NEED HELP - to stay deviation free

[cobie_lee]

Hi everyone..

I have been on cohens since 1st may 09, and have lost 48kgs so far, and my weight loss has been stop start cuz of all the deviations i have had (and it has been AOT, and I still need to lose another 58 to be at the top end of goal).. I wanna hopefully finish by july/august so i can order my wedding dress.

I have read back on the bus, set myself smaller goals so i reach them quicker, but really i cant get my mind set out of the "i really dont F@#*ing care if i am fat anymore. I cant do it anymore"... i wanted to lose the weight to look beautiful in the wedding dress, and to try for another bub after i am finished cohens, but my problem is NONE OF THIS IS MOTIVATING ME ANYMORE... I cant seem to stay on track, and really its more of i dont want to, but know i want to finish cohens,(FH suggested i take a break then re-start a bit later) cuz if i stop then i have to pay the full fee again to restart, and we dont have that money..

I dont know what to do to motivate myself..

[Melissa]

Hi Cobie_Lee,

I'm like you in that I do then I don't and then I do again however my biggest motivator is that when I did Cohens in 2007, I was wearing size 8's and 10's. Wow you say... MMM... I say because I was still 15kg above my Cohens goal and I was asked by my DR to stop loosing weight because she was concerned with bone density loss if I lost any more.

That and the fact that my losses had slowed to next to nothing and I wasn't getting anywhere fast. I was happy where I had got to my clinic had also closed and I didn't want to have to sign up further afield with new people so I decided to bite the bullet and stop.

I had a garage sale and sold all of my big clothes and started fresh. Nothing in my wardrobe is above a size 12 and I never want it to be. I'm here this morning because I have allowed myself to gain weight over the past few months and now I am determined to see it gone and it can go as quickly as it wants I wont miss it.

I will help you if you want a buddy and we can manage our demons together. I'm not sure what it is you need but I need to get back to feeling well and of course get into my wardrobe and at the moment that isn't possible.

Would you like to tell me more about you and your thoughts on this. If not I wish you all the best.

Melissa

[cobie_lee]

Hi melissa,

im 22, 23 in april... Pretty much when i started i was 176kgs, now sitting about 130kgs (dont wanna change my ticker 2 see it go back up).. basically when i started i was full of life, and wanted to do this to change myself, to make me better. about 4mths in is when this all started. first my son go very sick, a few times, and was in hospital a few times, then i got sick with gallstones running loose around my body, then my father in law got sick (cancer), and basically that cycle kept going, and so far it hasnt stopped.

I started to get dizzy, (between 4-6 times a day, for about 15-40mins each time) and really bad headaches, so i was sent for a CT scan, had bloods done, and an ECG..

My mind has kinda gone into a state of I dont wanna do this anymore, and i cant find anything to kick its butt and say FINISH what u started..

I have a fiance, Rob, and we are getting married in October this year, and I have a nearly 2yr old Oliver. I wanted to do this to lose the weight to be a beautiful slim bride (as the last time i was slim and in a good BMI i think i was 7 or and so we could try for another baby, and for me to not be high risk, because of my weight..

Dont get me wrong i am very proud of the weight i have lost, its just i still have what ive lost plus 10kgs to go before i am at goal.. I really hate myself for letting myself get that big.. And sometimes i avoid reading other peoples diaries, like people who start at 110, 120, 130, cuz to me it is a big thing to get below 100kgs, but for me i would have had to lose 76.1kgs to get to 99.9kgs..

My fiance has been very supportive, and i love him for it, but he told me the other day he is jealous of the weight i have lost cuz ive done nothing really to lose it (he is currently on a training regime, cuz he is trying 2 get into the army), and he didnt want to tell me when i was 176kgs that i was getting really fat, and he was worried, because it was my choice to do it..

I want to lose the weight. its not nice to be 22, at 176kgs, and think ur gonna die soon, so i started cohens. Now im at 130kgs roughly, and still thinkng im gonna die soon.

