An outsider's thoughts on "You've lost enough!!"

[Kohinoor]

Hi all, that frustrated mathematician is at it again :P

Over time, I keep hearing people being concerned about friends saying "You've lost enough - stop now!"

But hey, let's turn it around ....

It struck me (I've been around a wee while now, and read A LOT of posts) that there may be a rather obvious (yet over-looked) answer as to WHY do others keep saying this. I'll endeavour to keep it brief (an achievement in itself if it's possible )

The BFO (Blinding Flash of the Obvious) hit me as the number of photos grew on here. I was seeing photos of people who look REALLY GOOD who were not yet at their goal weight. Some were 5Kg away - some were 10KG or even more - yet, they looked pretty damn good to me.

My BFO was this (or, more, a combination of these):-

1. Even if the posters may have a few niggles re "that flappy skin on the thighs" or "the slight belly when seated" or "arms are still a bit big", when your journey is down to "the last 10Kgs" that means you are also down to "the last 30cms" - near enough? Now, that 30cms is "spread around" - maybe 6cms waist, 10cms hips, 6cms chest/bust, 3cms arm, 5cms thigh. Not overly HUGE numbers, eh?

But wait, there's more - let's take that arm - with 3cms to go, that means the Diameter has only 1cm to go (thanks to pi) so, to the observer, this person might be 1 cm more than normal .... huh? Look around, and in a group of 10 people, you'll see 2 - 4 cms difference - JUST because of body type and/or fitness levels - even if all 10 were at a healthy weight and stature.

So, even if YOUR arm appeared to be 1cm larger than someone else, WE would hardly be thinking of you as "still fat"!! Or your hips 3cms larger, or waist 2cms over - that's what WE see (but YOU see those numbers multiplied by 3.14159 or therebouts). What WE see are TINY numbers people (1, 2, 3cms - a mere nothing).

So, even if YOU (with the tape measure, the fire in the belly, 10Kg to go, Santa's plan, and the bottle of water ) are seeing larger numbers, MOST of us observers see WAY LOWER numbers when looking at you - in short, YOU LOOK GREAT, WAY before you finish your journey.

Mathematically speaking:-
YOU see your circumference (the tape measure) but WE see your diameter !! And your circumference will always be THREE TIMES as big a number than what we see as observers. THIS may be a part of why YOU still see "so much to go" while we see "looking good".


2. I can only speak for me, but I see people via their face primarily - and it seems on this plan, the face is one of the earlier areas to lose the weight (my opinion only). Maybe that is not true - but the face seems to "come right" even when you are 20+ Kgs from "the end" - sure, you are correct if you "aren't quite happy yet" and have the right to go on.

But, poor old me (and maybe your Mum and Dad), are thinking you are "about right" WAY ahead of your goal weight. Could be those skin tones, the cheek bones, the happy look in your eyes, the missing double chin, the confident projection of YOU showing in that face of yours. Whatever it is, your face and eyes are your window to the world - and if they are looking their best, many other "failings" get over-looked (like that 2cm too big waist ... )

Of course, with my experience gleaned from all of you, there's NO WAY that I would say "Don't go lower" as I understand you at a level most don't get to see. But your poor old Mum, or Dad, or others are seeing you through those "diameter" eyes - and you are looking so good to them.


3. Following on then, their "don't go lower" may come from:-
a. seeing you "looking great" and not wanting to see you lose it
b. seeing some of the loose skin (that YOU know will tone AFTER you finish and can hit the gyms again)
c. some say "the hair falls out" - is Mum getting paranoid about this (even though YOU know it'll all come good at the end too)
d. disturbing "weight" experiences with others (friends or off-spring of friends with anorexia issues)?
e. having heard "enough" about this diet plan (sorry, but for some it may be valid) - maybe THEY need a break.....

Hehe - so much for "keeping it brief" - I hope some thoughts were useful though.

Koh

[kase]

I think you make a very valid point and I know I am far more criticial of myself than anyone will ever be.

I guess its just a matter of accepting that you dont think you need to lose anymore and moving on from that until you reach a point when you are happy with yourself.

