Butterfly94's diary-not your mum anymore!

[Butterfly94]

Dear diary,

Today is Day 11 of the program for me, and so far, I've lost 3.2 kilos. Thats very encouraging, considering that for 11 days of exercise and calorie-counting prior to Cohen's I would have probably lost only a meagre 0.7kgs!

I have 40 kgs to lose, and Im determined to see this to the finish line! Everytime I crave for junk, I must remind myself of the harm it has caused me.


I'm only 19, yet, I can't climb a flight of stairs without huffing and puffing and straining my knees and joints at the end of it!

I've had to give up my first love, aka, dance, after snapping a ligament in my knee due to my weight.

I've suffered from obesity-related syndromes like EDS and PCOS, which have greatly impaired my health and hence, ability to study/work.

Annnnd, I'm tired of hearing "we don't have your size" everywhere I go. I haven't been able to look, or feel like any other teen and have always been mistaken for someone much older-I was mistaken for my friend's mum when I was 12 >< Consequently, Ive just been avoiding social gatherings and stuff, professing myself to be an introvert, while my inner skinny diva screams out in protest!

So now, its time for a change. Just 2 days ago, a stranger mistook my 15-year old sister and I for being daughter and mother (respectively).

But this time, I didn't crumble. I just chuckled and thought to myself, "Soon, soon..."

[Odette79]

Welcome butterfly. Just keep reminding yourself of why you want to do this and you'll loose those kilos before you know it!

[mcbowen14]

Hi Butterly

Big congrats on loosing 3.2kgs - thats an amazing result! Since we're pretty close in start dates maybe we could be buddies to keep each other on track?

Looking forward to seeing your progress and some shrinking pics!

Lauren

[Butterflywings]

From one Butterfly to another....welcome to your transformation to an amazing YOU... I've lost 40kgs so far - it's taken a while, but it hasn't been the massive struggle many might imagine. Have another 20 to go before i'll be the same size I was in high school.... so so many years ago.

You're off to a great start!!! keep it up

[Butterfly94]

Thanks so much for the encouragement Odette, Lauren and butterflywings (butterfly power, yeah! ) !

And Lauren, that's a great idea, I'd love to team up to help both of us keep on track! You can PM me anytime as well

[lil_doll]

Hey bf!!

It won't take you very long to lose this weight!! You're super young, so I reckon your body will love shedding the weight!!

Can I ask you one teeeeeeeeeny tiny favour?! I can't read your posts with that gif in your sig! It makes me dizzy and I can't concentrate on your words. Would you consider removing it? I thought it was just a once off, but notice now it's in your actual signature- I don't know if I can handle it! I'm so sorry to be a pest... It's a lovely sentiment and I fully agree with it! haha, but perhaps you could just post it once in your diary?

[Butterfly94]

Okay removed! haha lol I didn't know it was that bothersome, thanks for the feedback lil_doll!

[Butterfly94]

Lost another 1.1kgs! Ughh yes I admit it...I couldn't resist the temptation to weigh myself today, even though I know I shouldn't be weighing myself daily...

Im not able to drink anywhere close to 3 liters to water At most, Im able to drink only about 1.8 to 2liters. I suppose that's an improvement from drinking like, 800ml of water a day...but I have to try and make this a habit so that taking sips from my bottle becomes a reflex rather than a conscious action.

I suppose practice makes perfect!

[mcbowen14]

Woot Woot!!! Congrats on 1.1 bf - way to go!!

[Butterfly94]

Thanks so much Lauren!! But oh my, today was so bad, I felt so miserable...

First thing, I weigh myself in the morning, and the scales show that Ive gone up by 300g from yesterday! >< Ahhh...now I understand why they warn you against obsessing over the scales. Ive stuck to the EP 100% and its horrible to see the weight go up inspite of that...

And my past few meals have been turning out horrible >< I sometimes get carried away thinking Im on Masterchef, and complicate cooking and in the end I have this unpalatable goop >< Most of my water intake has been used to wash down the "food"...ughh!

