

[Kohinoor]

Hi BT,
Wow, you said a mouthful there !! Your very last comment reminded me of one of the early posts in the "Gems" topic. i.e. that this journey is 10% about food and weightloss, and 90% mental. It seems so true.

Let's talk more as you progress, BT. Sounds like you are doing fine right now,
Koh

[James90]

Hi BT,

I hope everything is good in your life. Have you been able to acquire the food you require when you require it? Aren't these crazy times?

[Donzie]

Hey BT,

How are you? I hope your still around, would love a buddy.

I’m back to drop some weight too. What can I say, it happens to the best of us doesn’t it.

Donzie. X