Started refeed

[heavenlylamb]

I started refeed on Monday.
I am still a bit away from my goal and a way away from Cohen's goal weight, but I was so hungry, and also sooo cold that I decided to start. I was so cold that I would have 5 layers, including a jacket, plus a rug over me and the heater on to watch TV and I was still shivering. So, I felt that my body just didn't have the fuel it needed to keep warm.
I'm very happy with where I'm at now. I'm a size 10 top and size 12 pants (down from a 22/24).... I don't think I'd get down to a size 10 in pants. I have "Childbearing" hips. There is no fat on the widest point of them now, and its that point that just won't squeeze down into a size 10!
My waist is fairly flat, but my thighs are still a bit fatter than I would like. My arms and the rest of my legs are very slim. and I have a bust I can be proud of, without it poking someone's eye out!
and of course, my health is much better than it was. I am no longer frightened to go to sleep in case I don't wake up in the morning. My cholesterol is low and my BP is normal. So, I'm very happy with where I am compared to this time last year.
My refeed is 15 days. I'm really enjoying my bread allowance. I've had blueberries (frozen) with yoghurt, so I need to branch out with some other "good" fruits. and I'm not so cold anymore! I'm really looking forward to being able to have grilled octopus and lamb when the new protein kicks in. and grilled cheese on toast! I nearly had that today, but no griller at work, so its just microwaved, which is not quite the same!
I'll update my photos later in the week. I bought a great suit last week as a reward and took some photos in it on the weekend! (and because we had some high powered meetings for several days, and I only had one suit which fit!)
So, the finish line is in sight... it has been more of a "long and winding road" than for many people, but I've got there in the end!
Pen

[Nelle]

That is so excellent to hear that you have started refeed congratulations!!! you must be so proud of yourself being all thin and happy and stuff I can't wait til i get there too. We can't wait to see the new you photo's

good luck with refeed

nelle
xoxo

[Jo]

Congratulations heavenlylamb; that's wonderful news!

[Kristine..]

Hello Pen

That's fantastic - 48 kilos gone for good! No wonder you are shivering.

As for the 'child bearing hips', well, no matter our weight, we are all different shapes and sizes and viva la difference!

Yes, it has been a somewhat difficult journey, but you have made it safe and sound, and a transformed woman. And what a woman! You have truly performed the Pilgrim's Progress to get to your Holy Grail, but at times the journey has perhaps resembled Monty Python's version of the Search for the Holy Grail rather than some pious, serious, treck on a narrow and unrelenting path.

John Lennon famously said 'Life is what happens to you when you've made other plans' but you have stuck with your plan despite anything which Life has thrown your way over the past twelve months.

So I hope you 'knock em dead' in your Power Suit, and more power to you, Pen, for sharing your whole journey with us.

Best wishes

Kristine

[asy]

Magic Pen!

I bet you're thrilled.

I know what you mean about the hips, mine have absolutely no fat on them at all now, but they're still a size 12 (sometimes a 14, but sometimes a 10)... Mostly they're a 12.

I know I'll NEVER be a 10 in the absolute sense, and that's OK. I don't care, it's just a number. I'm happy, healthy and great fun, just like you.

Go, buy clothes. Be warm. Be happy.

asy

PS: oooooh, cheese toast... Might do that tomorrow!!!

[Melissa]

Congratulations on your success and heres to enjoying your new life and all it brings.

Melissa

[heavenlylamb]

Well, my long and winding road appears to have taken another bend........
I did really well my first 5 days of refeed. my weight was very stable. Then I went out for dinner on Friday night (day 5), and the next day I had gone above the 1kg weight gain. It settled down again after repeated the 2 days, but not quite back within my 1 kg range, and then I went out on Monday night, and I'm up 2kg, which hasn't shifted going back the 2 days. The other thing that happened was that I started to react to the bread... my tummy just swelled up. It didn't happen the first few days, but by Monday I started to feel like I was being poisoned!! So, I switched back to crispbread yesterday. I still don't feel like its completely out of my system yet. My gut certainly doesn't feel back to normal yet. But it looks like I certainly can't manage bread every day.
So, I'm not quite sure what to do now. I'll be ringing the clinic this morning. But I'm certainly not happy at this weight! I still feel really bloated, although my clothes are not tight or uncomfortable.
Until I speak to them, I've gone back on my original program.
If I don't complete refeed now, then I probably won't go back on it again until mid-August, after my holiday and 40th birthday celebrations. But when I started the program I said was determined to keep the weight off..... My focus has never been on losing the weight, so much as stabilising my weight and this weight loss being forever.
So, we'll see what they say
Pen

[heavenlylamb]

spoke to the clinic... they suggested either going back and doing the 2 days again, or going back on the original program, getting the weight back off and then doing refeed again then. So, I think at this stage, I'll go back onto the program and try to get the weight back down and then start refeed again after my birthday in August. But I'll have to take it one day at a time and see how I manage!
Pen

[Kristine..]

