Trips Diary

[hexi2]

Yes deep post Trips but you know what...all this thinking and thought is REALLY important, more so than the weight itself. You are moving forward and analysing the trip you are embarking on. Congrats to you insight is really important

[Kohinoor]

OMG - if that's not a gem, then I have no idea what a gem is !!! Well done Trips - and thank you for the gift ....

Koh

[Annabelle Joy]

I'll second (or is it third? fourth?) what others have said, Trips. One thing that stands out for me is:

NO ONE IS WORTHLESS

I've spoken with so many people over the years who believe that of themselves. I always try to tell them that every person has their own talents, attributes, whatever that are special.

And I agree completely with hexi's post.

AJ

[becca]

Great Post trips, it is so true and so close to the heart, you are a great writer and have a unique way of expressing yourself. Thank you

[Faithy]

You made me cry woman.. damn it!!!!

Enjoy the rest of the book you gorgeous woman you.. It's such an eye opener & I believe a life changing book too...

You have given me tears of joy & excitement because you can now see how worth while YOU are ..

I love you so much Beautiful & I'm so incredibly proud of you.

XXX

[~Ang~]

x 2 on the crying ... and tonight is the first time I've read your diary ... you can be sure I'll be back Trips!

[babytime]

Hey Trips

It's great to see that in such a short amount of time that your mindset has become so positive, you are going to be such a great motivator to all of us, the newbies that join after you, and to the seasoned veterans that know what the deal is. The way you write things I'm sure a lot of us are going
"yep, uh huh, that's me, that's so right"

I'm glad my recipes were able to make your week a bit easier, are you eating cauliflower yet??

have a great weekend
babytime

[ConnieK..]

Hey Trips,

I agree wholeheartedly with what everyone else has said and am not suprised that the feelings you have described are a common theme here. Haven't we always used food as a comfort when things hurt? Then feel guilty and vulnerable and hurt more and eat more and then in doing so opened ourselves up for more hurt and the cycle continues.

I for one know hiding behind being fat was a protection mechanism, with the added bonus that I am a pretty in your face type of person, so if I could make jokes about my own size and point out I was fat before anyone else did then the taunts didn't sting as much.... except they did, but I told myself they didn't and wrapped the fat blanket tighter.

My 'injuries' have been plaguing me for years and only about 3 years ago I started to assess my own personality and why I needed what I thought I needed and did I need it at all (if you know what I mean) I used to want to be the centre of attention of any male in the room, was flirtatous and out there, I have come to realise the reason is that I equated the attention from males as making me worth something, probably related to an alcoholic father who until about 5 years ago always made me feel I never quite hit the top of the crop status, when he finally told me he was proud of me and he loved me I realised the pattern and also realised that it wasn't his approval and love I needed it was my own.

You are always your own toughest critic, and in my case I am very self analytical and tend to project what I see as bad in myself as everyone elses opinion, when in fact I have learned most people just like me and don't care about the faults I see in the mirror both physically and emotionally.

Congratulations on your Journey so far Trips, glad you are here on the find yourself discovery tour with us, hang on it's going to be a soul searching, exhilarating ride!

Look forwad to your diary entries as you go on, I am sure you will be blown away by your scales when you jump on them.

Connie

PS. We should start an OT poetry thread for all those emotionally venting poems, I know I have a few as well, nothing like writing a poem to open up your heart

[Trips]

Day 11 (08/03/200: Today has just flown by! Must have been the sleep-in this morning. Still as I lay in bed until nearly 9am I knew I'd be paying for it later in the day! It was worth it to snuggle with my two boys though. But then when I was making them toasted cheese sandwiches at 12.30pm for lunch I was so tempted I almost had to tape my mouth shut I tell you!! I still had 2 hours until my lunch and I was starving!! I really need a bar fridge next to the bed on the weekends, so I can lean out at about 7.30am and grab my yoghurt before I snuggle back in again!

I have to say people I was so touched and excited at the reponses everyone gave me on yesterdays post! It is truly mind blowing to understand there are other's who think/thought like me. To find that here, is sooooooooooooooo amazing! I will try to visit everyone's diary as soon as I can to catch up with you all personally, but please know that I am moved (and I"m serious) by your comments and the openness to express how you are feeling. It's like fresh air really, I feel like I dont need to pretend, or hide that I can say what I think and still not be judged for it, but more mind blowing I can be supported. Even my family dont 'get' it. SO thank you all.

