Blondetastics Diary

[blondetastic]

Hi everyone, still going good here. Just frustrated as I did a long post and lost it all. Twice. LOL GRR. I will try again maybe a bit later. Just not that patient. And will be back to check on peeps diaries. Keep on Cohening everyone

[blondetastic]

Hi Allie and Louise (I'm sure there is a waving emoji somewhere but I can't find it). Allie thank you for saying I'm inspiring. I just have a good feeling about this year and all of us and our goals. I think it was your photo's I had a look at a couple of weeks of and OMG talk about inspiring!! That kind of thing really helps my motivation!! I have to admit I'm an every day weigher. It just works for me though it's not for everyone. I don't seem to go more than 3 days without a shift down, and I have a plan in place for when/if I do plateau - fingers crossed. So last week I lost in total 2.2kgs which was a bit of a shock. I figured 1kg. So this week may be a little slower. I am down 200g so far.

Louise, I hear ya on the coffee. I saw your post about waiting to maintenance to have a real one once in awhile. That was how I was thinking. Last year the plan was when I get to maintenance, not go back to soft drink - or keep it as a treat. Do green smoothies. And treat myself to a latte once a week or fortnight. Really enjoy it. I'm hoping to be into strength training and HIIT after refeed so want to keep eating clean 80% of the time. It is worth it for how I feel and those luxurys, like coffee, eating out etc will be things that are occasional. I never want to return to my old habits.

Had a funny day today. Yesterday went to the hairdressers, and on a random thought decided to get purple toner over my blonde. The colour is nice - ish. I loved it at first. I had a fair bit chopped off too. Sadly my hair is fine and long hair is very difficult to keep looking good even though it starts out amazing at the start of the day lol. So yeah just past shoulder length and layered, and they suggested clip in extensions which was what I had in mind anyway. The good part with them is my hair will be way more versatile.

Today I had my first eye test at an optometrist. Sigh. I really didn't think any of the frames suited me. I will need to wear them at work for long distance. My close up vision apparently is great. I am having a lot of trouble long distance and it's important in my job. Plus I will be able to see the footy scores this season.

The optometrists mirrors made me look soooooooo awful. I feel like a frump. The hair colour looked awful the hair cut looked awful, I looked awful. I hate how you cant really tell if mirrors are telling the truth or not. Anyway I worked out I need a little more chopped off the top of my hair, its kind of weighing me down. I have a nail appointment in half an hour so they are going to do that too. I should have known from past experience I would want more off the top. That will make things better anyway.

I'm kind of a bit annoyed at myself because I don't know a lot about mani's. Except that I wanted one!! So at the hairdressers was a special, $20 shellac. I have since discovered I probably should have held out for gel nails. I need some fake nails. Mine used to be long and amazing. Then I went back to work. So it looks like I have to have my very short nails shellaced. Plus its not good for your nails. Yay me. I'm hoping I will be happy with the result after and feel a bit cheered up. But hey, no room for regrets, you live and learn.

Aside from all that, still going strong on Cohens. I'm now to 107.6. Much much better than the old 140 and 122. I am so close to getting half way there. On the way home from the eye spec. I was feeling blah and thought gee a pasty would go down a treat. But what's the point? This year is going to go by whether I stick to Cohens or not. And I don't wanna be like I am now in summer. So rather than feel sorry for myself I'm taking control of the situation, doing what I can to improve things. And I'm damned if one day of feeling a bit blah about myself is going to derail me. This is it now. Its do or die.

We can all do this. We want health and a nice looking body more than we want that garbage food or to comfort ourselves with things that are not supporting our goals. For me thats the key. Surround myself with anything/everything that keeps me on track. That's what atheletes and anyone with a passion for something does. They get rid of anything that doesn't support their goals.

[Donzie]

Hey Blondetastic,

WOW! Your down to 107.6 kgs already. You are doing fantastic! It's barely been over a month - 6 weeks tops. At this rate you'll be done well before winter finishes - just in time for the warmer weather.

