Binge Eating, Anxiety, Obsession and Panic

[bibabs]

I have decided that it is like being an alcoholic. (For me anyway) As long as I abstain , I am fine, but as soon as I have anything that is supposedly a danger food, I go mad. I mean I would not guts out on rice or potato or any veg or fruit for that matter, it is the addiction of bread, cake and chocolate. It must be the sugar. I am going to research that.

[hexi2]

Yeh let me know how you go...this craving/unstoppable feelings for carbs and sugars is maddness...cakes and chocolates never worried me pre-Cohens...my downfalls in the past for hot chips, fried foods seems to have disappeared?

[Annabelle Joy]

I had worked out prior to starting this that the high GI carb foods set me off onto weight gain, and it's very difficult to get back on track. In my case, it's not the type of immediate binge that hexi and others have described. However, the two times I went onto Atkins prior to this, I 'lost the plot' again by eating leftovers across several days. The first time my cousin brought down the best chocolate cake I have ever had, and we ate it daily until it was gone, and my weight, which had been stable for twelve months went right back up again. The second time we ate up, over several days, left over desserts after our son's engagement party, and my weight, which had been stable for four months continued up until I started on Cohen's. As long as I keep carb levels down I can eat things like nuts and cheese (high fat) and drink several glasses of wine a day with no weight increases. A single meal with bread and dessert doesn't create cravings, but carbs over several days seem to upset my insulin levels and I then develop a craving for high GI carb foods that it's very difficult to stop.

AJ

[bibabs]

Very interesting AJ, so what you are saying, is that we are actually addicted to insulin ( indirectly..or maybe the serotonin response to the insulin/bloodsugar scenario), because I know that when one is in depression, the serotonin levels are screwed up, that is what the meds correct, and if I had to describe my mood of the last while( while I had the cravings) it would be the same as prior medication for depression. Now if the serotonin was messed up , that would explain it...more carbs, higher bloodsugar, more insulin, more serotonin and voila you feel good, so the cycle starts all over again. Man alive why the hell are we so complicated?????
Hexi, I fell apart once I was home again last night...2 sandwiches before dinner,then I had diiner withou carbs. I have started all over again today and I am detemined not to fail again. I think this little chat has cleared my mind as well. So silly really. That is why COHEN takes us off carbs for 48hrs...it is to break that craving cycle, or to stop it from kicking in I suppose.

I WILL BE STRONG!!!

[Annabelle Joy]

I think that our (well, mine anyway) insulin response is screwed up. I suspect that if I test it a bit, with too much sugar (high GI carb food) it fluctuates a lot more than it should, and that causes the cravings. That doesn't sound very scientific and I'd be interested to speak with an endocrinologist to ask if it makes sense. However, I do think, bibabs, that the solution is to go through the couple of days of withdrawal to bring the insulin back under control. The diet has brought our hormone levels under control, but it hasn't fixed the underlying problem with them. If we are to keep them under control we have to continue following a diet that doesn't test them too much.

AJ

[Faithy]

I too have to watch my carb intake BIG time.. I can put on the most AMAZING amount of weight if I have too many carbs too many days in a row.. I'm thinking that for me once or twice a week is OK, but any more than that & I'm asking for trouble.. I had the most shocking binge a few weeks back & it's taken me ages to recover from it.. but I'm not well & truly back on track.. I just have to resist the bad stuff.. occasionally is OK.. but if I do have some I'm best off eating it in the evening so I can then sleep off the constant craving & then be REALLY focused for the next couple of days to not give in & have any.. I'm finding that the 2nd day is the worst.. But I tell myself how proud of myself I am for not giving in to that constant "it's OK, you can have just a little" that rings in my head.. cause quite simply I can't have just a little..

[hexi2]

Oh today I went to a forum about career advising but there was alot I thought fit with binging...

The main 2 things in success/ reaching a goal are the are skills of

1. Confidence
2. Persistance

These are the things that make us successful....and to get there we need to have the 'right' inner scripts going on inside of us

We all have 'inner scripts' (thoughts, self talk) that may be with us from a long time ago eg; I am no good at public speaking, at sports, at maths, I am a fat person etc...

