heidimama's Diary

[Heidimama]

Hi there!

I've been lurking here for years, always finding an excuse not to bite the bullet and sign up for my own program. Well, I finally did, and it has just arrived and I will be starting Day 1 tomorrow.

I live in Japan so I am doing this by Internet and I look forward to the mutual support this forum provides.

A little background: At my heaviest, I was 92+ kilos. I was too ashamed to know how high my weight got. In 2014, I lost about 8 kilos by cutting carbs and booze. In 2015, I lost about 15 kilos by cutting portions, eliminating sugar and tracking my steps (at leat 10K a day) for about 8 months. I have since resumed eating sugar and carbs ( why?????) and of course, I have gained 5 of those kilos back.

I think the discipline of the plan will help me with the focus I need to get to a comfortable weight. I was aiming for 62kg, but Dr Cohen has recommended 57-59 kg. I haven't been 57 kg since 1998!! We'll see.

Thanks for reading.

[blondetastic]

Hello Heidi. Great to read about you. You asked the eternal question - Why?? I am finding the key to success for me is being able to answer that. It isn't easy but give yourself enough time and attention and you will get the answer. 62 is my goal too. Good luck. Looking forward to reading all about your success!!

[Heidimama]

Blondetastic, thank you sooooo much for stopping by with support. I have read your inspiring diary and won't be shy about commenting anymore.



I got a message from my Internet consultant this morning. I asked her about whether my vitamins/supplements are allowed so I hope to hear from her soon.

Day one, two meals down.

B: yogurt & kiwi
S: orange (after the gym)
L: steak & mushrooms with baby greens and tomatoes


I am so used to eating A LOT during the day, having a very full stomach and losing my appetite by 6:00pm. I often have large quantities of nuts & chocolate instead of a proper meal. (Madness).

Grocery shopping this morning was interesting - I wasn't really tempted by anything, just aware that what I need is in the periphery of the supermarket. I have no business in the aisles at all.

I can't find spray cans of oil here, but I should probably be able to find some on Amazon. I did my steak and mushrooms in a dry non-stick pan. Not using oil will probably take the most getting used to, as I normally like sautéing onions and garlic in fat as a flavor base for most dishes. But I see that cooking without oil is possible and quite tasty, especially if I use onion powder and garlic powder.

I won't be having the crackers as they are a total binge food for me. Better to just stay away.

I am going to try to figure out my ticker, but for now:

Starting Weight 74.4 kg
Goal Weight 59 kg

First goal: 69 kg

I will be back after dinner. Catch you later.

[Heidimama]

Ticker test post and, oh, I'm not really hungry!

[Heidimama]

I had a snack at around 4pm and dinner at 7:30pm.

S: orange
D: steamed fish, spinach, mushrooms, tomato

I won't lie, I am missing my usual snacks, but I am trying to explore the feelings behind those desires, as this has to be a lifestyle change, not just a diet. I had a bit of a disappointment this afternoon (with something I ordered, not plan-related) but I will journal about it and talk about it instead of eating over it. I am having rooibos tea as I type this and really am satisfied. My "hunger" is not physical.

I'll run to the store to get fruit and enoki mushrooms and then organize my portions for tomorrow.

[Heidimama]

Day 2
Long Day

B grilled chicken, steamed spinach and maitake mushrooms, tomato and orange
L fish, tomato, enoki mushrooms, onions and apple
S orange
I had a busy day - had late breakfast and lunch so I need to have dinner at 9:30 pm. Oh well. Not too long now.
Watching Better Call Saul.


D yogurt

Gap between breakfast and lunch was very long, but I was busy so I couldnt really obsess about food. Didn't remember my vitamins until after lunch, but better late than never.

All my life I had low to normal blood pressure, but when I was abusing alcohol, food and cigarettes, it shot up with every kilo. It is much better now that I have cut out the booze and cigs and lost some of the weight, but still higher than it should be. That is motivating me to stick to the plan. I 've read such good things about BP reduction in others' diaries and look forward to no longer being afraid to have mine checked.

I'm grateful for the good good we get to enjoy on this plan.

[Heidimama]

Forgot to say, down 800g this morning! Don't know if I will weigh daily, but felt like checking this morning.

[Heidimama]

Day 3

Easier today.

B fried egg and enok mushroomsi, apple
L beef and spinach, onion and maitake mushrooms, orange
D soup- chicken, shimeji mushrooms, komatsuna greens, onion, orange

I enjoyed my breakfast a lot! Nice change from the yogurt. How I wish I could have an egg for M2 or M3! I got 12,000+ steps in today, running errands and just going here and there. That said, had less energy than usual and my head felt quite foggy this morning. I went to a friend's house this evening and relaxed with a cup of tea, even though it was dinner time. Was not really hungry even though I hadn't eaten in 7 hours, which amazes me! Of course I ate when I got home and will now have to be up for another couple of hours. I have to try to eat earlier so I can get to sleep earlier.