Hi Pen

While I was on the program itself, and although my deviations were limited to three meals in the twenty weeks, when it came time to do refeed I considered that I had to be extremely vigilant and to make sure that I finished the program as accurately as possible.

This is no mean feat! Refeed is fiddly, and while not impossible, it caused me some anxiety particularly in the first week as I was 'caught short' with the increases in protein and believe me, I was totally flummoxed when it came to mixing protein! I just couldn't figure out how to do that, it seemed really weird and unnatural to have mixed proteins in the one meal.

However, as luck would have it, I did have some meals out during the refeed weeks, and simply did not participate in the meals. I appreciate that you may not have this option due to business engagments, but it would seem from your reactions during the first part of refeed that something is amiss and that, despite the cold, your body is perhaps not yet ready to come off the program. No doubt this is dissapointing to you, but as your long term goal is not just the loss but the stabilisation of the weight, it would seem to be double important for you to make sure that refeed is undertaken with military precision!

My maintenance notes included cautions such as limiting fruit and other sugary foods depending on the extent of the previous obesity. This disease is an insidious beast As I have commented in other posts, I don't think I will consider myself 'cured' for some time yet if at all, twelve months is not long enough, I am still in recovery.

Hang in there with the retracing your steps. Doing it properly now will, hopefully, mean never having to do it again.

You look too good as a slim 40 year old to even consider any alternative.

Best wishes

Kristine

PS I went to see a Chinese customer of mine for the first time last evening. During an earlier phone conversation I had mentioned that I am 57 (I like my age and am proud of it and of my life experiences).

When I arrived he gaped at me - '57? Did you say you were 57? How can that be' he said 'I would not have thought you were any older than 40, or maybe 45!'

Believe me, slim people have lots more fun than non-slim people. When you have been slim for a year you will realise the profound difference being slim makes!

[heavenlylamb]

Hi Kristine,
I'm not feeling too disappointed now. Probably the most relaxed I've felt on the program for quite a few months - the last 2 days at least! We'll see how I go. and the worst of the cold weather seems to be behind us.
I lost over 1kg yesterday, so I'm back in my "Comfortable" range. But I'll continue on with the program for a while and see what happens and then try to find a few weeks where I'm not travelling too much or eating out too much so I can focus more on the refeed.
Its probably for the best that it didn't work out now. I've got my 8 night cruise, and then straight after that, it looks like I'm off to Europe on a quick trip for about a week, and then I have my birthday party. So, its probably better to be heading into those with stricter guidelines... otherwise the weight would be back on again quicker than you can say "Deviation"!!
Pen

[anna]

Hope you have a great holiday!

Best of luck with the refeed!

Anna

[kagiesen]

Hi Pen

just wondering how you are going now, if you dropped more weight, and if you completed your refeed?

I really admire you for all your hard work in loosing the weight, it's very inspirational, and I hope you have remained on track?

I have only started today... so a bit to go. Fortunately according to dr. Cohens I only need to loose about 8 to 10 kilos.

Keep on the good work

Katrin

[meagain]

Hi Pen,

I was wondering how you were going?

cheers

[heavenlylamb]

Sorry, I haven't been keeping up with the forum so well over the past month or so. My computer broke down, so I have to "steal" time on my work or hubby's computer!
So, I went on the cruise, to Germany and had a birthday party. After all that, I was about 5kg above what I had been when I started refeed.
Then I went back on the plan and got back down to 71kg and then sabotaged myself again and got back up to around 74kg. So, I realised that I have an emotional "block" which I need to get over in order to get back under the 71kg mark.... Everytime I get there, I seem to lose it.
I had another trip to Germany this past week.... I've just got home this afternoon.
My father-in-law died while I was away, (he'd been sick for around 6 months), so I had to come home early. (thai upgraded me to FIRST CLASS! So, that was a very special treat, but clearly not good for keeping to an eating plan! (or drinking plan... I drank alot of alcohol, by my standards anyway!)
So, I have my FIL's funeral on Tuesday. There is alot of stress in the family, so it may be a challenging few days.
After that, I'm free and clear to head back on the plan and get off this extra weight and try to get back to the refeed and go from there. I have found it very helpful to have a time of "stabilising".... I can now see more clearly where the extra weight is that I need to lose. I couldn't see it before. So, hopefully that will provide me with some motivation. ALthough I have to say I'm quite happy with my weight sitting around the 71-73kg mark. But any higher than that and I begin to feel chubby again.
So, I'll see how I go over the next few weeks.
Pen

[Kohinoor]

Hi HL,

So sorry to hear of your recent personal loss - your FIL - I wish you well over this time. Many funerals end up being celebrations of a life well-lived - I hope this applies to your FIL - it makes things so much easier to take if they are this way.

Meanwhile, you have been very active. Trips overseas can bring their own problems - so I wish you the best with getting back on track. As you are a seasoned veteran here, I'm sure you will be OK.

