Maya's road to health (last part -part 2)

[Maya]

So....here I go again.

For those who don-t know my story and are reading this...
I've been on this diet in March 2008, had NO idea what to expect, I thought another diet that will help me get a little more in shape...hoping to get my hormones in balance...(I am from Europe, intruder on this forum ... so I'm doing the internet version, where you only get some help from consultant, but no personal visits or really personal approach and really, it-s hard to know what to expect when you sign up for this).

Why am I back?

After I realized how serious this diet is, how strict and actually complicated (weighing&...), I knew it's gonna be hard, because I worked on the boat and I was travelling, working, cooking, swimming and doing everything that's not recommended while on this diet.

The biggest problem was - finishing my diet in completely wrong situation, wrong mindset, wrong place, wrong time...

I was very strict with myself, I went way too low with my weight (at 48.6 kg I started refeed) as I didnt recognize my "time to refeed" signs... And very happy with where I got...but the day after the refeed I went to this All you can eat buffet and then got stucked in some situations where I simply couldnt dedicate myself to my body, eating... I was far away from home, alone, very tired, no time or place to weigh myself, plan meals, sometimes cook,... One thing led to another and I ended up completely depressed. Found a nutritionist, worked with her for a while, but that only put more pounds on me, so I'm back at where I was in March.

I did a lot of thinking weather to do this again...because I know dieting is not a solution...but I have been working hard on my mind, my emotions for 2 months now (doing mostly nothing but that) and I realize that yes - being obsessed with food is not healthy...but it is even worse feeling the way I feel now. Tired, unhappy, bloated, fat, unworthy, sad, dissapointed, out of my body, completely...All the symptoms of unbalanced hormones are back - nightsweats, terrible skin, water retention... actually dont even wanna count them all.

And I know how good and happy I was when I was 17 kilograms lighter, so I defenitely wanna go back there again...

I learned so much from the last time I did the diet and I wanna implement what I have learned.

-to work on my emotions during the diet
-to treat myself with some massages and other nice things
-not to obsess so much about everything and not try so hard to be 150%
-accepting that even after diet I will have to be careful and avoid carbs


I also know how the diet works, so its not so hard to be back on it. I must say I have hardly any real temptations as for the first time it was terrible!

I also started first 4 days with the old plan, which already took some kilograms off me (4.7 kg) - a lot of water, I know... and today I received a new one. I decided to have a new one because my bloodwork was different form the first test.


I went to the seasidehouse, where I'm alone, cooking for myself and not having to smell any other food and this helps, too. I am also gonna rest and sleep more than I did the last time.

I do wanna work on this more, though...I wanna find out why is it so important for me to be certain weight... If I-m a little bigger, I feel like a loser, like I am no one..I'm too ashamed to go anywhere, I just lock myself at home and feel like a total and complete failure. Just now, with few kilograms less, the story is 100% changed already...I feel so much more "me" already... Hm...I still have a lot of work!

I might be very chatty in this diary as I decided not to share this with people around me. My best friends knows, but mostly it was much harder for me when people knew about it, so I decided I wont tell them this time.

I also have some new opportunities for next summer that would absolutely require me in a good shape...but more about that when and if it will be more clear...

Anyway, I-m back, already feeling much much better and hopefully this will be really my LAST diet.

[thenewvee]

Welcome back, Maya!
Well done for facing those scales, realising your issues and facing them head-on!
You are one courageous woman, and you will overcome all your challenges and come out the winner!

I'm so glad that you are somewhere nice and quiet, where you can focus on you while you are doing this program! That will help you a great deal, and you will also have a lot of time to think about things and work things out in your mind!

Big Hugz for taking the steps that are important to you and for doing what is best for you!!

Vee

[Mette]

Welcome back, Maya! Good to see another European on the forum! I'm originally from Denmark, but have been down under for 4 years. You will be done and dusted in no time, I have no doubt about that! You know the program and you know it works. I think it's important for you to use it to change your life style, though, otherwise it's too hard to maintain, and you don't want to have to do this a third time!

Good luck, I look forward to hearing more about your journey!

[maria1969yellow]

Hi Maya, your here and you are making changes... I love this forum and the programme and how its changed my life in so many ways. You will do it. Stick around and enjoy the journey. Sounds like you are pretty organised and your determined.

You will do it this time!!!!!!

Have a great week and its also great you got your new programme but excellent effort for the big loss already.

[Maya]

So, this is my offical day 2 (+ 4 old plan days) and I must say...
I can't believe how GOOD I feel!!!!!

It is uncomparable from the first time I did this diet! I remember being constantly hungry, miserable, on the edge to simply get off the diet...

Now I finally see what everybody's been talking about... How good and happy they were, no cravings, nothing!

Maybe this new plan does work better for me?
I dont know, I just know I'm so happy again!
I have lots of energy, lots of ideas...sooo glad to be back...