Sounds like your in a really good head space Blondetastic, just getting on with it. I love your thought process regarding temptation, tomorrow is coming, it may as well be a better tomorrow.

Are you feeling good? Sleeping better with more energy? I hope so.

Take Care XX

[skinnytobe]

Hey there. Thankyou for the motivation! Yes do or die and nothing must stand in our way now!!

[Fuzzy]

Yip, do or die! No option!!!
Good going, so committed. So inspiring.

[Wendym1221]

Hope the manny went well and turned out nice
Like you I find some mirrors can be hard to tell how you look
And yes we can do this and will do it

[blondetastic]

Thx for the visits ladies. Yes Donzie I am in that really amazing place in my head for now. It's easy when you see such fast results. I'm still working on the sleep. It would be nice to go more than an hour or two without waking up. Energy levels are interesting. I am feeling better, but my eyes and head feel a bit foggy. But I will be getting glasses in a couple of weeks so I'm hoping they help and it's just eye strain.

Skinny, Fuzzy and Wendy, I really want us all to hit our goals this year. I guess as someone who has been round this track many times and knows her potential, I fully understand how frustrating it is for everyone redoing Cohens. I figure we are 2 months into the new year. 10 months to go. Most of us aren't going to take the full year to get to our goals. Honestly whats a year out of a lifetime to commit to a program with guaranteed fast results?

I'm still going strong. I bounced back after my meh day the other day. Happy with my manicure. Hot pink nail polish always brightens my day!! I wasn't loving my hair colour or cut but am liking it more now. My headspace currently is: I refuse to accept anyone telling me I can't do something. How many times do we get people trying to stop us from accomplishing something or telling us it can't be done? I figure it's fine if they dont want to support or help me, I will find someone else to help me OR do it myself. No matter what it is.

I have cut back on the water, back to 3 liters. I feel not as switched on in my brain. But I'm going to take care of the sleep patterns before I think too much about it. One thing that I can't keep on top of is my lips getting dry. I use vaseline, drink the water, use lip balms etc etc. It's going to be interesting to see how my skin goes in winter.

My clothes are continually getting loser, the scales are still going down. So close to the half-way mark. I am hoping to lose 2.8kgs by March the 14th, just a mini goal I set a few weeks back. More good news, I can paint my toenails again without being uncomfortable.

[blondetastic]

At least now I know why I have been finding it hard to keep up with everything lately and feeling like I'm dragging my feet. I have not a cold I don't know what it is - the heavy head, kind of sore throat and feeling achy like I've been hit by a truck.

My body feels like it's screaming for extra food at the moment. Not even necessarily anything non-Cohens, just more while it's fighting whatever this virus is. But I'm not going to cave. I am upping my water again, taking some Vitamin C - as far as I can see they are Cohens friendly but at this point I'm not worrying too much so long as my weight doesn't go up. I had chicken and asparagus soup last night and enough for leftovers for lunch today. I haven't been sick for so long. So I'm taking it easy for a couple of days till I'm back at work over the weekend. Just hope it's going to be a speedy recovery, I don't feel like working feeling like this.

[Donzie]

Hey Blondetastic,

Sorry to hear your not feeling well. Hopefully it passes quickly.

Yes, you will have some milestones to celebrate soon, like double digits. Not to mention your little mini goal for the 14th of March, I look forward to them.

Anyway, it's great to hear about your strong resolve, and your easily painted toe nails (I'm yet to try painting my toes, must do it). So well done and keep up the good work.

XX

[blondetastic]

Thanks Donzie, I started feeling a lot better and now have a stomach virus. Only 1 good day in between.

I will be back diary visiting and posting when I'm firing on all cylinders again.

Only a small loss this week - 400g but a loss is a loss so I'm happy.