I think today has been ok food wise, hubby greeted me with a jar this afternoon and said, "Here take a look at this." I dont know what I was expecting but it wasnt what he had in it! A redback spider! Damn near dropped 2kgs at the site of it!!!!!! I hate spiders. So I've spent most of the remainder of the afternoon jumping and jittering at every little thing that 'feels' like it's touching me. I swear it's been a work out in itself!!

Hope everyone is travelling well this afternoon,

Peace and Love,

Trips xxxxxxxxx

[Annabelle Joy]

Good that you could sleep in, Trips. Might one of your boys (is that a big one and a little one?) get you a 7:30 am yoghurt?

I think you can be sure that whatever you say here, at least one person, if not almost everyone, will be able to relate to it. We all started out too fat. The reasons are very seldom as simple as just that we ate too much. While individual reasons may differ, our reactions and feelings have a lot of similarities.

AJ

[jeannie77]

Hi Trips

Have just read all of your diary as I haven't been online much lately.

You have such a wonderful way with words. I have found this to be such an emotional journey.

Looking forward to reading more of your posts.

Thankyou for sharing.

[Faithy]

Oh man!!!! I'd kill for a sleep in LOL.. I haven't slept in for months & months.. my body clock is so odd at the moment.. 5.30 or 6 am.. dunno why..

You are doing so well... bravo for not giving in to the melted cheese poison

Loves XXX

[Kays Creation]

Hi Trips,

I have been reading your diary and can say it sounds like me...I suppose alot of can. I am also here for the longer haul and I too know that I certainly won't be thin in 6 months. I have 107kg to lose and tomorrow is the beginning of week 2 for me. My emotions are all over the place from tears to anger to nonchanlance and it swings all over the place because I know that only I have done this to myself. It may have been a protective gesture in the first place but who was I protecting myself from...life?? As the verse you posted said...life is about risk and risk is about growing. I too have stagnated for many years and although I have made some positive changes in the past couple of years...my weight is my last frontier. I have overcome other addictions (all in one year) and I will get over this addiction to food and the comfort of food. I have alleviated other addictions to be left with a food addictions to alleviate my emotions, fears and boredom. I am now quite willing to face whatever comes up, even if I do it screaming and kicking at the time. I too, like all, deserve to live and to feel like I have lived life and to have joy and peace. To do this I have to look at my own thoughts of me and change those thoughts to see the beauty within and then to carry that beauty without.

Kay

[Kays Creation]

Originally Posted by Kays Creation

Hi Trips,

I have been reading your diary and can say it sounds like me...I suppose alot of us can. I am also here for the longer haul and I too know that I certainly won't be thin in 6 months. I have 107kg to lose and tomorrow is the beginning of week 2 for me. My emotions are all over the place from tears to anger to nonchanlance and it swings all over the place because I know that only I have done this to myself. It may have been a protective gesture in the first place but who was I protecting myself from...life?? As the verse you posted said...life is about risk and risk is about growing. I too have stagnated for many years and although I have made some positive changes in the past couple of years...my weight is my last frontier. I have overcome other addictions (4 of them all in one year) and I will get over this addiction to food and the comfort of food to alleviate emotions, fears and boredom. I am now quite willing to face whatever comes up, even if I do it screaming and kicking at the time. I too, like all, deserve to live and to feel like I have lived life and to have joy and peace. To do this I have to look at my own thoughts of me and change those thoughts to see the beauty within and then to carry that beauty without.

Kay

[drexyl]

Hey Trips!

I guess it's better late than never to start reading your wonderful diary! Good thing I did before it got too far past page 5. You really have a very popular diary!

I've thoroughly enjoyed reading every page, as others have commented, you have a beautiful style! I really love your pic too, you have such warm eyes & smile, it's easy to see what a lovely person you are! & of course if Faithy luvs ya, you must be exceptional!

You are doing such a wonderful job & the kilo's are rapidly disappearing! I really have a problem with the deviations, but after reading your posts, I'm feeling alot stronger to be 100%!!

Thanx for joining our Cohen Family ( & Faithy for getting you here! ) You are proving to be a much loved member!

Really looking forward to reading more of your posts!