If we have a goal/set a goal we need to look at our 'inner scripts' which may be telling us.... you are a fat person, you have never been thin, you are going to put weight on again...youv'e eaten this - so eat the lot

With these inner scripts going on inside our head we need to take charge and 'edit the scripts' to positive scripts eg; 'I am in control, I am a thin person, I control everything that goes into my mouth, breathe, stop/ change thought processes....

And we need to make it a habit...and persist and do it on a regular occassion..


Ok, ok it's not rocket science...but it made total sense to me

My 'script' from now on (when I feel a binge attack coming on) is to slow down the thought process, STOP and tell myself 'I AM IN CONTROL I AM A THIN PERSON AND I AM STAYING THAT WAY'

With habit (persistance) I will reach my goal....and remain the thin chick I truelly am

I also won the book 'How to change your life' by the pyschologist who gave the talk on this approach...funny how things come to you at the right time...pity I left it at work (buggar!)

[Faithy]

That's awesome Hexi!!! And good on you for sharing all this with everyone.. I'm sure it will help many others.. it's sure helping me..

One thing I NEED to tell myself every single day (no matter how tiring it gets) is that I'm NOT missing out if I don't eat something.. May sound odd but that's how I feel, like I'm missing out..

Whilst we were doing the program we realised that certain foods were poisoning our bodies.. the reality is that now we have finished the program those same foods do still poison our bodies.. we need to realise that what we really need to be doing is eating those foods we ate in re-feed.. anything else is poison.. Perhaps we can have dark chocolate once in a while, but not if that sends us in to binge eating mode.. I was going to say reward ourselves with dark chocolate, but we need to step out of that mind set too.. reward should never be food.

I'm booked in to see a psychologist in July.. I wish it was sooner, but that was the soonest I could get in. I'm really looking forward to it.

[ropemaha]

yep its all about concentrating on the head talk....or scripts if you like...

remember goils...you dont feel something first, you think it first, whether you know it or not....and getting on top of the thoughts is what its all about...

having said that i should also add that .... it aint easy....dammit....

but persistence is the key, oh yeah, and not beating ourselves up for not being perfect...

so good to get on here when i feel like eating/drinking something that wont help....

pen

[hexi2]

Went for my second session with the pysch - she said that the anxiety, panic and obsession feelings come from an inner belief that 'I am a fat person' so subconsciously my body is trying to revert itself to make that belief statement true...great stuff and is definately worth the sessions with the psych..

She also said that these panic feelings come from the flight/fight response we have to danger...

Our thought of 'I can't do this...this is too hard' triggers our body to release adrenilin to fight the perceived danger...therefore we begin to feel anxious, panic. In trying to avoid these feelings we try to stop them in whatever way we can because we feel uncomfortable....so we feed our emotion (anxiety) which help the feeling subside.

Anyway my homework is writing a goodbye letter to the old Karrina (Hexi) and burning it...it was funny as during the whole session I was really positive but for some reason when she said it was time for me to 'say goodbye' to the old me I just burst into tears, tears of grief, saddness and happiness that I am freeing myself once and for all of the old me - the only one I ever knew...what an emotional experience

[Faithy]

Just reading that made me cry.. I think I might need to do the same..

Awesome stuff Hexi .. You wont miss her when she's finally gone for good

[ropemaha]

wow she sounds good....

great to hear you are starting to hear the head talk....so empowering this stuff....you will be using it for a long time....burn baby burn...lol

penny

[shell]

Great post Hexi,

I think If I did that I would start a bush fire!

I have my appointment on Friday, as long as I can get a referal from the Doctor I cant get in to see for 2 weeks!!
Glad I'm not dying!

Shell

[Almost Eden]

What an amazing session Hex,

Saying goodbye is never an easy thing to do...especially when it's a life long friend...or foe as the case may be. How wonderful that you cried...that sounds wierd, but it's all part of the grieving process and such an important part of finally healing those old wounds. A lifetime of self harm. Am I projecting?

I love the idea of writing a goodbye letter...and then to burn it and release it back into the universe. How beautiful and symbolic. Pagan almost. I love it. I might addopt a similar approach in my healing. I think that would really help me too.

Anyway...just thought I would throw my two cents into the mix and congratulate you on your courage. Love you Miss

Eamon

[Annabelle Joy]

I like that idea of writing a letter saying goodbye then burning it. I think think there might be a whole lot of little bonfires in the vicinity of forum members in the near future.

