Maya's road to health (last part -part 2)

[thenewvee]

Fabulous epiphany Maya, thanks sooooooooo much for sharing it with all of us!
You answered my question that AJ asked as well, and I'm happy to hear that EFT is working so good for you! I will try and apply in this context as well.

I just need to delve deeper and get to the core issues as you did, and I think I sort of have already! I may make some notes and take them with me to the psychologist and see if I can get to the bottom of some more answers.

I'm so happy that you have found YOUR answers and that you are on the way to where you want to be, that you have worked it out and know how to deal with it!!

Big hugz

Vee

[Kohinoor]

Hey Maya,

You just "enjoy the hell out of Hawaii" while you are there - OK? If you DON'T, it's your fault (Lovely part of the world....)

Like the others said, that is one very significant epiphany:-

I know they love me, they want the best for me, they might never understand me, but I have to trust myself and follow my heart.

Right on.... Maya, your story reminded me of our journey (mine and Mrs. Koh's). We changed countries for our benefit. Mrs. Koh had MANY dreams of boulders crushing her - they went on for some time - and stopped immediately once we changed countries. In her case, she believes it was "family pressures" that was represented by those boulders.
She has never had that dream since we moved to Australia.

As always, we chart our own course - and often, we chart our course for our own self-preservation - might sound harsh to some, but not when you are living it.....

Rock on, Maya - your posts are a delight. You just keep enjoying Hawaii as long as you can, and update us on your progress,

Koh

[hexi2]

Hey Maya,

How you holding up for this last little bit...

[Maya]

Thank You Mette, Koh, Vee... Hey, Hexi!!!!

Yes, Hawaii are beautiful.
It is the rainy season though...so my morning walks are kind of... well, RAINY!
But nothing beats to see whales in the sunrise...and blessed by the rainbow...

I must confess...it is a little hard being a guest here...the people are wonderful...we're just trying to stay out of the house as much as we can and it is hard to go anywhere in the rain. It is very cool, nights are cold...and just as I am counting minutes for the next meal, they start cooking dinner... they are both super thin, trying to put some weight on...and even if I wanna go somewhere - there's food everywhere!!!!

Today we took painting class in waterpainting - it was fun. This little island we're on, really doesnt offer much when it's raining...Tomorrow should be better and we'll drive to the nicest beach where the mountains "grow" from the ocean - it is just such a magnificent balance - graceful mountains and deep misterious ocean...
I'm also checking out to go to jump with the parachute... that would be nice, cuz we would see the island from the sky, too...

Booked whale trip for Saturday - hopefully the wind will lay down a little by then.

Anyway - having some hard time with this low pressure - we're all struggling... mornings are ok, but as the day goes on...everybody just looks like moodwalkers... even 3 coffees dont do much.

I'm getting hungrier, but also - I keep taking meals with me, hoping to get some sun... so I'm eating cold beef in the morning, cold fish for lunch and yogurt for dinner...warm meals fill me up much nicer. (...OR...maybe we'll see some loss when I come back to the scale on Monday??? )

Tomorrow is a new day and I think it's gonna be less heavy!
Have a wonderful Thursday everybody!!!!!!!!

[Maya]

Some beautiful thoughts...beautiful pictures...and beautiful music... for heavy days...
http://www.findingjoymovie.com/

[Annabelle Joy]

Good to see that you are enjoying Hawaii, Maya. Which island are you on?

That's a lovely movie.

AJ

[thenewvee]

Hi Maya!

I loved that link, it's beautiful!
Hawaii sounds wonderful, even in the rain!
You are doing so well to get through the challenges of so much food at every turn!

Keep being such a wonderful strong lady and as you say, it will pass!
The whale watching trip sounds fabulous and I hope the whales put on a great show for you!

Big hugz to you and big nudges to those scales as well so you have a lovely drop!

Vee

[Maya]

Very happy to be Back in California...

AJ, I was on Kauai. My favorite island, really! I never thought I would like Hawaii, I always imagined it's very touristic...but honestly? Soooo cute, soooo primar - sooo... just - REAL! People still speak hawaiian, they still have little stores, still not so american.

Vee, I was actually NOT doing so well, to be honest...I didnt like the fact of eating cold meals all the time and then my scale didnt wanna work, either....and I think I did a little too much morning walking, cuz the weight didnt drop as I thought it would..
And in the end we didnt do whales...

Long story...but I didnt like the people we were suppose to go with. I know this business now and their answers were just soooo made up..and the wind was up, the weather would be bad and I read some reviews and everybody gets sick on that catamaran, so I just didnt feel right about all that. I know I will see them better somewhere else, when time and place is right. It means more to me to see them while morning walking in the sunrise...


But I had GREAT TIME in nature...

Next time I will defenitely rather rent an apartment. It is just too hard being someone's guest...
The house is in the middle of jungle and it's nice, I mean, a rooster wakes you up, monkeys come to eat bananas, ... very tropical. But the house is sooo moist, the cold floor, dogs always barking (small wienerschnitzels my friend called them)... the woman just doest wanna make a change but expect me to fix her life, give her a magic formula to fix her HUGE problems (she's on 5 medications, off work, with huge depression)... The door are like closet doors, you can hear everybody breathing while sleeping, that's how loud the house is. No REAL door you can shut. Almost like curtains - even curtains would suck some noise...