I happened upon a belly fat video today and it is nothing I haven't heard before, but to see a 3D image of the fat surrounding the organs!!! it would be easy for me to give up at this stage (and it has been!!) cause I look fine in clothes, but I know what is going on underneath and with my BP.

I have my moments when I think about eating crap, but this program is keeping me more mindful of what I put in my body. I have had enough junk for three lifetimes, really. I am learning to talk about (or write about) my feelings instead of just stuffing them down with food.

Oh! I was given a box of cookies today! I have to regift them in the morning as I do not need that temptation hanging around here.

I also have work events coming up in April (including an overnight trip) where I am expected to eat with everyone. I will have to figure that out, but for now, I need to take it one day at a time, staying in the now.

Night, night.

ETA: Forgot to say I had a great BM this morning. I hadn't had one in two days, which is not normal for me. Grateful.
And I didn't weigh myself this morning. I don't want to get obsessed with the scales. My thighs feel smaller, though.

[Jay's Wife]

Hi Heidimama - i am trying to find people that have just started like me and partner with them on this change. I am such an obsessive weigher - I weigh every morning. I know its wrong but I just need to know.

Holding thumbs for you.

[Heidimama]

Thanks for stopping by, Jay's Wife. I saw your omelet in your album and it looks really good! It's much more fun doing this with others, so, yes, I would love to be one of your Cohen buddies! I am off to find your diary. We can do this!

[Heidimama]

Day 4

I really need to be here this morning. I feel very tired after a restless night. My allergies are driving me nuts - perhaps I need to look into some meds, but I was just hoping to tough it out for the next week or so of this pollen peak.

I've had breakfast,

B fried egg with enoki and shimeji , apple

but I feel like I could binge for days. I won't , but that is what I often turn to when feeling any kind of physical unpleasantness. Instead, I will give myself a couple of hours on the sofa, do some pretend online shopping (fill my cart with pretty things but not actually buy anything) watch TV, read, and update my brackets.

I weighed myself this AM too and that was not the best move. I want to large first week losses that I see others recording even though I know it is silly to expect that with the amount of weight I have to lose. So I will update my ticker, be grateful, and stay away from the scales. I am down 400 grams since Day 2, 1.2 kg in 3 days is heading in the right direction. I'm much better off than I was 3 days ago.

Later.

[blondetastic]

Heidimama, I weigh every day. Some days no loss some days 200g some days 800. I average 1.6 or up over a week. Thats pretty awesome. On the days there is no change on the scale I don't get hung up over it. I can still see physical changes. It all evens out over 7 days.

You are doing really well, 1.2kgs in 3 days is great. Yes you are better off from 3 days ago!! Keep staying determined and positive.

[Donzie]

Heidimama,

Welcome, I have only just found your diary. Sounds like your off to a good first week. So much to think about in those early weeks, establishing a new routine, weighing everything, popping vitamins, getting the water down. I also weigh most days (not every day), but I think we all know the scales only tell part of the story. Enjoy your journey I have a feeling it's going to be a short one for you. Take Care X

[Heidimama]

Thanks so much blondetastic. The encouragement and your sharing your experience mean a lot to me.

I'm feeling much better now, and the kitchen is closed for the evening.

L beef-komatsuna-enoki-onion soup, orange
S crackers
D mozzarella cheese, mushrooms, tomatoes, crackers, grapefruit

I needed the crackers today. Even though they are a food I have binged on in the past, I don't have to. And I didn't today.

I will be able to go to sleep by 9:30 tonight which is wonderful.

And I will be able to take a bath! The last couple of nights I have had to shower as I had laser treatments on my underarms and the doc recommends showers only after treatment. I love my nightly baths and trust I will be able to sleep better tonight.

I read of people sleeping better while on plan - I can't wait for that to happen to me!

I went for a shortish walk today (about 5K steps) and that was enough for me. I have reread my plan and trust that now that Day 4 is over that things will get better.

Glad to have this forum here and to follow others' journeys. Night night.

[Heidimama]

Hi Donzie! Thank you for stopping by. Your name and journey are familiar and inspiring to me. I feel very shy about commenting as a newcomer in others' diaries, but I need to get over that. If I love getting support, I am sure others feel the same way.

You're right, the scales don't tell the whole story. There is so much more to this journey and you're very wise to recommend enjoying the experience. I tend to "future trip" but it is better to stay present.

[Heidimama]

Day 5 already!

I can see that sometimes time will seem to fly and it will draaaaaaggggg at others.

Feeling much better than yesterday morning even though I had to get up for a 7AM Skype meeting.

B: yogurt, apple cinnamon
S: crackers
L: beef-komatsuna-oyster mushroom-onion soup, crackers, orange

Very satisfying lunch. I forgot how much flavor oyster mushrooms add. And I seem to be fine with not eating more than my allowance of crackers. Will keep an eye on that. They are delicious!

Reading lots of older diaries to keep inspired. I need to immerse myself in this world to keep my focus and learn from others' experiences.