I am just trying to find ways to get my mind back on the cohens bandwagon..

[Melissa]

Hey Cobie_Lee,

I am reading your stats and thinking that the hardest part of your journey is over. You have proved to yourself that this can be done through thick and thin you have lost so much already. I guess the best advise I can give you is don't give up, don't look at what's left but what is achievable today. If that is re reading your program book and taking small steps then so be it. Also you have got such an awesome time ahead not only for your son but your wedding as well.

You are on the correct road and your path is a little bumpy - to say the least - but that only makes life interesting. Hardships and stuff all try us but in the end we are still here. I wish above all that I did this when my kids were growing up. Instead of piling on the weight I could have been enjoying life and being part of my kids life not watching from the side lines.

I really want to have my life back and not to be seen as that person who shank and then like most other dieting people exploded again and then some.

I am shrinking for life, no if but's or maybe's.

All I want to know now is 'Are you here just to chat or do you want what I want? I its the latter then get the 'Cobie_Lee' bus jump started because we're in for a good ride.

Melissa

[thenewvee]

Cobie-Lee!
Amass support from whatever corners you can get them!
Speak to your doctor to see if you qualify for a mental health plan and get professional help in the form of a psychologist (these are either free or heavily subsidised) and I believe you can get 6 sessions and another 6 again if you really need them.
The psych is a great resource to help you see things from a different perspective and will also help address the reasons that you eat and help you with any emotional attachments you have to eating. If they are good, they may also help you set up a plan to succeed, but it all depends on the individual.

It's a tough place you are in at the moment, so don't be afraid to get all the help you can. Starting here was a good idea, so well done!

Wishing you much strength!

Vee

[chantoozie]

Hi Cobie-Lee

I'm only pretty new to all this - and girl you inspire me! You're done great getting to where you have!

I have been a yo-yo-er for years - and always tried to make doing it for someone else or some event. This time I finally realised that if I keep trying to make it for someone or something, I'm not ever going to keep it off. This time it's for me!

I'm only at the start of my journey. I was just over 130kg last year, and dropped some doing a protein diet - and you are right - the more you have to loose, the harder it can be, but that doesn't mean any of our demons are different. I don't have all the answers, but I intend to find them...and on the way I hope to find myself too.

I really hope you can find you're reason to keep going. I think from reading your posts you know it's the best thing you can do for you. You just need to muster that inner strength.

I'm here to support you if you need. I'll be around for a long time yet!

Take care
Chan

[jlou]

Hi Cobie-Lee

My understanding from what I have read on this forum is that for Cohens to work long term and be a true lifestyle change, not a 'diet' and for the people who stick to the program and afterwards maintain their weight loss, it is because they have addressed the issues about why they eat in the first place and they adjust their thinking to view food as fuel.

I don't have as much to lose as you, but I understand emotional eating and have to say that the last month being on holiday made Cohens dead easy because I didn't have the stress of work. I may face some challenges in the coming weeks!!

One of the things I think you need to get your head space into is not doing the program for a set goal/event (wedding, conception) otherwise you could end up doing what I did - ate whatever I wanted (ie: daily chocolate cake) for 9 months and then gave myself such bad habits that when I started Cohens I was back to the same weight as when I gave birth. You need to want this for reasons other than a specific event and that might be where your motivation is failing... Look back at the reasons you wrote in your folder for wanting to lose weight. Are they short term or long term/life long goals. If they are short-term, perhaps looking at it from a different perspective will help you - eg: rather than, I want to be able to conceive - I want to be able to be a great, healthy Mum who can keep up and be around for a long time for my existing child and the future child I'd love to have (or something like that..!)

A couple of suggestions:

- I agree with the suggestion above - your GP can refer you to a counsellor/psychologist - ask him/her for an Enhanced Primary Care Plan and then Medicare will fund it. That will help you get into the right headspace.