BUT!
The nature, oh, my God the nature is amazing. The flowers, the green color of the island, the misterious ocean surrounding this beautiful small island covered with giant mountains and blessed with smiley people...reall, amazing...

The flight back wasnt easy. I had to sneak my food through agriculture inspection. Not easy, gotta tell you! Had my beef&veggies cooked and in 3 ziploc bags, then before going through there, you gotta put all the luggage (check in and carry on) through the scanner...so I had my dinner behind my belt (summer pants!), holding my tummy in, hoping the string of my pants wont get too lose...and apple in my hoodie, covered with my hair... Oh, boy...I literally cried when I came to the other side, just so really tired of this non-sense!!! I mean, you know what I mean...just tired.

Came home and very excited to get on scale this morning.

Not a gram lighter from last week.
Not one single gram.
Maybe I need vacation from vacation?

I also got the refeed - 20 days long. Oh, boy. Not so looking forward to that, to be honest.

Tomorrow - up to the mountains we go, to see some snow, just for 3 days. Have been thinking a lot if I should just start it...but my consultant even suggested to not start in the mountains since the altitude may effect it...and really, I am not feeling like ready for the refeed yet. Yes - mentaly - I am sooo done with this diet...but I would like to come to 55 kg, which will still be more than 7 kg more than on my last refeed.

Have a great and COOL day everybody, I missed you all!!!!

[hexi2]

Maya

Please take note of your BMI and where you are hoping to be...most goal weights are BMI 22, 23 your body is probably not dropping anymore weight as it is at its natural goal weight. Don't push too hard love...you know what happened last time...question 'will it make you happy' you know where you ended up before.

I may seem harsh but honestly it is about 'health' not the neverending pursuit for 'perfection' that never actually exists...

Be kind to your body this time Maya - be kind to yourself.

[Maya]

You are right, Hexi... You are so right...
And you know...Honestly...
I've been having these talks with myself...kind of...debating what to do...
One part of me wants to simply start the refeed...kind of afraid how would I keep the weight lower (later)... but the other part knows how great I felt when I was 50-52 kg, and this time I am only trying to get to 55 kg (set by consultant)...and I really DO WISH this to be the last diet, so I dont wanna think - oh, I can still lose some weight later...

It is about health. It is about accepting myself.
And I am not super hungry, or awake through the night, or having backpain, or.. or anything else but...just bored from dieting...

I will get some rest and then decide in next days.
Bear Bear got so much snow the roads are closed right now, so we might even have to postopne or cancel our mountain trip... Which is oK, too...

Hexi, thank you. Really. I love all the honesty. Thank You. I need it.

[Mette]

You know what I think? I think your body is ready for refeed, and if it's meant to lose the last bit, it will lose it when you start putting more food into it. It happened to Louise. Your body knows what it needs, pretty lady. Be kind to yourself.

Glad you had a good trip! I'd love a trip like that! I'm going on a long trip too, but that's just going back to Denmark, and that's not quite as exotic.

Take good care of yourself, pretty lady! Big hugs!

[Maya]

Mette, you gotta be kidding me, Denmark is beautiful?!?!?!
Believe me, Exotic is not always better!!!!
Have been exotic for so many years now...now I crave old, swiss/austrian villages with farms and high mountains...
Funny, isn't it?

You think my body is holding on weight cuz it's ready for refeed? Cuz other than that, I have no signs...and I did have those - week of no loss and then sudden drop - weeks through the diet...and through the last diet, too...?
I decided to start refeed right when we come back from mountains, like my consultant advised me. I have to go through the instructions, too, as they did change some rules from the one I got half year ago... (I saw it is strictly mentioned to keep 5 hours between meals through the WHOLE refeed and where you can add milk, that is THE ONLY exception to break the 5 hours rule...?!

[thenewvee]

Hey Maya!

I've got no answers for you! I'm struggling with similar stuff, only with a bigger discrepancy in my weight and goal range.

Hope your trip is going well and that you get some answers soon!

Thinking of you!!

Hugz

Vee

[Mette]

Hey sweetness! Yes, I think your body is ready for refeed. A lot of people don't actually get many of the refeed symptoms, and I think you're making the right choice in starting when you get back.

My refeed actually specified that when you start mixing proteins, there's no need to wait 5 hours between meals anymore. What it said about the milk was that you had to sacrifice 40grams of old protein. But then, I never liked milk anyway, and I couldn't find anywhere that I wanted to add that

You're right, Denmark is beautiful, and I'm so glad that I go back for the beginning of spring. That's when it's at its best! And Legoland will be opening up again soon! Woot! We don't have any mountains though... Flat as a pancake for the most part!

Take care, gorgeous lady!