Some lessons for me to learn:

#1- Tofu and celery is a HIDEOUS combination
#2-Paneer and chilli-garlic is another hideous combo
#3-Seafood soup or other watery stir-fries taste ridiculous the next day-such things must be consumed while super hot
#4-Stick to cold salads or dry foods when packing a meal to eat outside
#5-The taste of seafood with minimal seasoning is far too overwhelming for my South Asian palate, which is used to consuming seafood that has been DOUSED with spices and masalas
#6-Imma just stick to chicken, toasted tofu and cheese for now. No more experimenting with food for now. I did that today and my food tasted so bad that I just ate the protein part of it and did away with the veggies. I think that's going to mess up my weight-loss real bad. I don't want to experiment at the expense of the weight-loss.

I used to think that sticking to the same types of food would become boring eventually but now I realise that its easier to motivate yourself to eat boring (but decent -tasting food) than to do it for unpalatable, gross food!

Ahhh, learning my lessons the hard way!

[ridemum]

Welcome to the program Buterfly94! Congratulations on your weight loss so far.

Cohen friendly food doesn't have to be boring (although I would NEVER have thought to put tofu & celery together)! There is a lady on here who used to be a chef. Her facebook page is here:

https://www.facebook.com/pages/COHEN...734461?fref=ts

She has developed a range of dishes that are all Cohen friendly. She is from the Philippines, so the food may appeal to your South Asian palate.

[Butterfly94]

Thanks Ridemum! That webpage will definitely come in handy for me...thanks for the link!

[Butterfly94]

So today marks the end of Week 2 on Cohen's EP for me: As of today, my weight is 92.1 kg...

So thats 4.5kg lost in 2 weeks. I'm not sure if its considered slow by Cohen's standards, but as long as its going down and not up, Im happy...Slowly but surely!

Some goals for the following week:
-Take my multivitamins and fish oil EVERYDAY
-Drink 3 litres of water EVERYDAY
-Finish eating before 9pm
-Eat every single morsel of my meals up, whether it tastes good or bad

[ridemum]

That's a fantastic loss for 2 weeks! I'd be happy with that!

They are great goals for the week. I think that's the key, having mini goals.

[lil_doll]

Hey bf!

Thank you so much for removing that gif... Hope I didn't offend you. I was probably the only one affected. Thank you though

Oh I eat the same foods all the time! haha. I find it easiest to just stick with what I know and just to keep it simple. I've had a few disasters in my time! haha.

GREAT LOSS!!!

[mcbowen14]

Congrats on the losses and passing the 2 week mark Bf! Hope that week 3 is good to you

[Butterfly94]

Thanks everyone! And lil_doll, no worries, I was in fact glad you informed me!

Today is Day 2 of Week 3! I finally got my hands on low-fat mayo! Yay! Its the one from Heinz, and it tastes almost as good as the original one (in fact, I checked the label one more time just to make sure I hadn't bought the wrong one).

I checked the weighing scale this morning and I was suddenly 700g lighter! Now where did THAT go to?? :P

[Butterfly94]

Almost the end of week 3 of the diet for me. Hmph.

I can't stand just how nitpicky mom is about this diet. Every small mistake I make, she totally blows it out of proportion by being so bloody paranoid. Its not even like I went and binged on a KFC burger. Its trivial stuff like eating 10mins after 9pm or sleeping late or drinking fresh apple juice, which is allowed on the diet. She goes totally badass on the salt and seasonings but overeacts for trivial stuff that I do. stuff that I promise ill get right soon. Its only been THREE weeks, for Christ's sake. I don't understand why she thinks she has to police me and threaten me like threatening a five-year old to take his candy away if he doesn't do his homework. WTF? "If you eat after 9pm, you'll not lose weight.". "Ah that's it. you slept late. You're not going to lose weight"...you know what I mean? Some people are driven by fear/anxiety. Some are driven by encouragement and progress. I belong to the latter.