- my next suggestion is to go into the Completed Diaries section and read ASY's Diary. She is the person who started this forum. She started at 166kg and got to her goal within a year. 88kgs in 12 months. You need to see that it is possible. At least her start weight is close to where you are starting so it may help you to read a diary from someone who has been there and understands when you have a lot to lose. She once wrote that she was scared she was going to die. And she is a Mum too. Perhaps you might even send her a private message? And by the way, I have met her and she has definitely maintained her loss so it is possible.

I hope this has helped. Stay strong and you WILL get there!!!

[Kohinoor]

Hi Cobie,

I agree with the others - from SOMEWHERE, you need to find a "new perspective". I think you'd agree that Cohens has worked really well for you - or is that not right? Can you add a bit of a precis' of what does/doesn't work for you?

e.g. Would you post your "weekly losses", so that we get an idea of just how things have gone - I thought I recalled you were doing around 2Kg a week - am I close? How has it gone over time? Like, each 4 week figure.


You see, we ALL often get caught up in thinking "how much more of the journey is left". We start it as kids when our parents are taking us "somewhere" - you know it ("Are we there yet?" and "How much longer?"). It's all built in !! Now, if you have smart parents, they would distract you from the original question.... trying to "shorten the journey" by singing a song, having an "I spy" game, adding the occasional "Not much longer" comment.

And ALL geared toward "taking the kids focus off the LENGTH of the journey". I'm sure you can relate

So, for you Cobie - try focussing on the next CLOSE goal !! How quickly can you get back to ticker weight (might only be a day or two - once you start in earnest). After that, another goal NO MORE than 5Kgs away.


Also, I posted something a week or two back (might even be in your diary - sorry, I haven't checked ). In essence, it said "If you continue to have the odd break-out, then you'll be forever 'sailing into a headwind' - as the Plan depends on having you reach that "zone" so you can just ENJOY the journey (as most do) un-impeded by hunger, and your weight can drop in the best way possible for you.

Have you experienced the "zone"? I know you have had all kinds of upsets (sickness, etc. - as well as devi's - so I'm not sure). If you did, do you recall how things felt? Maybe re-read YOUR diary to draw on YOUR own thoughts, and (with luck) re-experience when things were GOOD !!!

Someone on here has a ticker that says "The journey of 1000 miles starts with one step" - and girl, you have already taken MANY HUNDREDs of steps along the path. Would you CHOOSE to turn around and walk back to where you started? It's a LONG way back (conversely, look HOW FAR you have come!!) You are NEARLY at "the point of no return" (i.e. it is shorter to go on, than to go back !!).


One other thought - that early part (probably the same for Asy, Sezi, Faithy, and many others) doesn't seem to "move" so quickly. Much of it has to be done "on faith", and just watching the tape measure and the scales showing their results. Like, it takes a lot more cms and/or Kgs to drop a clothes size when in that "high-range". But, Cobie, keep on putting one foot after the other, and you WILL reach those "Normal Sizes" - then hang onto your hat !!

Is there more to it, for you? Hmmm, I dunno - you'd need to answer that! All I can say is that you ARE succeeding !! Can you do better? I dunno that either. But you would

Cobie, maybe it is time to recommit with a twist. How about Deb's words - went something like "I am prepared to endure two weeks of discomfort" - no, I'm not recalling things right.....

But, in essence, would you be prepared to be uncomfortable for two weeks in an attempt to get back on track? I reckon you'd be singing and dancing before that time was up - but it HAS to be D-free (and that "might" be the uncomfortable bit !!). It's that "seratonin fairy" that you want on your side Go seek her out....

Hugs,

Koh

[cobie_lee]

Thank you all for the responses. I made a commitment whan i satrted cohens to see it through, it just gets a bit hard sometimes like now with the dizziness and headaches, Rob is blaming cohens and trying to get me to quit. I want to see it through. just need to boot myself in the bum so to speak and find a little reward for a month or so till im back in the zone to motivate me a bit more.. tomorrow is the day for the retaking of the first step.
I may keep falling off the wagon, but i am gonna get back up on it, everytime. I need to finish the "diet part" then refeed, and stay on the maintain train.. its one big journey that is not ending anytime soon..
I need to do this to be a healthy mum, and a healthy person...

