Faithy's Diary

[Faithy]

March??!! GOSH!!!! I hope so..

Thanks Koh, you're truly the best..

OK, so I've given in to demands :P & posted some pics in the photo section.. was pretty tough, but hey why not.

I could write & write today, but perhaps I better not, while I'm still as excited as ever of my weight loss journey I am kind of low in spirit. I've realised today that this, as I get towards the end, is going to be tougher than I thought. People I know are either avoiding me or when they talk to me all they talk about is my weight. I NEVER bring it up.

I'm finding the women avoid me & the men are praising me. I actually feel very alone at the moment.

[Kohinoor]

Hi Faith,

I could write & write today, but perhaps I better not, while I'm still as excited as ever of my weight loss journey I am kind of low in spirit. I've realised today that this, as I get towards the end, is going to be tougher than I thought. People I know are either avoiding me or when they talk to me all they talk about is my weight. I NEVER bring it up.

You've become a challenge for many - brings its own challenges. Don't weaken though - stick with hubby, talk with hubby - this IS the way you want to go, yes? YOU will be the beneficiary (and hubby too, and children...)

Faith, what's happening is that you are forcing others to face their own inadequacies (is that how you spell it? it doesn't look right..). That is in NO WAY your problem. It is their problem. You are fighting the good fight for you. Don't let anyone else steal that from you.

I'm finding the women avoid me & the men are praising me. I actually feel very alone at the moment.

Hehe - as I said above, you are a challenge to those who have their own demons to face. Re the men praising you, I can relate to that - I had a great night just watching young good-looking girls strutting their stuff on the dance-floor the other night (Xmas party) - they looked so good - and I appreciated watching them. It's a man thing - but good-looking girls are "good-looking girls" - can't get much simpler than that.

Share your doubts/fears with hubby - things will work out,

Koh

[hexi2]

Hey Faithy I'm sad you are feeling this way, it's not nice to feel alone...I can't shed any words of wisdom as I am not where you are...all I can say is that who would have thought loosing weight wouldn't be a joyous occassion? It's a pity that others feel threatened by how well you are doing :'(

[Faithy]

Thanks Koh & Hexi.. it is joyous & I know I will continue to lose my weight.. I guess I can just look forward to feeling a bit weird from here till the end..

My hubby said to me that they all still love me, that it's probably going to take a while for people to get use to too.

My ex husband saw me yesterday, that was actually harder than I imagines too. I've never been good with receiving attention & perhaps this is one of the reasons I allowed myself to get big in the first place. I like to hide.

Anyway we were at the shopping Mall & he was there with his 2nd wife, this young thing.. she's a year older than my eldest daughter.. & my 2 girls were with him too. They were in the food court eating lunch. My hubby & I walked on past them & waved & smiled hello. According to my girls they said he kept turning around & smiling, to the point that his wife slapped him on the back & told him to stop it.
Later on we bumped in to them in a department store.. my daughter came up to me & told me quietly that he wanted me to know I was looking really good.. then in front of everyone he says to me looking good skinny with this huge grin on his face that actually made me feel quite ill.
Now his young wife is a big girl, which I thought kind of odd cause he use to say that I was an embarrassment to him..
When he & I were together he use to use that same grin to talk to other women, in front of me.. anyway I just couldn't help feeling sorry for his wife... I dont like her, not one bit.. but I wouldn't wish the way he made me feel on my worst enemy.

It's funny really.. everyone was so excited to see how he would react to how I was looking now, even I was.. but now I just feel icky & really sad for her.

[hexi2]

Awww thats really awful Faithy :'( What a creep...obviously he is pushing her buttons too and trying to make her feel insecure. I feel for her and for you too for going through all of that

[ropemaha]

wow faithy,

one thing is very obvious from your last post ...... you've moved on, he hasnt. you are doing things differently and he isnt. i agree that you may feel sorry for his new wife. but god knows you must feel sorry for him to. imagine being so bloody dysfunctional. boring.

hold yr head high mate cause guess what....you are soooo over that kind of man, you'll never be there again. oh yeah.

aint life great?

cheers penny

[Pudge]

You are doing so well Faithy I wouldn't get too worried about what the other women think. I know the feeling cause it happens here with me too and I haven't lost what you have. Most are just jeolous cause they are not losing weight and you are.
I have had women just glare at me like I have done something wrong course those are the ones that need Cohen's pretty bad.

Just smile and keep going.
Pudge

[Kohinoor]

Hi Faith,

Yeah, ditto what they all said !!! You've BEEN there - but you don't need to be there ever again. THAT must feel so good.