Cya from Sharlene xo

[Trips]

Day 12 (09/03/200: Technically I'm posting yesterday's entry a day late because to be honest last night I was too buggered!! LOL

In what can only be described as 'an act of madness' I suggested to my 3 year old that we 'might' go to Moomba over this long weekend. Obviously 'might' translated into 3 year old language means 'we are absolutely going and we are we are going now!" Pretty much has a similiar translation to a 6 year old too! So full of my new Cohen's energy I agreed. Let's go to Moomba!! Hoooray!!!! (Where is the warning I would feel prone to engaging in random acts of madness?????) LOL

Now I gotta say I did get myself prepared! I made a mozarella salad and took my lunchbox!! Hahhahaa I have never done such a thing in years!! Always been a hotdog on a stick with a side order or hot chips kinda girl!! But it felt good. And I have no doubt the kids benefitted from the fresh fruit and water too. I just know that hubby benefitted from carrying it all NOT! But he did it without a word of compliant so top marks to him too!

It was an exceptionally HOT day in Melbourne yesterday and I gotta say I was exhausted! Probably not the greatest idea in hindsight. But we saw a great dinosaur show and the kids didnt have to wait so long to queue for the rides because the numbers were done (undoubtedly due to the heat). I drank at least 5 litres of water, and I gotta thank Melbourne Water Supply for providing portable water filling stations so we didnt have to pay a fortune to have a drink.

The one 'downer' if you like were the teenagers and one in particular who made an obvious note of staring and rudely commenting on my lunch something along the lines of "if she's eating that how did she get so FAT" as he sat on the grass. The 'upside' of this was that with my new found confidence and belief that I AM doing something positive and good for myself I just thought ' not for much longer sucker'.... once upon a time I would have been so hurt. But now I just think, I can change my body, can you change your personality.

Anyways a warm welcome to the new people reading my dairy, it's so wonderful to see so many people stopping by, very humbling actually, and I will visit as soon as I can, but right now I gotta run - the boys have found lizards!! OH JOY!!! LOL

Peace and Love today,

Trips xxxxxxxxxxx

[cherry59]

Wow Trips you are so insightful.

I think, for a long time, holding onto my weight was safe.

So true. I have been listening to Jon Gabriel's cd as I go to sleep and one of his thoughts is to recognise the safety of holding onto weight is false and it stops us allowing us to be slim. We need to allow ourselves to be slim. A big ask at the beginning I know.

Even now I keep double checking the mirror and not really recognising myself. Nor acknowledging the fact that my true body shape is on show to the rest of the world again.

Your self analysis and soul searching out aloud here is going to be so helpful to others along the way

Keep up the great work

Cherry

[~Ang~]

Good on you for packing your lunch Trips That's great!!

That little $hit deserves a clip under the ear though ... I would've gladly done that for you

Have a great day!

[Annabelle Joy]

Pleased you had a good day, Trips. All that walking in the heat should help with the weight loss, too.

I think it's not your personality that you'll be changing (from your posts, there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with your personality), it's your level of confidence. You've already started feeling confident about yourself. Knowing that you are going to be slim is a big part of the battle to get there. You're doing so well with this journey.

AJ

[Trips]

Day 13 (10/03/200: This diary entry is about admiration and envy. I have just read Faithy's diary and her experience got me thinking. Yep I'm thinking again!! LOL

So what am I talking about? And what is envy? ENVY is the the feeling that another person possesses and enjoys something desirable - the ENVIOUS impulse being to take it away or spoil it. When I was at Uni I studied this alot when I learnt about conflict and anxieties and defences.

I believe that basically, most people are grateful for good experiences in their lives. And from these they derive pleasure. For children especially, with love and care, they are able to learn and enjoy and be grateful for good experiences. But for some, this is difficult. There are many theories about why this is so (most around being spoilt) but I wont go there now.

Unfortunately by the time we are adults, most envy is usually deeply unconscious. And sometimes without even knowing it, people like to spoil the VERY things they admire and value the most, like creativity, love, beauty, intellect and integrity. I know this has happened to me with certain family members especially.

Sometimes people who hold envy will even unconsiously choose friends who they feel may not be 'up to' their standards. And while these kinds of people are often capable of great devotion it's only for AS LONG AS you are inferior or worse off in some way to them. Mostly they dont even realise they would feel begrudging towards you UNLESS you change for the better! Hence we come to the point! Why are there some friends who just cannot cope with our/your weight loss???

Could it be they have ENVY????

Now I'm not suggesting for a second this is the case with all friends, or family, and especially not Faithy's friends BTW - her story just got me thinking!... but is is food for thought!

Peace and love tonight,

Trips xxxxxxxxxxxx