[shuki]

hey cobie....i also am over 130 (137.4 to be exact) and the only thing i would say is i want to be around longer for my kids. I have to be there. i am the only mother they have and if i am incapacitated or dead i would be devastated for them.
so my health currently and the kids are probably my two biggest motivators

[shuki]

you so can do it....look what you have done already. Clearly you are very very capable and have the strength within you. well done on your journey so far

[Kohinoor]

Hi Cobie,

it just gets a bit hard sometimes like now with the dizziness and headaches, Rob is blaming cohens and trying to get me to quit.

I've had headaches with "too little water" - and, conversely, I read on here that dizziness can come from too much water. But, I'm sure there are a HOST of other reasons for either symptom.

Have you seen a GP re any of this? and/or checked with your clinic? There may well be a simple reason.

And, btw, I can quite relate to Rob getting a bit anxious - I think I might too.... So, do all you can to put HIS mind at ease, and it will follow that YOUR mind will be more at ease too,

Hugs,

Koh

[Shanara]

HI Cobi-Lee,

hhhhhmmmmm, hard to know what to say if staying alive to see your child (maybe children) grow up doesn't motivate you.

i dont do well with good encouragement, and now anything i try to do to help with the weight problem, i dont believe is actually going to work untill i see a drop in my weight.

I did read this in your diary. Well Cobie Lee - you've had a drop of well over 40 kgs - when are you going to start to believe in yourself.

Have a read of this:
http://newyouforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=7680

Remember that's why you are doing this. Already you are a winner!

So girlfriend - time to succeed a bit more. Perhaps now is a good time to do a list of all the reasons you are fearful of success. Hard to let go the victim stories sometimes - we don't know who we are unless we are a failure. Yet you have already proved that you can do it.

Rome was not built in a day - don't be too hard on yourself and it can take time for our heads to catch up. But do contact the clinic about the dizzyness. I think they would be able to help you with that one. How much water are you drinking a day? Important to get the balance of water right. Both too much and too little can cause the dizzyness. Are you using celtic sea salt? that can also help.

Cobie lee you can, and have, done this although I must admit to a certain happiness if you don't as there is a part of me that wants to see Koh walk backwards to Bourke in a tutu and high heels! I think pink would be particularly fetching don't you.

Notice you are in Wollongong. I have had to go down there four times in last few weeks as my son is starting at Uni down there. If you want to meet up for a coffee on one of my trips down just send me a PM.

Enjoy the journey,
Shanara

[cobie_lee]

i am back to being deviation free.. i had a talk with Rob last night and told him how i feel about him always trying to get me to quit cohens, that it feels like hes not supporting me. We had a long talk, and basically he said, well u support me with evverything i do, i'll try to be more supportive of this for u. so YAY

This morning gave me the little boost i needed, as my son came up to me when i was laying down, and gave me "uggs" (a hug)... It clicked in my head that even though i may want to give up, I CANT.. I chose to bring Oliver into the world, and to be here for him until he is grown, and even then, still be here for him.. he may only be nearly two, but i want him to have to put up with me for a very long life-time.. I want the be the fussy mum, the over-protective mum, the one who helps his future wife plan their wedding, there to babysit his children.. There to love him and support him. I want this with all my children.. I think i just needed sometime to work that out. i needed to remember why i started cohens, and it wasnt cuz of the wedding cuz we decided the date after i started.. Basically it was Oliver, and me wanting to be healthy to be around for him

Koh, I have gone 2 the drs, and been sent for scans, bloods and a ECG.. I find out the results from them on wednesday..

thank-you everyone.. I WILL DO THIS, I WILL COMPLETE THE REST OF THE DIET PART, GET TO REFEED THEN MAINTAIN AT GOAL, which i deserve to be at...

[Melissa]

Cobie_Lee, good for you for re committing and taking the next step in your journey. You are inspiring.

