Goodbye letters to the old you

[thenewvee]

You have been a part of me from the moment I came into this world up until now. I know you would like to think you are still a part of me, but the truth of the matter is that we are no longer connected. The time has come to say goodbye to you and send you on your merry way, as you are no longer needed or wanted. You have served your purpose of running those old programs, but those programs have all changed and are still being changed today, and your version of them is old hat and no longer applicable to me as a person! Thank you for being a part of me and helping to make me who and what I am today.

I’ve discovered that while I’m not perfect (thank goodness, who needs perfection anyway, as it is too hard to maintain!) I have grown amazingly in inner strength and achieved amazing things despite a lot of the negativity that you always presented. I’ve gotten through some really difficult and traumatic experiences and I’ve survived to live on and keep growing and learning. I have come a long way and it was without your help and only your hindrance!!

Releasing the slim person from her fat prison is another important step in my journey and I know that so long as you are around and in my head/ear all the time, that slim person will remain forever enslaved by your dictates, so for that reason, it is also time to say goodbye to you, for ever! I’ve proven to myself that I can make it without you, I just have to look at all my achievements (single parenting, uni, working, weight loss).

I’ve hated the control you had over me; I’ve hated how you have run the show and I have been unable to prevent you from doing so. I hate that what you want conflicts with what I truly want. You’ve had your time, now it’s my time and I’m going to shine!

I can do this being careful of what I eat, for the rest of my life. I can survive disappointments and rejection. I can cope with stress, trauma and dramas without turning to food. I’ve learnt how to whilst doing this program. I know I love me, and that is the most important love of all! I love you too, because you have been a part of me for so long, but it is now time to let you go, and I let you go with love. I know you are resisting this because you do not like someone else being in control and you do not like the choices I am making that are not according to the programs that you run. You want to keep me where you always have, in a place of fear, hopelessness and loneliness. You want to keep me isolated from the joy of living and keep me hiding from life because I’m too uncomfortable to do certain things or too embarrassed to show the real me. I’ve had enough of hiding! I’m coming out and you are leaving! That is the only way it can be.

Having you in my life brings me too much pain. You only offer short term pleasure (like eating for comfort) that results in long term pain (being so overweight), and I’m no longer willing to accept that. I know I deserve better and I know I can achieve long term pleasure in having a slim, healthy body by saying goodbye to you forever and letting you go with love. I know you tried your best to do what you thought was best for me, but in reality it is not what is best for me, so I’m letting you go.

Goodbye forever, Bernice/fat me!
Vee

[Liddie]

Wow, you really brought a lump to my throat. Thank you for your courage to share something so personal yet so inspiring.

I know all about being overweight all your life and wondering if you really could ever reach that incredible goal weight, but with living examples like yourself... What can I say but thank you for encouraging the new tender-emerging believe that THAT goal weight could actually be more than a stubborn fantasy.

Enjoy the new you, every day for the rest of your life!

[hexi2]

Great one Vee...love it! How did it make you feel?? Did you read it out alloud and then burn it?? Thats what the psych got me to do and it was fabulous!! Give it a go sweety you are kicking *****!!!

[ConnieK..]

Yep I agree... I did the read and burn thing too and it was great!

Vee you are a shining example hon and it's all good from here **hugs**

Connei

[Shanara]

Hmmmm Vee

You really touched my heart with your powerful statement. Lots of wisdom in your words. Thanks for sharing your very personal thoughts.

Go woman go! You rock!
Shanara

[Jenna]

Hexi, Connie, Faithy & Vee,

You are all brave, amazing and inspirational women.

I am sitting here with a pile of tissues from crying next to my laptop from reading your letters. I can relate to all of your letters in one way or another and will be writing one to the "Old Jenna" when it's time...it's not quite time yet.

& hugs to all of you...the new versions.

Thank you all so much for sharing.

[FlaMie]

ooooooooo Vee, your goodbye letter is truly an affirmation of a woman who has come through Cohen to become more determined and wise. Yes, the fat 'me' is always a baggage and the extra load does not help in any way to advance our happiness. It only brought more emotional and physical problems. Bravo vee! All the best to the new Bernice.Vee

[daisychain]

Hi guys,

Koh asked me to post this entry from my diary into this thread, and now I'm enjoying reading all the other post on here! I hope that someone finds something in this to help them.

DC
------------------------

Dear Daisy Chain (size 16),

Hi there. Please allow me to introduce myself, my name is Daisy Chain (size 12) and it's been a long time since we've last seen each other so you may not remember me.

I just wanted to let you know how I'm going, and all the wonderful things about being me. I am a very happy person, I enjoy life and the people that are in it. I eat healthy food, and I exercise a few times a week. I have clear skin, shiny hair and I sleep well.

I went shopping last night, and brought myself some new clothes that were all size 12's. I feel strong and confident and amazed at the person that I see in the mirror. Although sometimes when I glance in the mirror I forget that it's me, and I think that I see you! I think that I'm bigger than I am, and it's hard for me to remember that we are two very different people now.