AJ

[hexi2]

Yeh bonfires sorta go with my name hexi (little witch) she said to write the goodbye letter as a 'third person' sorta writing to the fat Karrina saying all the things I love about her, what I hated about her and how that person is no longer part of my life as there is a new improved thin Karrina that provides me with...blah, blah...I haven't done it yet but will I need some more time to think about how to let her go...sort of confronting.

When I burst into tears she said 'thats a good sign' - but at the same time it is really scary to let go of that Karrina, its the final bit...acknowledging that she will never return and that she is someone of the past, it's even like thinking how other people view me that have only ever known me as overweight...she also said the panic comes from a fear of others thinking 'I told you she would regain the weight' - this causes more panic

I find it very interesting that this 'new behaviour' of binging/sudden obsession with food is all directly related to panic/fear and the mind trying to return me to my belief systems that 'I am an overweight person'...she spoke about uncovering my inner beliefs systems which operate on a subconsious level...and therefore put into place sabotaging thoughts and overwhelming fear of loosing control...she also spoke about a 'lawyer' arguing/debating a case and to look at thoughts and argue them out with each other. If we can change our thoughts then we can ultimately change our belief system...if we change our belief system then we are no longer having to feel that this is a battle...we begin to believe things like

I am unique - I am not like everyone else
I am a thin person
I enjoy my new life
I can maintain this lifestyle
I am getting to know the new me
I look forward to this challenge and am learning new skills

She also said that when we are on Cohens - we are on a mission -its like we think when we hit goal that everything will be fixed...when we reach 'goal' its like 'well what now?' but ultimately we have to look at it like someone with a dud leg - we can have surgery, it can get better but at the end of the day we aren't like someone with a 'normal' leg and can't do everything a 'normal leg' does - we have to manage this condition for life and that means work, being extra cautious and adjusting to the fact we aren't like other people...and there is no point in putting energy into 'it's not fair - why can't I eat this or that' 'I want to be normal' 'I am deprived - I WANT TO EAT THIS/THAT'

She even used a visualisation of climbing a mountain getting to the 'top' and thinking that everything will even out when we get to GOAL - NOT TRUE we have to keep climbing...up and up it isn't finished when we get to the top...

Anyway I hope that is making some sense....but today has been another great day, still a lot of fleeting 'obessive' food thoughts coming in but I haven't felt anywhere near as anxious as I did before...at least I can make sense of what this all means and now have something to work with. I even went to the shop WITHOUT stopping and reading all the labels of chocolate...

I don't need it it doesn't agree with me

[Annabelle Joy]

Hexi, how did you feel about the end while you were on the diet? Did you think that once finished you would be able to eat what you liked, or did you expect that you would always have watch what you ate?

AJ

[hexi2]

Hey and I am sensing that there are a lot of us on the forum who are finally realising that getting 'help' isn't taboo -

We have climbed the mountain - thought/think we have acheived our mission just to realise there is a lot more work to be done.

I think it's fantastic for those of us on maintenance and those who are still on the eating plan...why not confront our inner belief systems? We have worked so hard to get to where we are...damn hard - we have been true to ourselves and believe that we deserve better in our lives so why throw it all away by being 'too proud/whatever' not to seek psychological help??? How can it hurt? It can't...and taking that first step is just another way in believing that we are better than those 'nasty inner belief systems' way better and we deserve the best!

[shell]

Obviously gaining the weight is NOT only all about the food for some of us.
For some yes, food is the "drug" of choice, but for a lot there are other issues that need to be delt with before we can move on.

I can't wait for the day that most of my thinking is NOT about what I eat, what I can't eat, what I can eat, is what I'm eating too much, is what I'm eating a good or better option.

I just want to have a normal day and not be constantly worried about what I am eating.
It is very exhausting!

For god's sake, when you think about it, it is ONLY FOOD!
We should be able to eat to live, not live to eat!!

Bring on Friday!
Shell

[hexi2]

Hey AJ

Yes I always knew that I would have to change my lifestyle post Cohens - I just assumed it 'would be easy' and that there wouldn't be as many challenges...including the panic and bingeing I have experienced its like they came out of nowhere and I certainly wasn't prepared for it...