Take care

Melissa

[jlou]

Originally Posted by cobie_lee

It clicked in my head that even though i may want to give up, I CANT.. I chose to bring Oliver into the world, and to be here for him until he is grown, and even then, still be here for him.. he may only be nearly two, but i want him to have to put up with me for a very long life-time.. I want the be the fussy mum, the over-protective mum, the one who helps his future wife plan their wedding, there to babysit his children.. There to love him and support him. I want this with all my children.. I think i just needed sometime to work that out. i needed to remember why i started cohens, and it wasnt cuz of the wedding cuz we decided the date after i started.. Basically it was Oliver, and me wanting to be healthy to be around for him

Cobie-Lee

You literally just brought tears to my eyes with this. You are SOOOO back in the right head space now - this is exactly what I (and others) were getting at. You have remembered why you were doing this in the first place. It's no surprise once you set a date you started focussing on that - I have been there too! But remembering your original reasons is the key to your lifelong success.

You will succeed and you will remain Deviation Free.

Oh and good for you going to the Dr (I hope they checked your blood pressure) and for talking to your fiance. There are threads around here about people sabotaging you (including unintentionally) so have a read of them if the problem occurs again. I am sure he had your best interests at heart but so often people 'mean well' when it is not necessarily the best thing for us.

Keep on keeping on!!!! ((HUGS))

[Shanara]

Hey well done Cobi Lee,

Congrats on recommitting to your self and Oliver, (although I have to say was a part of me looking forward to Koh dressed in tutu walking backwards...... lolololol)

You can do this! Look how successful you have been so far. Talking to the fiance is a great step - congrats.

Also congrats on asking for help from this forum as well. So often we can think we have to do it alone.

Shanara

[Future Yummy Mummy]

Good for you, love. Remember that feeling and keep replaying it in your mind whenever you feel low.

[FlaMie]

Hi Cobie,

I know I'm in no position to really say anything because I didn't have that much to lose to begin with. I know that the journey can get quite difficult especially when you don't quite see the end coming. I had that feeling when I first began but I told myself every day that I can only blame myself for allowing my own weight to get out of hand thence having to bring it back down. I also tell myself that I finally found a programme that WILL WORK if I allow it to. No other programmes are going to be this effective because they just won't and I know also I would be spending tons of money on them to get NO RESULT. The money spent on cohen really is almost insignificant to the ones I've spent in other slimming centres. Moreover, I also tell myself that the cost of fixing my health would be EVEN GREATER in future if I don't fix my weight now. These thoughts kept replaying themselves in my head when I go through the programme and that basically kept me on course. I don't know if these words mean anything to you but gal, 40kg is no mean feat... you DON'T WANT TO WASTE IT!

[Babybell]

Cobie lee, You have done sooo well to have lost nearly 50kg OMG ! WELL DONE ! I'm only into my second week and scratching my head whether i can do this or not & you have done 8 MONTHS !, thats fantastic ! I see that ya stated your going to keep it up..and i think that is really good news & i wish you all the luck to go right to the end...

Sorry to hear of all the sickness that has come over your family all in one hit, it must have been hard to try to commit 100% & not to mention your fiance trying to talk you out of it at one point..

All I can really suggest is that if your doing it REALLY REALLY hard, and you NEED that 'time' to give yourself a break, DON'T go off & eat yourself silly because your not 'dieting' anymore, MAYBE going onto weight watchers points system for a little while ? You probably won't lose weight..BUT, it'd be just about a guarantee that you wont put all the weight back on that you just worked hard to lose, if you know what i am saying, as long as you stuck to your daily points, u'd still be 'in control' for the time that your off cohens ? Then once you feel like your all pumped and ready to continue, then come back to your cohens journey, it'd probably start to fall off as quick as it did when you first started !? Just an idea of mine !?

Anyways darl, whatever you choice to do, I wish ya ALL the luck, but there is one thing, I do believe you've got it in ya to continue !! xo