We also are very different shoppers now, turns out that I can wear singlet tops, and things that are fitted. I can wear shorter skirts, and clothes that show off my new figure. I'm sorry it may be hard for you to hear that, as I know that you are used to covering yourself up, feeling ashamed of how you look, and embarrased at the person that you are.

I know that you struggled a lot with having to go out places, you could never find anything to wear and you used to cry in your wardrobe about how terrible you looked at felt. I would love to sit on the bottom of that wardrobe with you and give you a big cuddle and cry along with you. We both know how much it hurts, but regardless of the situation you did this to yourself, and you need to take responsibility for that.

I am proud that I've been able to step up and take control of my life. Even though I've had many a dark hour where I have felt overwhelmed, last night, standing in a dressing room, looking at myself in skinny leg jeans I realised that it is all worth it. I feel good, and I am proud of myself.

Yes, I know it's hard for you to hear this, as you never were... but I am proud of myself.

I have an amazing family, funnily enough, it's the same family that you have, and have had all along, but you never asked them for help. You never leaned on them like I am. It's ok to ask for help when you need it. It's ok to feel overwhelmed and out of control, but this is not your life forever. Your destiny is not set in stone. You can, as I have, change your life.

I really hope that this letter helps inspire you to work to get where I have. I also hope that it will inspire me to remember who I am, and how I feel now, and that as much as I love you, I never want to be you again.

All my love,

Daisy Chain (size 12)
xxx

[Kohinoor]

A special bump - to invite those newer members to try the healing that "letters to the old you" may bring. Works well for those well advanced on their journeys (but don't let that stop newer members from "checking it out" - and planning YOUR letter....

Of course, you might choose to try this in private - and that is totally fine too. In the end, it is the healing that is important - however it works best for YOU.

Just go back to page 1 and read on.

Koh

[Alli]

Wow. Seriously wow. This is a really powerful thread! Thanks for bumping it Koh. It makes me want to write my own letter, but maybe I am still a bit too fresh at the moment. This journey is so much more than just loosing weight and I applaud those who have been brave enough to share their stories - it is truly inspirational.

[goodlucktummy]

Powerful insights - your letters have echoed the secret pains I've buried in my heart. Hands-down, my favorite thread in this forum. THANK YOU

[Mich]

this is very powerful, its also in the book Im' reading called a course in weight loss. every time I start I get too scared and emotional

i think its a time thing.. great wonderful healing thread! Glad it was bumped.

[Sapphire]

Dear Sapphire’s Inner Fat Chick

You have held me captive for almost all of my adult life and only on rare occasions over the past 20+ years have I managed to escape your steadfast grasp upon me.

I struggled so hard against you to break free but each year your grasp would tighten. You gained power just a little by little and you crept up on me like a stealth combatant stalking his enemy. Once I was in your grasp I felt helpless. I felt like a deer in the jaws of a lion. The more I struggled, the more you exerted the power you had over me ensuring I understood who held the power – you had me exactly where you wanted me and I felt powerless against you.

I relaxed and began to think this is “my lot in life”.

Every now and again your nemesis the Inner Skinny Chick would stir inside of me and I would start a new escape plan to rid myself of you. I tried everything, Atkins, Lemon Detox, Dr Rensburg, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, the grapefruit Diet, Fit for Life, calorie counting, no fat diet, Low GI diet... you name it I tried it to try and escape you and not just once - over and over again resigning myself once again to “this is my lot in life” each time I failed. I managed to break free on a couple of occasions and taste freedom from you. The feeling was great but on each occasion it didn’t take long for you to hunt me down and inflict a lesson on the Inner Skinny Chick and imprison me again. My punishment for escaping was brutal and ruthless and it was to gain more weight and be heavier than you were previously. I was on that yo-yo string – you kept reigning control over me.

Was I never going to escape? Would the Inner Skinny Chick ever be brave enough to attempt escape again? All previous attempts failed – why would this time be different?

Today the blood rushes through my ears as I run. I am running to freedom and I am learning to run faster and faster each day to stay one step ahead of you in my bid to escape you forever. I have met a Doctor who is helping me escape your grasp. I have met a great group of supporters who have helped me through stage 1 and stage 2 to freedom. I am currently in my final stage of learning to be free from you forever. My Inner Skinny Chick is strong but I hear you behind me – screaming at me to “come back” but your voice fades a little more each week. I must be forever vigilant that your presence may lurk in the shadows, waiting for me to weaken so you can take control again. For that reason, I cannot say goodbye to you forever because you are such a powerful and determined force who has controlled me for most of my life. I will however, do whatever is necessary to stay out of your grasp so I never have to lay eyes on you again and never again feel your powerful jaws crushing the life from me.

I had begun to like you – you were comfortable!!! I began to accept I could live with you. You were so nice to me most of the time – persuasive and influential and allowing me to eat wonderful foods which gave me great pleasure. You never had to be accountable for those great foods I ate. You would make me contentedly consume whatever you wanted without care. You made me happily and obliviously disconnect the foods I consumed to my body and what they were doing to it.