Thank You Vee, yes, staying in such a blessed place, all alone in a whole bay...with fireplace...its just amazing...really...

Mette - there WILL BE NO 3rd time!!!! NO NO NO! I love this diet, yes, but... I really wanna be realistic and heatlhy and free... I know the last diet was necessary to take me where I got, because I finally faced my problems and not just fix the symptoms...So, hopefully this approach (no, not hopefully - DEFENITELY) will bring me to a new, happier, more lovingmyself me...Thank you for stopping by!!!!!
Do you miss Denmark? You ever go back? I think one day I will end up in Australia, too...somehow I can feel it...

Maria - I know this forum is such a big help...That's why I keep coming here... very motivational and inspirational. I am glad you're on here, you're doing so well!!!!!! Yes, we will we will make it!!!!

Have a great day everybody!!!!
Aren't we simply lucky lucky lucky?!?!?!

[Mette]

I haven't been back in 4 years. Going back next year though. It'd be cool if you ended up here too! Where are you from?

[Maya]

Slovenia...but right now in Croatia on a coast...(less than 2 hours drive from home)...

I have been in Aus few years ago and knew eventually I would come back... I think it's just the matter of time...

[Mette]

It's strangely addictive, this country. Mind you, I've found the world's most amazing man down here, so that might have something to do with it I didn't even know that Cohens existed in Europe! I thought it was only in US, Singapore and here... Just goes to show how little attention I paid to these things in the past

[Maya]

Mette, I'm sure you must be double in love with Australia...
Yes, this program is actually available anywhere in the world, I think - if you have a lab, then you can do it, it's all internet based. All comunications and everything is via internet, so it doesnt really matter where you are. I know some from Austria, doing this, too.
But 100% better if you have a clinic you can go to.. I am just realizing how the whole approach is the most important....the understanding what got us here, the preparations to be "thin"... all of that is sooo incredibly important. A person you can talk to...get eye to eye answers...I'm just having some problems with my consultant...and it takes a while sending and receiving the mails...

I dont understand - the first consultant told me that shrimp that was precooked is OK (as is tuna in water and shrimps in water ok, also precooked)... This one says NO to precooked shrimps...
They also recommend Centrum multivitamins but I think there's so much starch and other c.ap in it, I wouldn't think its good....

Oh, well... I just also had a weird morning...
I felt so down.
So sad. More I'm reading diaries from people in maintnence (other forums, too), more I see that everybody has problems in the end. A lot a lot a lot of cries for help...and not necessarily people go on their old ways of eating, but it seems like everybody REALLY have to almost be GLUED to the maintnence rules...seing so many keep coming back to the diet, yo yoing and avoiding carbs as they are poison... just doesnt sound appealing...

I wish I could find a way to be able to really get so intune with my body to hear what it needs. I'm sure it wont need sugar and fastfood...

Or maybe these are just my sabotaging thoughts trying to creep in...

Anyway, I decided to take one day at a time...
We have a saying "You can throw the gun into the corn tomorrow too." (which means, you dont have to give up today, even if you want to - try one more day, you can still give up tomorrow...) - not that I'm giving up, far from that... It's just making me realize how much I still have to deal with in my head...

Happy Wednesday everybody!

[thenewvee]

Hi Maya!

Yes, the different clinics seem to have some different advice from each other! I'd just stick with what this one says to you now. The vitamins are a personal choice, I think, if you know what you took before was good and acceptable, then keep with those!

It sounds like you are moving through the process of coming to terms with what this journey means to you in a much more accepting way! You are coming to terms with who you are and what is going to be best for you! I love your style!!

Interesting bit there where you post about reading maintenance diaries and how so many are struggling to mainteain their weight unless they stick to the guidelines. To me that would suggest that perhaps they are reverting to old habits (which happens all to easily) and as a result they end up gaining weight again! Being able to stick to the guidelines once I'm finished is the part of the program I've had the most trouble accepting, because I have had to realise that that is how it is going to be IF I want to remain slim and healthy! I've been resisting accepting this small thing for so long, and I don't even know why, cause the resistance has really made life very difficult for me. It would really be so much easier to just go with it, and to always keep in mind that food is fuel, not entertainment or comfort or a crutch!

Your quiet retreat sounds lovely, and a much better environment for you to do this program! Enjoy this YOU time!

Big hugz

Vee

[Mette]

I think that a lot of people forget to deal with the issues they have with food while they are on the program. Many have this thing in their head that Cohens is just temporary and they can go back to doing whatever they were doing before they started it without consequences. One of my favourite sayings is 'idiocy is repeating the same actions and expecting different results'. I think the important thing is to start thinking like slim people, realising that, yes, you do have to stick fairly closely to the Cohens guidelines and when you do indulge, do so with moderation.

Also, there are a lot of success stories out there too. Look at Shell and Asy, just to name two. My consultant is another one that has been really inspirational to me. She's managed to keep it all off since she came off the program 2 years ago. Don't despair! Wise choices will keep us slim!