[asy]

Koh, that IS brief for you! hehe

Seriously, though, it's amazing and VERY sage, as usual.

asy

[Andy46]

Koh - You are so right - My own Mum who I do not see regularly and who for the last 40 years has spoken to me about my weight - is now constantly telling me that I am not eating enough and that I have lost enough weight "for now" - yet when I was 100 kg previously - many years ago maybe - but Mum was constantly on my case to loose the weight - I still have way more to go (70 kg) but my mother just sees the new happy me (@99kg)and the new shirts maybe and the change and reacts to the new me thus far from the old fat bloke she looked at 6 months ago - I also think that the big loose over a such a short period - really makes people notice more and see a sudden change - The funny thing I am finding is that as well as my weight lose - my beard lose is the same - the people who only have known me with a beard for 20 years suddenly comment about it - yet others who I have not seen for a while and who knew me without a beard for a similar amount of time - don't notice - and one old friend actually asked if I did I have a beard - and I only saw her 6 months ago.

Thanks Koh !!!!!!

Have a good one


Andy

[Faithy]

Ahhh yes!!!! Awesome post Koh.. & so very true.. I have even contemplated telling everyone how much I weigh, maybe that will shut them up, but I doubt it..
You rock!!!!

[Pudge]

You are so right Koh again. I see what others are saying about the "you've lost enough it is time to quit" So I have started to tell them my weight. Then they are like"NO WAY" But you don't look it. Well what can I say that is what my scales say.

I can really understand it now since I tryed on a couple of show tunics I bought in Dec. they were pretty snug and I thought well I will have to resell them. I put them on this am and they fit way better and the scales have only went down a pound since I got them.

I said before if I lived in Kentucky where everyone seen me all the time thin, they would just say "You look normal again" Where here people have only known me fat. So now they are thinking I am looking to thin.

[Sezi]

You are so very right Koh! I know that I still have a long way to go and I am more committed than ever to get down to the bottom range of my goal weight. My Mum is one of the main factors to me finding Cohens many people on her staff have done it and she has seen what a transformation that it has made in their lives. What i don't get now is that although I have lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time, she doesn't see it and makes comments like I think that you should stop at around 90kg (mind you that is about what she weighs at the moment) I think that you will look fine then. I don't want to be fine, I want to be healthy and I want to regain my life. A lot of people in my family also say things along those lines like when you get under 100kg you should stop.

It is funny what people class as being "alright" Under 100 I am still overweight and I am still putting my health at risk, I know compared to where i was anything will look "alright"

[Annabelle Joy]

I mentioned to my consultant yesterday that a lot of the members had commented that they were told it was time to stop by family/friends before they reached their goal weight. She said that it had happened to her, and that people started to say it once she weighed less than they did. Knowing that, I can now think of a couple of friends who I'm certain will tell me it's time to stop when I look thinner than they do. Pudge, I carry a lot of my weight on my hips and legs (upper and lower). I find people (even doctors) are surprised that I weigh as much as I do. Knowing that, I won't be surprised if I start to get hungry again before I reach my goal, but I'm aiming for it.

AJ

[Kohinoor]

With a lot of new readers on here, it's time for a "bump" methinks !!

Koh

[Time4Me]

Koh,

Im so glad you gave this a bump, I found it very interesting reading. I still have a long way to go, but having lost 20kgs in 6 weeks I am already getting comments from people that I have lost enough, I just ask them if they are blind I am still EXTREMELY overweight.. I often wonder what is going through their minds??, while I am fat do I make them feel better about themselves because they are smaller than me??, am I threatening that safe feeling for them by losing more weight??, or is it that they just dont like to see someone else succeed and take control of their life because it just makes them realise how little control they have over their life???. I have had several people now tell me that I am inspiration to them as I have quit smoking, quit drinking and lost 20kgs in such a short time, and those people are also looking to improve their lifestyle now too, but on the other end of the scale I have had one person in perticular tell me she no longer wanted to know how I was doing as it just make her feel lazy ( this is NOT a friend, but a relative by marriage). I wonder what she will be saying and thinking when I lose another 20kgs and then another 20kgs and then ANOTHER 20kgs.. I have a long way to go to reach goal, but Ill get their through my own determination and "selective" hearing.
This is my journey and I will walk it with head held high right to the very GOAL weight I want to be at, not a weight that everyone else thinks I look good at, cause if that were the case I would have never started the program to start with as my hubby, mother, kids, friends tells me all the time I am beautiful the way I am.