Today I see you through new eyes. I don’t like you! You have stolen my adult life but I have to take responsibility for allowing you to do that. I now know the tools to change my life forever so you cannot come back for me. You embarrass me. You are old before your time. You cannot run, you cannot walk 5km, you cannot walk 500m without getting breathless and having Achilles issues. You cannot easily stand on one foot and put your jogger on the other. You cannot snuggle into your man in the way in which I do. He loved the old you but he loves me more. You have lost him to me. You cannot wear the clothes I do. If you look deep inside you were never really happy – not the way I am. These comments may hurt you but I no longer care – it is the truth.

Today I say goodbye to you yet I know that you will always be lurking in the shadows just waiting for me and for this reason I must always stay fit and healthy to fight you off should you dare contemplate coming into my life again!

From the new, happy, proud, confident, courageous Sapphire

[Winterboots]

You wrote a fantastic letter Sapphire, you can express emotions so well. I can relate so much of your past life to my own life. For a newbe (me), you are inspirational and your posts and photos do flash across my mind when I am thinking "bad food thoughts" - you keep me focus.

[butterflydreamin]

I cried when I read your letter Sapphire - I related to that so much. Thank you so much for sharing. You have escaped her Sapphire because you will remain vigilant and you also have the tools you need now to be a successful maintainer.

And we will always be here on those very rare occassions in the future where you may doubt it is possible to have long lasting change

Thanks again for sharing

Butterfly xx

[Kohinoor]

Bump - for very obvious reasons - and all GOOD !!!

[forfreddie]

crying into my cornflakes (not really ) not a good look first thing in the morning.

amazing women inspirational letters. I hope to be able to add one of my own some day.

ff

[Dezzy]

To my fat self

I am now more a third of my way to my goal weight. I have lost nearly 24kg so although you are not yet at maintenance I want to say goodbye to you. I no longer want to be the fat person.

As a child you were the one that had the chubby round cheeks that aunties used to pinch and say “oh how cute…” as I got older, those same aunties would say “don’t worry its puppy fat… she’ll grow out of it”! You became the tubby toddler, the fat teen and the obese adult. You started your first diet when your mum took you to weight watchers as a thirteen year old. You were the only child in the meetings and you felt so self-conscious. You also felt the disappointment of your parents. Did you fail them in some way? Were you trying to nourish yourself after being deprived of your mothers care when she gave birth to your sister when you were thirteen months old? She didn’t care for you as much anymore as she had a baby to care for.

You started stealing money from your mums purse to pay for lollies at school, and you made your school lunches the night before so you could eat them secretly at night, then you would have to make more quickly in the morning so that you weren’t seen. You would eat your meals so quickly that you would be finished before anyone else then you could reach for seconds before anyone else could finish them. Were you calling out for their attention?

In school you were always the fat one. You struggled in gym classes, you hated doing PE in the mornings as a warm up for the day, you loathed swimming carnivals when you had to wear a bathing costume in front of all those people and you failed at all your sports. You could hear the kids and the teachers sniggering behind your back. The boys used to tease you and ask you on dates then tell you in front of others that you were too fat to go out with them. You were red-faced and sweaty on even the coolest of days as you struggled to keep up with other kids going from one classroom to the other. You cried yourself to sleep many times.

You struggled climbing stairs and getting up from a seated or kneeling position because your knees are damaged from the years of abuse. You dreaded having to get anything from the bottom shelves of things and you hated shopping for new clothes. Nothing that fitted you matched the colours you love. The tents that pass as clothes for big people are shapeless and ugly in dark depressing colours.

When you were pregnant, you held your clothes against your tummy and exaggerated your posture so that people saw the baby belly and didn’t just assume you were fat. Your pregnancies were considered high risk and you developed gestational diabetes that now puts your children at high risk for developing diabetes as adults. You can’t even run and jump and play with them. Who taught your daughter to skip? It wasn’t you – you can’t even hop without falling over!

Your weight affects the physical relationship you have with your husband. You don’t feel like getting even hotter and sweatier with him and you dread the thought of summer when it’s too hot to even have a sheet over you. At least the winter doona covers you and your rolls of fat.

Do you remember going to a restaurant for breakfast one Sunday with your family and you couldn’t fit into the chair? You prized yourself out of the chair and made your son swap so you could sit in the bench with no arms. As you sat down you looked across at the next table and saw the family there all looking at you and sniggering. It broke your heart, you went home and cried on your husband’s shoulder. You decided then and there to do something about your weight. Well, you never did… you tried on a few different occasions but never carried it through. It wasn’t until you got over 125kg that you finally found the strength to start properly.

But I now say goodbye. I want more from my life. I thank you for the many gifts you have given me. You have given me the love of my children and husband. You have given me the opportunity to rediscover myself.

Goodbye
Desireé (Dezzy)

[Riss]

Wow "LIKE"... And I love your name! Desiree.. Too pretty! That's very very brave to post. Goodbye Fat Self!

[Collie]

Dezzy I find I don't often get teary on this forum but that one of yours made them start flowing. Riss is right that was a brave and deeply honest post. Big hugs to you girl.