I'm sure you do feel for the new wife. If he continues on with that nonsense, he may well be alone again very soon. Who knows, maybe she will do Cohens too - that would jerk his chain somewhat....

Sounds like he is the insecure kind who just has to put everyone else down to feel better about himself - so sad..... Shrug your shoulders and feel sorry for him Faith - no need to do more than that - his life will evolve the way it is intended,

Koh

[Pudge]

Ya I probably would have had to smack him. If he comes sniffing around you then use a baseball bat then maybe he would get the message. No I am not a violent person just don't care much for nasty, cheating ex-husbands. Useless they are.
I wouldn't feel too bad for the new wife since she is just a few years older than one daughter. She jumped into that situation with both feel.
Sorry if I am blunt I just kinda tell it like it is most of the time.
pudge

[Faithy]

Dont be sorry Pudge .. I pretty much agree with you.. geez she was like 16 or 17 when she started sniffing around him.. I just couldn't believe he went for her.. she's always been big & as I think I siad before, I was an embarrassment to him.. I certainly do feel like I've got the last laugh but the thought of him looking at me in that way just makes me feel repulsed.

It does feel good though hey .. & I'm so much more together & confident. I'm not the scared lil (or big LOL) woman I use to be & I'm getting better every day with dealing with how I look at what other people think about me.. I use to seek everyones approval, but I dont feel that need as much any more.

Koh, I think he is insecure.. but he's also damn bloody selfish.. some of the things he does or says & he has no idea of the pain he can or has caused. My heart goes out to my girls, they forever forgive him, but always end up in tears.

I dunno.. the young wife.. I worry for her but I hate her too.. it's kind of like a love hate thing.. she's just so young & yet she's such a cow LOL..

Anyway.. he's here in Australia for 2 months.. hopefully I wont see too much of him.. would be awesome to be at my goal & then go ner ner ner ner...You could of had this HAHAHAHAH (spew) :P

[Faithy]

Today I am REALLY tired.

We stayed up late last night cleaning carpets & we didn't get home till after 11pm.. which meant I didn't get to eat dinner till about 11.30 or 12.00pm.. I'm guessing that can't be good for you hey??!! Actually I have no idea. I tried to stay up for a couple of hours afterwards, I think I ended up going to bed just before 2am. THAT meant I didn't get up till late for breakfast. Which means again I'll be having a late-ish dinner.
I hate doing that, I like to eat as early as possible.

Does anyone here who reads this have a blog or anything on the web site Multiply??

[Faithy]

Here's a real girly sissy moment for you.

Yesterday my hubby bought me this most GORGEOUS black silk night gown & dressing gown. It's black with butterflies all over it. I thought there was NO WAY it was going to fit let alone look nice on me.
Anyway, yesterday afternoon I tried it on & well damn it fitted, real nicely too. I looked in the mirror & I just cried. I think it's the first time I have ever seen myself & thought don't you look pretty. I felt really pretty in it too.
I really didn't expect to react that way..

Oh & hubby LOVED me in it :P

[Kannadew]

Faithy... I totally know what you mean! I have cried a couple of times quite recently... over the exact same thing! I put clothes on that I never thought I would ever wear and they fit and not only do they FIT...they look GREAT!!

I just get so overwhelmed that I am finally living something that I had hoped for but really never believed was possible!Especially after being big my entire life!

In fact...I am living!! A Life... a happy normal life!

Blessya
Kannadew

[Emma1]

Hi Faithy

I have just read your entire diary and had moments of tears and moments of joy. I am so pleased that you seem to be "finding" yourself and your voice and emerging as your true self.

I can understand you disliking the younger "bigger" new wife but also feeling sorry for her. I am guessing you feel sorry for her because you know what the ex is like and also because your a mum and this young girl is not much older than your daughters. This just shows her kind and beautiful. Dear Pudge had be cracking up with baseball comment. WARNING: Dont cross a Cohenite!!!

How sweet of hubby to buy you such a beautiful gft. I ALSO cired recently when trying on some clothes of mine that I have not worn for many years. I kept looking in the mirror and freaking out. Then I took the clothes off because I didnt think I should wear them becuase they looked so good. How stupid is that.

I really enjoyed sharing your diary Faithy. Take care, smile, and stay strong. You are soing great.

Emma1

[FotoHijinx]

Hi Faithy

Oh your husband is a keeper!!! How beautiful that he did that for you and what a beautiful moment he gave you - twice, giving you the present and giving you the chance to see your real beauty. I had a tear reading it.