[Soon2BSlim]

Well done on your loss BT despite feeling so rotten. I hope you continue to feel better and are firing on all cylinders soon.

xx

[allie_82]

Hi Blondetastic!

Hope you are feeling better... xo

Allie

[blondetastic]

Hi Allie, Louise and Donzie, thanks for the get well wishes. Still not 100%. A lady I work with has had it too - she got it before me and has been sick for a couple of weeks. I'm at severe stomach cramping stage at random times, weirdly though - hours after eating. Weight is still going down. But being not well is making me really tired. I haven't been online much, am looking forward to just feeling better and catching up with everyone's diaries. I'm still coasting along and losing. I did end up with a 1kg loss last week. Hopefully back on here regularly real soon and hope everyone else is giving Cohens red hot go. Keep at it everyone. Hugs xxx

[blondetastic]

Allie, just wondered do you have a diary? Would love to catch up with it if you do.

Ok no stomach cramps for 2 days, things are looking up. I'm down with weight 1.4kgs in 5 days. Still amazes me this can happen. All my clothes are way looser and all parts of my body are noticeably smaller. I can feel my hamstrings at the back of my thighs.

I am so boring with my eating. But I am happy with that. I have yoghurt every morning. Usually steak and veggies for lunch and fish and veggies for dinner. Some days I have fruit most days I don't need it. I'm really fussy with fruit. And most days or at least every other day I have at least some of my crackers.

I haven't been drinking as much water lately. I do miss it. I don't feel as good but today have managed 3 liters. When I don't get in a decent amount before work, I feel my lips are really dry and I just want to drink and drink. My skin and lips went through an extremely dry stage when I was sick.

I bought some colloidal silica which is meant to be good for skin hair and nails. See if that makes a difference too. A local salon that does nails etc has an awesome brand of skin care called Skin Juice. I bought a pot of stuff for $30. It's good for dry skin, excema, etc etc and it pretty much brought my lips and skin dryness under control. A little bit goes an incredibly long way. I'm always going to have dry skin issues so the more I have in my arsenal the better. I put this stuff on my face at night and the next morning my skin was soft and the dry skin was 90% gone. Second day it was back on track. Plus it feels so amazing to use.

Ok that's enough rambling from me. Keep on Cohening everyone!! The results are more than worth the effort!!

[blondetastic]

I was hoping to be 104 this morning. I'm counting it as a win because I'm 104.2. I figure it will count if its within the range. So my next mini goal is 99 and I'm hoping to reach that by April 5. It's a big ask. I'm not sure I can really do that so may have to change all my mini goals. I do expect to be under 100 at some point in April anyway so it's all good.

[blondetastic]

This post has some similarities to what I posted at some point previously in my diary but it goes a little deeper. I have copied and pasted it from an email I sent to someone who is struggling a bit. Not on Cohens, just with binge eating in general.

The biggest thing I have learned is what we are told so many times but seemed elusive to me - if you are about to binge, STOP. Or stop mid binge. What are you feeling? What is the exact thoughts going on in your head at that time? Becoming self aware is extremely difficult when many of us live a life designed to block out the uncomfortable too hard stuff. It makes those negative thoughts that play in our subconscious blurry and out of focus. It can take a moment of clarity and deep concentration blocking out all the white noise thats drowning out whats really going on in our minds. One of my biggest feelings is usually anger/frustration. What is the root of anger and frustration? They say fear. And yep it really is. So the next step is obviously to identify the fear and challenge its accuracy. Reduce it to what it really is - usually something that isn't ever going to happen even in the worst case scenario.

So I'm going to post this as much for me - as a reference for the times my confidence is shaken. To remind myself of how I got back on track, in those times when I could so easily slip. Apologies to anyone who has read similar in a previous post but I feel this goes a little deeper and detailed.

" I always felt different to others when it come to food. As if food has some hold on me that I just can't shake. Personally I do believe whatever our vice is (or addiction) it's related to how we feel about ourselves. Low self esteem or self worth etc etc.