Koh

[magenta]

Hi Pen, so sorry for your loss and I hope the day is ok for you. I also had to help bury my mother-in-law a week and half ago. A day which change my way of thinking for ever. Will there be a viewing? Remember to take those little packets of tissues. All the best with getting back on track with this programme. I'm sure you'll lose those pesky extra pounds in no time.

[heavenlylamb]

Originally Posted by Kohinoor

Hi HL,

So sorry to hear of your recent personal loss - your FIL - I wish you well over this time. Many funerals end up being celebrations of a life well-lived - I hope this applies to your FIL - it makes things so much easier to take if they are this way.

Meanwhile, you have been very active. Trips overseas can bring their own problems - so I wish you the best with getting back on track. As you are a seasoned veteran here, I'm sure you will be OK.

Koh

Hi Koh and Magenta,

Thanks for your kind thoughts. and Magenta, sorry for your loss as well...... its a difficult time as our parents grow older.

The funeral is the issue causing most of the problems. My husbands family seem to have a phobia of funerals.... they are complaining about the funerals they went to many many years ago, and so, at this stage, 1/2 of the family, including my mother in law are not planning on attending. Which is really hard for us and its reigniting unresolved conflicts between different members of the family. (his sister and brother have not spoken in about 20 years!!!)

My dad died in January, and his funeral was one of the most special days of my life, and of my husbands as well. So, we have this totally different idea of what a death and funeral can and should be, and we feel like they are ripping themselves off. Its also making it so much harder to really grieve, cause there are all these other peripheral issues and crap going on.

Its such a stark contrast between the two deaths, that I think it makes it more challenging for us as well. After my dad died, I said that if everyone could have such a positive experience of their parent dying, they would be so blessed. Unfortunately, the experience for my husband is so much more negative, and that makes me sad as well. I wish his experience was like mine, so that he could take this memory into the future as a really positive time.... His dad was nearly 90 and had a great life. Its a shame for the memory to be spoiled.

There will be a viewing, but I don't plan on attending that part. I'll look after the kids and let my husband go. I'd prefer to remember my FIL in life, than see him in death. I saw my dad soon after he died.... really I think people just look like a "shell" once they die. Its so clear that the "person" is no longer in there. So, I'm not so interested in seeing the body..... more in sharing the memories. But everyone is different, and I think it will be good for my husband, and also one of his sisters lives overseas, so it will help her to process things.

I learned a great technique through Australian Idol, which came in very handy during my dad's funeral..... if you are crying and need to stop, you tickle the top of your month with your tongue. So, I'm sure I'll put that to use as well this time. At least, this time I don't need to speak out the front!

and yes, I will get back on the wagon. I'm very committed to keeping off the weight, no matter how long and how many goes it takes!

Pen

[Kohinoor]

Hi Pen,

Unfortunately, the experience for my husband is so much more negative, and that makes me sad as well. I wish his experience was like mine, so that he could take this memory into the future as a really positive time.... His dad was nearly 90 and had a great life. Its a shame for the memory to be spoiled.

Ah, gee, that is so sad to hear. I think celebrating a life is so worth while. And it seems that your hubby might get the raw deal here. I hope not, and hope that things might work out well after all... (hoping against hope?)

Just be with him, Pen, and give him space when he needs it (it seems he may need some time in this awkward situation - I know I would - it sounds pretty awful). Could be hard on you too, but I'm sure you'll be ready for it.

Koh

[meagain]

Originally Posted by heavenlylamb

There will be a viewing, but I don't plan on attending that part. I'll look after the kids and let my husband go. I'd prefer to remember my FIL in life, than see him in death. I saw my dad soon after he died.... really I think people just look like a "shell" once they die. Its so clear that the "person" is no longer in there. So, I'm not so interested in seeing the body..... more in sharing the memories. But everyone is different, and I think it will be good for my husband, and also one of his sisters lives overseas, so it will help her to process things.

Pen,

I am really sorry about your FIL. It's funny how we all view things differently. My sister, who lived overseas, died after a vey short and sudden illness, it was 11 weeks from diagnosis to the date she died (last month). My BIL did not want me at the funeral - I think I would remind him too much of my sister, and my sister did not want me to see her ill - she thought this would distress her more than it would me. The last time I saw her, she was playing with my kids in the park. It would have given me a great deal of comfort to have seen her at a viewing. Seeing my Dad's body gave me comfort because was out of all his pain.

But there you go, maybe I'm a ghoul.

I hope the funeral is a wonderful celebration of a life lived well.

[magenta]

Originally Posted by heavenlylamb

really I think people just look like a "shell" once they die. Its so clear that the "person" is no longer in there.

Yes, you are so right. When I viewed my mother-in-law, the room the coffin was in, before it came out for the readings, was so quiet, the air was still, no energy in it all.

Originally Posted by heavenlylamb

I learned a great technique through Australian Idol, which came in very handy during my dad's funeral..... if you are crying and need to stop, you tickle the top of your month with your tongue.

Wish I'd known of this, would have come in very handy in deed.

For those who do end up going, I hope they do receive something positive from attending. You're in my prayers, Pen.