[Maya]

Big Bear. Fairy taily cottages and lots of snow.
My friend didn't bring the right chains (brought 2 cases, but didnt check before if they fit to tires..) so when we got up, we had to go back to the valley with the sick dog in the car throwing up every time we stopped, buy the chains and then back up.
But we're here!
The fire is on in the fireplace, my stomach is busy with my beef/veggie/ricecake/orange dinner and my mount chewing a gum.

Just a thought I was just in Hawaii and now in snow - kind of cool...


Hmmm...Mette, this is interesting. My old refeed instructions said the same, but this one (new one) says 5 hours rules through WHOLE refeed...
Will ask the consultant.

Yes, I decided to start the refeed. As I said to Vee, I decided I wanna be a fun girl, not a thin pin obsessed girl. And if someone thinks my cheeks are fat I'll just make fun of my chubby face.

Vee, I really think our minds are getting tired... taking some time to get some nutrients and some time for the mind to catch up with the change would be very welcome...

Big warm but cool hugs to everybody!!!

[thenewvee]

As I've come to realise, Maya, you are so wise, and you are definitely listening to your body and have learnt so much this time around on the program.
Way to go!

Hope you have a wonderful, restful stay in the cold snow, but warm log cabin! It sounds wonderful. Quite the opposite of Hawaii, which also sounded wonderful but in a totally different way. At least it is not raining there in the snow!

It looks like we may be doing refeed together! Yay!! A refeed buddy!

Hugz

Vee

[Maya]

I AM SOOO READY FOR THE REFEEEEED!

I've been so down these two days.
Tired of this food, tired of the diet, tired tired tired (mentally).
Seing my body in the mirror, knowing what I went through to just go back to where I was and seing the leftover side effects just made me sooo sad.

Hard to gather the motivation for TWENTY days long refeed, to be honest...

Watching skiers sliding down the ski slopes is like sniffing peanut butter for me right now. I WANNA GO SKI! I wanna DO something!!!!!!

So, since I'm already gonna be celebrating my LAST SOLO VALENTINE'S DAY (cuz I'm metting my man soon!), I might even try to start the refeed. The problem is we're staying few more days up here and as my consultant said I should wait to come from the mountains before I start...

I will see, but I'm ready.
Ending on Friday 13th (oh, that's tomorrow!) and starting with all the love on Valentine's day.

Honestly - I am not looking forward for the refeed, cuz I've been there and I was dissapointed every day by how little food was added. Maybe I was soooo looking forward for it the other time that I got dissapointed. Might be easier this time, who knows?

OK, so...something else happened that might have bigger effect on me as I'm probably willing to admit...
As you know I left the boat and the captain and all that...but yesterday I received some weird notes from guests...saying what's going on and... so I checked our website and the guy just took me off. Without saying anything, without any comment that the crew has changed, he put me and my assistant off as we never existed.

I know longterm it is best this way, but ... feels kind of bitter...after so much we did, so much of energy we put into his company... he still owes me few thousand dollars I will never see... and now we simply got erased and...he even put a new girl working (she seems nice) but put a picture of her with the bottlenose dolphin - for which he knows is my favorite - and my friend is 100% that was completely intentionally...

Once I was telling him how incredible it seems that some couples that have so much love for each other can turn around so much - how someone can switch and become so mean (divorce wars) to someone he/she loved before...now I can't believe he is behaving like this?!??

So, anyway - dreamed about packing things from the boat again last night...
Maybe that's the biggest reason to feel bitter...

[thenewvee]

Sending you lots of fairy dust to pick you up and give you lots of motivation and excitement to finish this program and be done with it forever so that you can move into maintenance and maintain your healthy slim body through what you have learned and are still learning!


Your idea of loving yourself enough to start on Valentines is such an excellent idea!

If you want to ski, go and ski!! It is not going to mess with you that much, is it? I can hardly see that it will, especially if you just do it for a short while, not all day! And it seems you love it so much!! So why deprive yourself?

More big hugz for you special girl!!
Put a smile on your dial and know that you are looking after yourself which is the greatest gift you can give yourself!

I have no doubt that you will have a fabulous partner in the not too distant future!
You will attract a great person with your great vibes!!

Vee

[Maya]

Oh, you are pure beauty, Vee!
Thank YOU!!!!

No, my consultant said NO skiing, no heavy activities...
I did walk every day in hawaii and was too much, didnt lose 100 grams during the whole week... So, I'm really trying just to move around without any workouts.

thank you for all the fairies!!! I WILL NEED THEM!!!!!
My bag of motivation is getting soooo empty... Thank you thank you thank you VEE!!!!!!!!! Am sooo glad we're together sliding into the waters of the refeed!!!! It is defenitely gonna be more fun sharing it with you!!!!

[hexi2]

Hey maya

You know what I think? Maybe THIS time refeed will feel like enough food because THIS time is different THIS time you have not gone into starvation mode like you did before...THIS time your body is in harmony, your hormones are balanced and your body is ready for the food with satisfaction

THIS TIME IS YOUR TIME and you are doing it right!

THIS TIME IS DIFFERENT

All the best sweety