Telling me that Ive screwed my weight loss up just makes me more depressed and demoralised and more likely to deviate!!! That's exactly what my mum is doing to me. Not helping!!

Its already hard enough trying to resist all the sinful food around, WHILE cooking my own meals and sticking to the plan AND doing my normal daily work. I don't need to hear such demoralising statements on top of all this sh*t im going through. She makes me feel like im not putting in any effort at all! I really wish she'd trust that I am responsible enough to see this to the end and be diligent in following this plan, instead of treating me like a baby. Its bloody overbearing. I really wish that she'd trust that I know what I'm doing. After all, its MY own money that Ive put into this. I wish I'd get some recognition and appreciation for this independence but hey, no way, my mum just took the credit for my participation in this program. One day she was like "I'm glad I'm doing this for you"...and Im just like WTF??? YOU doing this for ME? Its ME doing this for ME!! I was really proud of myself for putting in some hard work, balancing studies and work and saving up responsibly so that I could go on Cohen's.

But I just got that taken away from me.

No recognition/appreciation for doing this on my own. No trust that I'm responsible enough to follow the EP %.

I don't just want the weight loss, I also want my family to be proud of me for doing this on my own. But I bet that's not going to happen anymore since they've decided im incapable of doing it and that they have to police me all the way through. In the end, THEY are going to give themselves the credit for "coaxing" me through the journey, when I was the one who put in all the sweat and blood.

Its just so hard when your family members are not supportive. (or supportive in an un-supportive way-i.e. tough love).

[Butterflywings]

Dear Butterfly,

My heart goes out to you. I have read in many posts here about people who are battling with family who are not supportive, and down right nasty of their efforts on Cohens. I am fortunate and have never had anything but support from my family, my BF and most of my friends. The ones who don't, are usually the ones who are threatened by what I am doing. What we are all doing, is taking charge and ownership of our lives. We have chosen the area of our weight to do so, but what we are really doing is announcing to the world (without us knowing) that we are strong, determined and willing to make a change in our lives. What this can do is make people around us question what it is in their lives they wish they had the determination and strength to tackle to change. And for some....this makes them uncomfortable, feel bad about themselves and they react by lashing out on us. It's something they often don't know they are doing (some nasty people do though), and you wouldn't be able to explain it to them..as it requires a lot of self awareness and understanding of human nature to be able to pick up.

I see I've rambled on ...but hopefully you get the point from this. You are doing an amazing thing for yourself. You have made a commitment to change, taken the steps to investigate what and how you want to do this, (weight loss & Cohens), you have invested financially, emotionally to make this change, and even though you would expect everyone around you to support you in this....there may be times when they won't or can't. Never let this stop you from reaching your goal to become a healthier happier person. In the long run they will see the amazing achievements and will admire you for them, even if they can't tell you. You may prompt others to feel that they have the strength to make equally big changes in their lives... and that will be testament to you.

Keep it up, you are doing fine. Block out the "silly comments" from those around you, if you make a small mistake here or there, it won't be as detrimental as you fear, move on with the plan, try to do better the next day and have faith that you CAN do this!!!

[JayCee]

94 sounds like you needed to get that off your chest, and I hope talking about it helped. It is tough to go through this journey without recognition; all through my 11 mth journey my husband never said a word, and still hasn't. Never commented if I wore a nice outfit. Nothing. It is a huge kick in the guts that's for sure, and to be honest I expected more after 25 years of marriage. But two things I learned: the first is that with expectation comes disappointment. Harsh I know, but I now like to have hubby notice but I no longer expect it. Thing is 94 they probably are proud of you but don't know how to express it. Second thing I learned is that there is only really one person who matters and that's you. You are doing this for yourself. You are worth the effort. You need to be happy with your decisions. Oh I could go on but I think you get the message.

And one last thing ... this forum is the best place for you to be. No judgments. Support 24/7 thanks to our international mates.

Keep taking day at a time. Week at a time. Be proud of yourself!!