Functional confident people don't allow anything to make a slave out of them. They can keep things in their place and don't abuse their bodies or minds with overindulgence or with things they know are harmful.

I have been through some difficult things emotionally in the last 3 years and they have caused me to have a long hard look at myself and challenge my negative thoughts about myself. I know to some degree why I have low self esteem but instead of wasting time worrying about those negative things, I decided this year to be my own best friend. My biggest support, and to not take no for an answer. If I want something I am going to put every effort in to get it. When we do this our confidence and belief in our self grows. At the end of the day, the reasons why we feel the way we do don't really matter. Not as much as the reasons why we DO the things we do. Once we can identify the feelings, we can work on changing them.

Last year I lost 37kgs. I had more to go, but I ALLOWED a stressful relationship to make me go off my plan. I put back 19 of those kgs. I could be negative and depressed about it but that time taught me something about myself.

In life when things get to us, we do tend to sit on our pity potty and have a whinge and a moan and feel sorry for ourselves. Sometimes we have no right to because we allow or created the situation. Successful people don't allow themselves to do that. They don't spend time in regret. They look for the lesson, show gratitude they learned it then use it to move ahead.

It occured to me that when I have been doing well, losing weight etc, the weightloss is great. I feel awesome BUT I feel sorry for myself. I diet very clean and very strict. But I can have superhuman will power at times. I used to blame hormones and stress when I caved and binged. But I woke up and realized it's JUST ME FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF.

It went like this: I have friends who self medicate with alcohol - life is tough right now, have a drink let your hair down unwind. I have friends who use drugs - I'm stressed, smoke a joint, chill out (Interestingly they are some of the least chilled out people I know, so not good advocates for the relaxing good vibes of weed). I have friends who overindulge in food when they are stresssed, as if those doughnuts or biscuits are going to help.

Now there was me not even having milk in my coffee, no sugar, carbs, additives etc etc. Going through extreme stress at the hands of my weed smoking friend. I basically got rebellious. I said to him "you rely on weed to get you through, I don't. I am not drinking any alcohol, not eating to deal with things, not smoking cigarettes, just relying on my own strength. How many people do you know would put up with what you put me through without falling back on a crutch?" Of course he said none and acknowledged this testifies to my inner strength.

But I did cave. Eventually I binged. The EXACT thought that went through my mind at the time as I picked up the peanut butter jar then the Nutella jar was: To hell with this. Everyone else does what they want. I'm doing it tough. I will eat whatever I damn well choose. I will show them.

Did the binge take the stress away? No it added to it because now I had all the guilt to deal with. Did it show anyone? Only that I lost my control and gave away my inner strength. Then back came the 19 kgs over the next six months.

At the start of this year I thought back about it all and I realized I was letting life happen to me instead of controlling my life and giving it direction. I can choose to be happy and positive and face challenges head on or I can sit on my pity potty and not move until I feel like it. That could be a very long time. I realized that I am worth the kick up the butt I needed to give myself. No one else is going to smooth the way for me. The stress, the good times whatever - they will all still be there whether I binge eat or not.

On the surface it looks like a whole lot of self pity. And yes it was, but underneath was rebellion. The attitude of everyone else does what they want, I will show them, helped me identify what was really going on - a whole lot of anger. What drives anger? Fear. What am I afraid of? Well generally, failing at life. Fear of missing out. Fear I'm not good enough. All of those things would happen if I didn't take control.

So I needed a huge attitude change. I realized if others want to use drugs, binge, smoke, drink etc to cope, that's their choice. If they cause me stress, abusing my body isn't going to take that stress away. I AM WORTH giving my body the best treatment. AND my body needs it especially when I'm stressed by others. That will help me cope with the stress. Rebelling with eating was only hurting myself, I had to deal with the consequences alone. No one else was getting affected by it.