Cheers Barb ~!

[bitten]

great post KOH, as always...
and barb...wonderful post, too. you sound great & 20k in 6 weeks is OUTSTANDING!!!!

bitten

[asmara]

Am so pleased to have found this thread and some of the things mentioned by Koh and Barb ring so true for me too! I have been on the programme for 6 days now and was and have had a number of comments made by family members and friends.
A girlfriend of mine (who has always been skinny) asked me why I didnt want to eat the cheesecake she was serving up when I was over. I only had a BLACK decaf coffee only and after I told her what I was doing she said that I was too nice to put myself through this programme! - What did she mean...Nice ?? she just doesn't get it! Then another icing on the cake was that she hoped that I would still be fun when we go out as I was no fun at the moment!
I know it's still early days and am sure I will get many more of these but an alarm bell rang off inside me and I realised that I dont' want to be the entertainer to make others feel good about themselves as I am doing this programme as a complete lifestyle change for me. I love how I am feeling at the moment, and you know what, if I turn out to be boring company for some because I am no longer any "fun" anymore so be it. I am moving on for me and that's the way it is from now on. Yes, it's time to be selfish and do things for me for a change. I have been a carer for my disabled father for the last 17 years and will continue to do so but am realising that all the "padding" that I have built up over these years has to go and I want to truly fly again! The real me is up for this momentus challenge and I'm raring to go!

[carrieanne_c]

ok , Hayley I will give them the benefit of the doubt.

[firefox]

I haven't had that yet, maybe because I live in a country where it is like a crime against society to have a BMI that is 0.1 over the healthy range. But I do get comments that I should consider stopping at 70, instead of going down to my target 65. I figure I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

I do get pitying looks at my meals from some people however, because Indian vegetarian food tends to be pretty starchy with lots of rice, and my food looks so different. I have to say, though, that the people who see me eat, day in and day out, are my husband and kids, who are very suppportive and accepting of the programme, and that makes all the difference in the world.

I feel really bad for some of you who don't get that kind of support- I just want to say that you can feel confident that you ARE on a healthy programme, and you don't need anyone else (who has no idea what the programme is about) to make you doubt that. I like what Kohinoor said some time back about the fact that some people may just not really know much about the programme, while others get tired of hearing about it. This is why I make sure that I tell anyone who comments on my weight loss about it, and then I just change the subject- "Oh but YOU are looking great too! Is that a new outfit?"

[Gabey]

I am pleased I hopped on this morning and saw this bumped thread - thanks Kohinoor! I have had comments from others, but to be honest, the real battle has been with myself.

My Dad asks me each week I see him - how much have you lost now? After 30 kg loss he started saying, well I think you can stop now. People at work and friends have been so encouraging - except for the ones carrying a bit of weight themselves - there's been "Are you STILL doing this diet?" "you don't want to look scrawny" and "its unhealthy to lose that much that fast... without exercising". I walk away and think, I control what I put in my mouth. If I want to stay on this to goal, have re-feed and complete the re-balance of my hormones, then dammit I will. Its nobody else's business and nobody else's health, well being and appearance that is affected.

So I am @10kg above the upper limit of my goal weight and for the last month my weight loss has really slowed but it is still creeping down. As I travel the guilt/ back patting cycle of the scales each week, the mad monkey mind is getting up to old tricks and I ask myself - Really how much longer do I need to do this?.. you are fitting into Size 10s now you started the year buying Size 20s, you can wear sleeveless tops, you are looking pretty damn good... maybe just stop now? Time to get back to real life?

Then yesterday I went shopping for more new clothes (which is such a mixed pleasure- the credit card maxxed out) and I walked into Jigsaw which has been a personal goal from years back - Jigsaw is very tailored clothing brand, I wanted to walk into that store and pick anything up off the rack to try on and have it fit. well, I DID IT. I also had the thrill of the saleslady saying "you look like you would be a size 10" and dammit I WAS!