You are beautiful

Cheers
Irene

[hexi2]

What a wonderful moment in your memory to keep forever!

You won't forget that moment not even when your old and grey.

What a beautiful hubby you have

[Daisy]

Hi Faithy,

For the first time I sat down this morning and read your entire diary. You are such an amazing woman and I think I have said it before but if not I will say it again - you have one
of the prettiest faces and I love your love hair. I can't wear long hair it is just all wrong for me but I would love to have long hair that I can sweep up. I am really amazed at you stregth to stick with this program through the good times and the bad and continue to loose month afetr month. I am so pleased for you.

I can really hear that through this weight loss journey you are taking your power back. I find that it is so hard not to be worried what other people think and to focus on what I think. It is a constant battle. Your ex and his younger partner have chosen a new life - good or bad - they own that not you. You do not have to like or hate his new wife you just need to interact as is necessary for you daughters. You lead by example for them and for you. Your wonderful relationhsip with your husband is a great role model for the girls. I think that is so important.

I was thinking about the people reacting to your weight loss and I have a theory. When there is a bigger person in a group of people those that are smaller can alway feel better about themselves as they consider that they are or they look better. Once you address that the bigger person sshrink their is nothing for them to compare themselves to and they have to start looking within. Before they do that they will resist what has happened to the bigger person - crtitisze the program, the speed of the loss, say its a fad and it will come back on, too skinny etc etc. They do this as it threatens their own self image. The women need time to process the changes you have made and how that impact them. I do not think this is a good thing I just think it is what it is.

I think you are now over the hard part - the rest is going to be like giving yourself a girft every month as you see the last kg melt of your body.

Wishing you well.
Daisy.

[HAILS_WANTS_2_B_THIN]

i agree, your diary is a true inspirtion and i love that you are starting to see the real you. Keep going.

Daisy i find it heart warming to here your words of encouragement as not to long ago you were recieving them for the first time from all of us. Good work kido.

[ropemaha]

hi faithy,

you know daisy is spot on....its called points of reference. when yr big people will use you as a point of reference for their own weight. now that you are nowhere near as big and will soon be perfect guess what....others have to change their point of reference. cant use you as the benchmark any more.

this is powerful stuff mate. your weight loss, considering how much you have lost as well, will be making other people respond emotionally.....and sometimes that aint pretty.

you so deserve this, you are helping others face their fears. just like you have. gotta love that.

well done.

penny

[Faithy]

Hey Kannadew .. how awesome for you.. that's just awesome & I can really tell how happy & excited you are. It is indeed awesome to be living, not just breathing..
Bless you too

Hey Emma .. I so get you with taking the clothes off.. I guess it just takes some time to work out & realise that it's OK for us to look fantastic.. perhaps we'll stand there & look for a while & say to ourselves, who would have thought??!!.. It is indeed over whelming to see the reflection look pleasing to the eye for once
Thank you SO much

Hey Irene
He sure is .. I feel like I'm on cloud 9.. he's always told me how beautiful I was etc.. he fell in love with me at my biggest.. I constantly thought & said to him why?? Why me?? And now he says to me he was worried I would lose my looks if I lost too much weight, but he now looks in to my eyes & says I look more & more beautiful every day. I quite often end up with tears, he makes me feel so wonderful.
Thank you for your lovely compliment


Hey Hexi
It sure is & you're right, I will NEVER forget that feeling, that moment.
Thanks so much

Hey Daisy
You truly are such a beautiful person. Thank you for all your supportive comments & thoughts.. you amke a lot of sense & I appreciate that
Thank you for the compliments too.. funny that you say that about my hair, I was thinking over the past couple of days maybe I should chop it off.. is it wrong for a 40 year old to want long hair?? I worry quite often that I'm mutton dressed as lamb :P
I absolutley agree, I NEED to be a good role model for my girls.. they tell me often that they see a huge difference between me & my hubby & their dad & their step mum.. it's quite sad really & one day I'll get in to it all deeper.
Keep going strong Daisy.. I KNOW you have the strength to hang in there


Hey Hails
Thank you .. it's heaps cool but kind of scary at the same time :P

Hey Penny
You know, it wasn't till I read your comment that I realised how true that is.. this is powerful stuff.. Usually you only read about someone who looses heaps of weight, very rarely do you know them.. it does empower me (after I shake off the coward)..
Thank you for your words of encouragment