The curious case of Butterfly94

[Butterfly94]

On the morning of Day 3 on refeed, I weighed myself only to discover that I had gained another 900g overnight! That meant I had gained a total of 1.3kgs over 2 days on refeed!

That set off alarm bells ringing in my head. Something certainly wasn't right.

You see, about 2 weeks prior to starting refeed, I had had a nasty deviation. So, my consultant told me that in order for my refeed to be effective, I had to be deviation free for at least 2 weeks.

Hence, I spent the next 2 weeks braving the hunger and sticking to the eating plan. I was told that I could have an extra fruit and 2 extra crackers if I became too hungry, so that I would not deviate.

So for EVERY DAY of those 2 weeks leading up to refeed, I allowed myself to have an extra fruit and 2 extra crackers so that I had enough energy to tide myself over schoolwork and everything else.

I stuck 100% to every other aspect of the EP and had absolutely no forbidden food.

So when I finally jumped onto refeed after those two weeks, and gained 1.3kg over just 2 days, I was mortified.

I immediately called my consultant for help. She told me that having the 1 extra fruit and 2 extra crackers everyday were in fact deviations.

So...for EVERY DAY of those two weeks that I THOUGHT I was being clean and 100% on EP, I was in fact deviating!

My consultant told me to go back 100% on the EP for another 3 weeks, and then try the refeed again.

My heart just sunk. I thought I had braved the hunger (which had become extreme and absolutely energy-sapping by then) for good, and was so happy with the little bit of extra but healthy food I was being allowed on refeed.

Now I have to go back to the original plan, which also means I have to go back to the extreme hunger, back to the mood swings, back to being irritable around family, and back to lacking energy to pull through the day!

It really scares me. I cannot explain how overwhelmed I am right now.

You see, Im not eager to complete the program so that I can go back to eating all the junk I was eating before. That defeats the purpose of going on Cohens in the first place. I am DONE with eating all that junk. The numerous binge/deviation sessions that I have had during my time on this program have taught me that I no longer enjoy those foods. Cohens has taught me to love clean, fresh foods and that is something that will stay with me for life.

However, I AM eager to finish this last leg of the program for one very simple reason-I'm hungry!

It sounds so trivial, but I really cannot explain how hard it is to be hungry AND have to go about daily tasks as per normal. I crave for everything in my way, not because I want to go back to eating junk, but because I am just hungry. SO hungry I could eat a table.

I always find myself at either one of these extremes: The Cohen's side of the spectrum where I'm starving OR the deviation side where I stuff my face with so much of junk that I feel sick beyond description.

I want to complete this program so that I can finally live the healthy middle ground between these two extremes: Having cohen-friendly foods but in larger quantities that will allow me to feel satisfied.

Well, well, no matter how much I rant here, the reality at the end of the day is this-I HAVE to go back on plan for another 3 weeks and brave whatever that comes along. NO extra fruit. NO extra crackers. 100% on plan.

And I don't know if Im being ambitious, but Im actually contemplating going back 100% on plan for 4 to 6 weeks instead of 3. If my hormones/balance set by the program is now out of whack/in a mess because of all these deviations, I want to be on the eating plan long enough to bring everything back under control again, to set the hormonal balance again and hence give my body the best chance at having a smooth refeed.

I am taking a 2-day hiatus (read: 2 days of deviations) from this whole program to collect myself and prepare myself for the many weeks of hungries ahead.

I would really appreciate any thoughts on my situation from my fellow cohenites out there.

How long is good enough to get your hormonal balance set by the program back in order after a deviation?

In what kinds of situations does refeed NOT work for you? Has anyone been in such a situation before?

I really really need your support. Its at times like these that I am so grateful to be a part of this forum.

[Ciors]

OMG!!!! I'm mortified BF! My consultant said it was NOT a deviation, she wanted me to hold off refeed until after Christmas, which would have been about 4 weeks, and said that I'd be allowed to have extra protein, veg etc and that it would be fine to start refeed after that....I didn't do it. I cannot believe that that has mucked up your refeed, and it's quite disgraceful that they did not advise you properly in regard to that. Possibly the only consolation is that as you've had a bit of extra food that you may not be as hungry as you were....hopefully. Hugs to you. You will need to do the two weeks in order to be ready for refeed...when are you going to do your two weeks?

My consultant out me back on my plan as my body weight didn't settle after refeed, I went quite low, ended up sick, deviating due to meds, cepacol for my throat etc, it was a huge struggle to get through it, took over two months to get it right.

Don't skip refeed, it really is vital, this is going to be tough, but worth it! Hang in there

[Winterboots]

How devastating Butterfly - I can't imagine how you must feel as reaching refeed was the ultimate goal for me - more so than maintenance. Did your consultant explain why she gave you the wrong advice?

While three weeks is three weeks, they say refeed is very important and it seems that many that come back for round two of Cohens never got to/did refeed.

If you must deviate over the next two days, then do it with extra Cohen's food as it will only make it harder to get back into the zone. If you don't deviate, then you will be two days closer to maintenance .