Coming home after that experience (with new purchases), I realised I want to wear these fabulous new clothes for a long time and feel comfortable in them. If I stop now, I won't complete the re-balance and won't have any room to move in these new clothes. It was something so simple as knowing I look great - I think this, I accept this and I have fallen in love with my body. This is quite a revelation after years of neglect and contempt. I want to take care of it as best I can. There is no returning to "real life" as I am in it now. This is my life with my new cherished best friend, my body.

So when people or my own mad monkey mind says, you've lost enough now, stop... I will think about that stunning Size 10 skirt and how great I felt in it and reply- Its only just begun!

Gabey

[Alibaba]

The girls whom I share an office with is really supportive, they are both skinny and the one is expecting now, but they eat everything. My friends used to say not to loose any weight, but now that I've lost 10kgs they are like "Wow, you look good". The one friend that actually invited me to the Cohen's info session (she chickened out on the night) was very supportive in the beginning, but now she isn't anymore. I think she is jealous (she never joined), but she has about 5kgs to loose and looks heaps better than after when she had her 2nd boy. I just don't care what people say. I will take this program until I feel comfortable. I know that my face gets too skinny when I'm too skinny, so I want to end up at the higher end of my weight range for that reason. There will always be a little bit of fat left, but hey, that's ok, I don't need to look like a skinny bikini supermodel, they are too skinny in real life and are very young as well. I feel so much better about myself already and have less than 10kgs to go.

[Kohinoor]

Hi Alibaba,

I will take this program until I feel comfortable. I know that my face gets too skinny when I'm too skinny, so I want to end up at the higher end of my weight range for that reason.

Please do consider that the "norm" is for the face to become a little gaunt (or skinny) as the body draws fat from wherever it can get it in the latter days of the Plan. If you don't get to finish properly, it could kick back at you down the track.

To do it right, do get to that "eat the arms off the furniture" feeling so that refeed can then complete the process, and add back the normal amount of fat that will return your face to "looking its best". Of course, this hunger MAY happen above your goal weight anyway - or not. Only one way to find out really One exception is if you reach lower goal, AND you are happy with your reflection in a mirror, then starting refeed then is also OK (Asy calls it her "two out of three" rule - hunger, lower goal, looking slim and you're happy).

Have a good read around before "choosing to stop early" - you wouldn't want to do YOU a dis-service eh?

Koh

[FlaMie]

Such kinds of comments don't just exist in phase 1, it continues into maintenance too. As I'm eating healthily now - I eat anything but in moderation, people still give me comments like "why are you still on the DIET?! You've lost enough, you are looking so skinny. You better stop the DIET". This is so frustrating. Despite the innumerous times I've told these people to stop calling it a DIET but my choice of a lifestyle, they persist to irritate me. Gosh, can't these people just stop and when might that be? How can I be any healthier with my 33 kilos of extra weight?

[Kohinoor]

Hi FlaMie,

Such kinds of comments don't just exist in phase 1, it continues into maintenance too. As I'm eating healthily now - I eat anything but in moderation, people still give me comments like "why are you still on the DIET?! You've lost enough, you are looking so skinny".

Hey, it DOES seem a bit unfair eh? But, let's look at what has REALLY happened..... You, FlaMie, have become a challenge - to them !! You got off your butt, and have now shed 30+ Kgs that many of them WISH they could shed.

The good news is, though, that EVERY person you meet from now on will only know the New FlaMie - they won't relate to you as someone 30+Kgs overweight.

And, in time, even old friends will come to "re-know" you as "FlaMie the slim wee girl who went out and shed her demons along with her extra weight some time ago !!"

Hang tough, FlaMie - as with everything, "this too will pass"

Main thing to remember (everyone, whether still on Plan, or on Maintenance) is that these voices are Sirens - luring you onto the rocks, if you let them...

Koh

[FlaMie]

hahahah eat the arms off the furniture? aaahhhh that at least wouldn't hurt my dear pal koh puppy. It is worse if you start to chew off your own arms! I almost did, remember? hehehehe Anyway, you can't believe how irate I can get when I still receive the "good will" advice that I'm eating unhealthily and eating so little... I may collapse etc... gee, what's wrong with these people? If ever I collapse, I think must be due to their over zealous recommendations hahahaha.