So what I'm saying I guess is this: When you want to binge or are about to or are in the middle of it. STOP, for a minute, listen to the thoughts going round in your head. Mine was simple - its not fair. everyone else does what they want and they cause me stress, i will show them, I will do whatever the hell I want.

Yours could be something like - everyone else eats what they want, I feel like I'm missing out. Or why bother trying, no one is ever going to think I look good anyway.

It could be many things. But you have to listen, while you are bingeing or about to. Identify the thoughts that are creating the feelings then have a good long think about them. Challenge them. (do it after you binge when you are ready if you have to.)

Those thoughts will come up again. You will only feel a certain feeling, one you have felt before but could never identify before. This time you will know exactly what thoughts are creating those feelings and stop them with a more positive and accurate assessment of whatever is going on with you and your life to make you think those things.

Once you know what those thoughts are the next thing you need to do is research. Get on social network sites, Facebook, Instagram, Wordpress, Pinterest, Google - find everything you can that will motivate you - first in your goals with weightloss and fitnes etc etc. Bookmark it all and look at it all every day.

I feel this is important because when I think of anyone driven who achieves their goals - they don't allow room for the negative. They fill their lives with things that will help them reach their goals.

The second thing to look for on those sites is any groups, pages, accounts etc that promote women who grind like a boss. That promote a healthy can do strong women attitude. Women who succeed. Self belief etc etc. It's all positive messages.

I wonder if there is some fear of something behind your binges. When you start believing any thing is possible for you, you will start facing some of your smaller fears successfully and your confidence and belief in yourself will grow.

I am at a point where I do believe I am worth it. I want to do it not just for external reasons- to be attractive to others etc etc but because I am worth the effort it takes to feel and look good. After all I have to live with myself 24/7.

So I guess the key in all this is with where to start. Here: when you feel a binge coming on or are in the middle of one ask yourself what you are feeling. Why? What exactly are you thinking right then and in the moments when you first thought I'm going to eat that.

I hope this is of some help to you. I have had issues in my head with weight and appearance forever. It's as if my self worth is somehow attached to those things. I blame my parents attitude for that. But I no longer waste time being angry about it, I put my time and effort into working on the project that is worth investing in for my future - me.

It takes a bit of effort and a lot of reading and looking at how people with a can do attitude get things done, and why they believe they are worth what they do, and then adopting that attitude and making it our own"

[Soon2BSlim]

An awesome read BT and so many things to think about! I will be re-reading your post often as I know I definitely have to deal with issues I have regarding eating and why I want to lose weight.

Thanks for posting this!

[@daisy]

Interestingly that you mention your self-worth attached to your appearance... I did my post before reading yours and I said exactly the same thing.
Thank you BT for taking the time to share your thoughts with us. I can relate with a few things, food for thought.

[Donzie]

Wow BT, you are certainly digging deep inside yourself for answers to what has held you back in the past. That is fantastic. Self awareness is certainly a big step in moving forward.

Sometimes I think speaking to a psychologist can help to unlock stuff below the surface which may be triggers for behaviour we want to change. While you certainly sound like you are doing a lot of that sort of work for yourself, I think the right psychologist can really be helpful.

Even youTube has some interesting psychologists that can be quite insightful. One colourful character I'm enjoying lately is Ralph Smart from Infinite Waters (diving deep). He might not be for everyone but I think his message of finding internal affection is quite pertinent to yoyo dieters. But there are many others that might resonate more for you.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjt...k6A6f_CiY2ZOlQ

I really hope we all become the best versions of ourselves, or at least closer to it through this journey.

Have a great week. X

[blondetastic]

Thanks Donzie, I will have a look at that link. It's exciting working on these things and having these light bulb moments.

So close to half way now. I have lost 2.4kgs in the last 7 days, so blown away by that. I'm officially the lowest I have been since last year so everything now is going to be where I haven't been for awhile. I didn't think I would be able to get to my next goal - under 100 - by April 5, but seeing that it's only 2.9kgs it is doable.