Wishing you smooth sailings back on to EP
WB

[SallyG]

Hi BF94! As someone who has never completed refers I'm not the best to give advice... But I know first-hand these 'hangries' you're experiencing!!! (Hungry, grumpy, exhausted, etc...) Anywho - this might be a ridiculous question but i thought worth asking - when you started your refeed, did you drop off the extra crackers/fruit the consultant was allowing you? Or did you include them, and build up from there? I know why you feel 4-6 to 'reset' your hormones seems like a good idea as I too have had that mind frame, but when you're already getting as hungry as you, and you are as CLOSE to goal weight as you are, from my experience it is not possible to lady this long without falling off the rails completely, and then having to start the process over.. And over.. And over.. Again. How stable was your weight when you add the extra portions your clinic allowed? My (humble, untested and unprofessional) advise would be to go back on plan for 2-5 days (without the extra portions you were originally informed you could have), until you shift the regained weight, the commence refeed - tentatively, and repeating a day when you see an increase.

Sorry for the rambles!! Hope this all makes sense. Thinking of you and can definitely relate, so please don't ever think you're alone in this journey - we're with you!!! xx

[SallyG]

Ok lots of typeos there haha but let me amend these two *refeed not refers, and *last not lady - darn autocorrect!

[Ciors]

lmfo SallyG, using an apple product are we? I find it makes the most ridiculous substitutions!

[Butterflywings]

Hi BF,
I haven't got to refeed and didn't on my first attempt, so I have no advise to give you. Can really understand how upset and frustrated you must be through all this. I'll be following your diary to see how it goes, and wishing you lots of strength through the "hungry grumpies". If I was to have an opinion, I think SallyG has some valid points to consider. Hunger vs Timeframe.

I'll be cheering for you.

[Relles]

I'm adding my 2c worth as well but not without saying..
Aarrrrgghh!!!!!! Totally get the devastation. WTH.
Agree with SallyG and Ciors re the time frame, being able to last that long and not getting on some horrible hamster wheel of deviation before refeed.

Chin up and Hugs.

About the auto correct stuff I text my children with my new mobile.. "please put a diet coke in the freezer for me"
And it sent them "please put aborigine in the freezer for me" now I ask you???? What? Really??
Kids were most puzzled/alarmed/amused.

[SallyG]

Relles! I proper laughed out loud at that haha 😂

And yep Ciors, spot on! Silly apple, I'm sure they do it purely for entertainment value!!

[Ciors]

OMG Relles! That's a beauty! Just as well it was only to family or you'd be up for a racist rant lol

Sally, when I first got my iPad, I had people totally confused with my comments, I have learnt to really reread when I'm using to! Totally ridiculous some of the substitutions!

[Butterfly94]

Thanks for all your wonderful replies-Ciors, Winterboots, SallyG, Butterflywings and Relles!

I can't explain enough how much I cherish being able to have this community to come back to, especially during a trying period like this. I really appreciate all of your input so much.

I don't know if its just me imagining things, but sometimes it feels a bit like my clinic is withholding info from me. Like at first, they told me to go back on plan for just one week and retry refeed, much like what SallyG suggested. Then when I told them I was contemplating doing 3-4 weeks of the EP to get everything back in balance, they told me that would be a better option, and that 3 weeks was sufficient. If 3 weeks really was better than 1 week, then I wonder why they waited for me to suggest that instead of telling me that in the first place.

In any case, I'd like to think that they had my best interests in mind when they suggested 1 week instead of the optimal 3 weeks, very much like what you suggested SallyG! I totally agree with you that 4 to 6 weeks may be too ambitious, given the kind of hunger that we experience!

Since I've had a LOT of extra food to eat this week (The 2 days of refeed, and the 3-day hiatus I've taken, during which I've been eating pretty much anything I please...what a bad example I'm setting!), I can say that I have not been hungry at all this week. In fact, after my 3-day hiatus, I feel so full and sick that I'm itching to go back on plan.

So because I'm on a full tummy now, 4-6 weeks on EP seems like a good idea, but as everyone has pointed out, I may have second thoughts once the hungries set in!

I guess what I'll do now, is to first get rid of all the extra weight I've put on this week!

2 days of refeed+ 3 days of hiatus/binging/deviations= a whopping 5 kilos of weight that I have gained over 5 days! So not proud to admit it!

I have reset my ticker, and I will first focus on getting rid of this extra weight (which I hope is just water retention! Not sure if im imagining it, but somehow, it really shows on the body!).

I had some free time on my hands this afternoon, and spent it preparing my meals for the next 9 days, starting tomorrow! I cooked and froze a total of 18 meals this afternoon-lunches and dinners for each of the 9 days...so I'm covered for the next 9 days!

After these 9 days, I'll see where to go from there, depending on what the situation is! Thanks for all your support and best wishes-I'm really gonna need them!

[Butterfly94]

Relles-You totally cracked me up with your autocorrect incident!! Tell me about it-autocorrect makes some of the weirdest corrections ever! How on earth is "diet coke" even connected to the word "aborigines"...SallyG is right-these gadget makers might be doing it intentionally just to get a laugh out of it...technology and all its wonders (or should I say, woes?)!

[Ciors]

BF, my consultant and I know of others, have said two weeks after a deviation sets you straight. Just remember that you haven't gained 5kg of fat, it is mostly water. There really have been a few odd times where consultants have said strange things and it can get insanely frustrating. I think sometimes they put their own personal experiences forward, but you are paying them, if your not happy, let them know.

Two weeks, get through two weeks and see where your at.

[Butterfly94]

Yes Ciors, you have a point! Two weeks begin from today!