Regarding the vitamins, I don't think we can have Centrum tablets, because there is lactose in them. At least my program is very specific about that. We have Blackmore's sustained release multivitamins. They're very good!

Sorry, I'll stop rambling now

[Maya]

Thanks Vee and Mette for stopping by...

Vee, I agree, I so agree...I agree that people go back to their old eating habits, but also people that are trying to eat healthy and NOT as they did before, seem to be very sensitive to food...

So, I think my last diet was to bring me to where I really had to face my problem. WHY did I stuff myself with food?

This morning was tough, cuz I felt better in my body already and I was like...ok, I'm totally ok with how I look now... Then suddenly I remembered how invisibile, thin, fragile I felt sometimes after the diet in summer... and then I had to ask myself - what am I afraid of?
Where do I not feel strong enough? First I cried...just tired of this diet-food-selfhate... and then I asked angels to help me...it-s ok, if I have to feel sad for a while, but help me learn, help me see what I-m suppose to see here...so I got this answer that I have to figure out WHY am I afraid to give up my "high carbs fun meals"... Why do I give such importance to food? Why is food such big part in my life? I have been working on it through last months, but now my body got literally involved, as it's losing the shield.

I realized I was afraid...when I will be done with diet...how to stay there...as I slipped once already and I know how slippery it is. And then...the work...

I got this very clear sentence...
"When the basic things in life are good, food is the side thing. When the basic things are wrong or gone, then food is the first thing."
So, no wonder it was all about food after my last diet, because I left the job, I finished my masters, I was alone, didnt know where to go, what to do... unhappy...no place to go running and let the access energy out... so, food became the MAIN thing in my life.

Im very passionate person...passionate about EVERYTHING in life. Which is sometimes good, but sometimes simply...too much. So, when I eat - I EAT.

Balance.
Balance is the key.
I'm getting some ideas now about my future and really - immidiately I start getting ideas, food and my look slipped down on the importance scale BIG TIME.

Yes, Mette, Blackmores, I heard about them...but i can't get them here...only in Australia...I am trying to find some store that would ship it over...I did a research here and most of them have the B6 too high...or are simply sooo sinthetic that it makes more damage than good....

[Maya]

Mette, I just checked the Blackmore's and they have 30 mg of B6...Isn't it suppose to be less than 5mg?? Or am I looking the wrong ones... Blackmores Sustained Release Multi?

[Mette]

No, I think you're right. That's a bit of a worry. I never looked that closely at them. I think I'll send an email to my consultant and double check! Don't want to do something wrong!

[thenewvee]

Maya, I too use the Blackmores (the one you listed) and I have not been hungry on this program at all! It is one of the vitamins that is approved by our clinic in Brisbane!

I'm still interested to see if taking magnesium will make any difference for me, as it is claimed that magnesium addresses PMT issues as well, so can help with those PMT cravings and headaches! I guess everyone is different, so we need to try what works for us! Don't be too hung up on the B6 content. I can't remember how much they said it had to be, I just take my multis, sometimes even twice a day!

Vee

[Maya]

OK, thanks...Its just, that in our "internet Cohen's version", it is very strictly noted that B6 is not allowed to be more than 5mg as it gives you cravings? Even my consultant specified that again...
Am interested to hear what your clinic will say...

[Maya]

What a night... My older dog kept barking like never in his almost 13 year life... I got up 5 times to put him in garage...then I got up at 6 and the younger dog tore apart the doggybed outside, it looks like it was snowing... I wore them out good yesterday, the younger one played until he couldnt even stand anymore and they were up WHOLE night?!?! I bet they are protesting cuz my mom and dad left for few days...

Anyway, did my first week weighing (from MY start) and I'm down 5 kg. I was so hungry I made myself chicken and green pepper for breakfast... I know, but my body wanted food...

Am not feeling so positive today.

Oh, what a night...

[Mette]

That's excellent, Maya! You gotta be happy with 5 kilos gone! And chicken for brekky isn't bad! I was mixing things up a little a while back and actually had beef for brekky. It was nice! I hope the hunger settles soon for you. It might be a sign of a good loss!

[thenewvee]

Hi Maya!

5kgs is awesome! Well done!



I checked with my consultant about the B6 content. She said it can make some people more hungry, but if it didn't make me hungry, then it is ok to have.

Hope you don't have the hunger like you had before!
Also hope the dogs are ok!

Vee

[Annabelle Joy]

Great loss, Maya. It's not going to take you long to get where you want to be at that rate.

I think that it's difficult to change the habits of a lifetime. It takes time and effort. It's much easier to make changes that you know are for a few months only. However, there are a lot of successes on maintenance. The ones who have no problems are much less likely to return to the forum. The ones who are back here and still working on getting it right aren't failures, just haven't succeeded yet. You are only a failure if you give up.

AJ