Nothing social planned for this weekend. I have to do some research for work over the next few days. I will confess, my crazy mind is saying: "Maybe you should give yourself a break. This research is going to take lots of concentration. You need more calories". And yet I KNOW that is absolute rubbish. I have eaten more vegetables and protein (proper food) in the last 5 days than I did in the previous 4 weeks!!! Yeah, I have been a little foggy with allergies and blood sugar adjusting to not having a steady stream of chocolate and nuts, but I am sooooooo much better off.

And my mind is much clearer today.

It was really sobering to read about the sad death of Malik from A Tribe Called Quest from diabetes complications. Even though he was aware he had the disease, he said that he was addicted to sugar, that for him it was a real addiction. It cost him everything. And I totally get it. Some of us really can't handle it and we need to stay vigilant.

I weighed this AM and am down another 400g, which brings me to 1.6 kg gone in 4 days. Grateful! Getting closer to a normal BMI.

I'll post again after dinner.

[Heidimama]

Feeling good

S crackers, orange
D fish steamed with asparagus, cabbage, tomatoes, enoki and thyme

I went for a walk before dinner and really wasn't hungry at all, but took my 'medicine' as prescribed. And it was tasty and light.

Some things I've noticed:

Beef keeps me satisfied longer than other meals.

I feel more at peace on this plan (because of the serotonin levels??).

I probably should have my meal 1 at night since I have less of an appetite then.

Going to take a bath and go to bed pretty soon.

Nighty night.

[Heidimama]

Day 6

No change in weight from yesterday. I am trusting the process, even though I don't see any change in my body or the fit of my "weight gauge jeans".

I woke up later than usual, which pushes my eating schedule back- grrr. I didn't remember to have meal 3 for breakfast -double grrr. Oh well, I've just had a tasty dinner and can go to sleep in a couple of hours.

Feeling pretty positive still.

B egg, enoki, onion, orange, crackers
L Beef, shimeji, cabbage, apple, crackers
D mozzarella, cabbage, oyster mushrooms, onion, orange, crackers

My meals are very filling (I am having the biggest protein portions) and I am not having cravings or feeling hungry. I look forward to the crackers now. I am trying not to snack.

Loved reading old diaries today.

Allergies are still pretty annoying. I keep thinking it would be nice to be doing this in the summer, but really, this summer I will be more comfortable, with no chafing thighs, and able to stand the heat better.

I am trying to picture myself at goal and having a really hard time of it, to be honest. I do have an actual photo of me at about 57 kg, but that was 18 years ago. Visualization exercises would be helpful, especially since I am reading about Cohenites still feeling fat at goal and the Inner Fat Chick (IFC) sabotaging their success.

One day at a time, one meal at a time. G'night and happy losing, everyone.

Forgot to say: It dawned on me this afternoon that last week at this time I was binging on ice cream, Snickers, peanuts, and macaroni and cheese. How much happier must my body be today.

[Heidimama]

Day 7

Good day. No change in weight, but had a BM this morning, so... Tomorrow? And I tried on a dress I ordered in a US6 at the end of last year and it was easier to zip up, so I feel like my top is getting smaller. My shoulders look leaner too. I think I will put my gym membership on hold as I was looking fat and muscular with the weight training. Not a good look. I haven't been back to the gym since Day 1 of the plan. I have been taking walks - that is what I have the energy for. We'll see. I won't be able to wear the new dress for a while, but heading in the right direction. I feel a little slimmer even if the scale hasn't moved in 2 days. Trying hard not to compare myself to others. Every body, every Cohen journey is unique.

B yogurt

and back to bed -I was tired (detox? allergies?)

S apple
L beef cabbage mushroom onion stir fry, orange
S apple, crackers
D grilled chicken, komatsuna, cauliflower and shimeji stir-fry, crackers

Going to take a bath and get to bed by 9:30. I need to have dinner by 5:00 tomorrow as I plan to attend a lecture tomorrow evening. That means breakfast before 7.

One meal at a time. Wishing everyone good meals and good habits.

[Heidimama]

Day 8

Hungry! I don't know what's going on, but I am really hungry today. It is only 4pm but I have already had all my fruit and crackers. Walking around the supermarket was rough as I was having all kinds of thoughts, going to all kinds of places. I didn't buy anything - I came home and had my fruit and crackers. I think I have some chromium in the cupboard - might have to take one.

Weight is down only 200g today, but I think I see my waist getting smaller. I don't feel that charming tummy jiggle when I walk. I tried on a dress I got for this summer and it zips up easier and falls better than it did two weeks ago.

Up until yesterday I had been taking Amino Sports Complete. I asked my online consultant about all the supplements I was taking and she said they were all fine. now I really don't think she looked at them at all. Which is annoying, but also lets me know that I will probably find more help in the archives here than from her. Because those amino acids are made from soy and milk. So perhaps I was unintentionally deviating? Maybe the scales will pick up now that I am not having it?

I am fine with slow and steady, but I would really prefer faster.

This Friday and Saturday I have work events where I will probably need to eat a set meal. Should I eat my Cohen beforehand and just push the food around on my plate? The food will be Japanese, so even the vegetables will be in prohibited sauces. Not going to stress about it. Will do my best.

Later.