Maya's road to health (last part -part 2)

[Kohinoor]

Hi Maya,

What Hexi said !! Exactly what I was thinking !! This time WILL be different, because your leadup to refeed IS different.

Just enjoy it

So sad to hear about what your old boss has done.... Doesn't seem very good to me either. It's not surpising the news is affecting you - a bit of grieving is needed, but, after that, you can let that bad stuff go.

You'll have your memories, and photos - later, you can choose to remember the GOOD times you had (you used to share them on here )

Big hugs,

Koh

[maria1969yellow]

Just touching base and a quick hi and hope you have had a ski (even a little one... ) hey its not like you are wanting to eat the jar of peanut butter....

Happy Valentines day Maya, Im looking at this valentines as a day to love myself... Okay so I do have a hubby I know also but we have all come so far...

I say out with the old in with the new for you and Im sure that next year it wont be a solo Valentines not with your beauty in and out!

Have a beautiful day...

[Maya]

Hexi you made my heart jump! THANK YOU!

I sooo hope this time will be different, really... I will paint your words with gold! THANK YOU!

Koh, as well... You are all so sweet and kind... It really kind of made me more relaxed, to be honest...cuz when I read my last refeed diary...oh, boy...it was IM SO HUNGRY!!! every day...
Thank you!!!
And yes, that guy was just... something to forget about. Learn and move on.

Maria, no, unfortunately I didnt get any skiing and I wont...
I know if I go skiing I would build muscles (happens quick) and muscles would hold glycogen, so I woul probably gain weigh (not fat, but still) and ,..just worth waiting. Besides - we are getting covered with snow right now...it is suppose to snow few feet through the night so I wont be able to get out tomorrow probably at all and nothing is really working.

Hopefully the internet will stay, or else, I will really just have to study study study
I was much better after reading the posts...really, thank you.

I did ask my consultant about the 5 hours rule and she said - it is important to keep meals 5 hours apart, EXCEPT if I have milk, but that is just for the milk...
Hm...
Weird, not?


Oh, by the way - my weight was up this morning... 200 g up...

[thenewvee]

Hey lovely Maya!

I'm glad you are feeling a little bit better!
Sorry to hear your weight was up this morning! That sounds really strange.
Perhaps your body is struggling a bit and refeed is just what you need to get it dropping kgs again! I certainly hope so!

I just realised I missed the bit about your old captain and what he did. He sounds rather petty, and I'm glad you can move beyond his pettyness, as it makes you the much bigger person! It sounds like you definitely did the right thing getting out of that job! Even if it was tough to do!

Thinking of you heaps there in the snow, my refeed buddy!!
I think what Hexi said really rings true and I hope and trust that is how it will be for you this time!

Big hugz,

Vee

[Maya]

Another 100 g up. I have NO idea whats up with this now.
I even skipped one apple and cracker yesterday, cuz I got stucked in library and due to the snow I couldnt go anywhere...
So Im 55.8 kg.

The weight is climbing up every day, 100 g.

Still eating SAME food as last few weeks, all organic, clean..simply I dont get it. I left out the fish oil capsule, I left out another multivitamin I have been taking for last few days...no change. I am using 2 pinches of salt I brought from Europe - the fleur de salt (even better than Celtic salt)..I didnt have any coffee, any sodas, just water water water and plain herbal tea.

Maybe it is the altitude and my consultant was right...she said not to start refeed before I am back in the valley...Maybe that is true... Hopefully it is true.

I wanna thank you again Hexi and Koh for that...it really makes more sense and I might even enjoy extra food this time. Last time it was more like - teasing my hunger than fulfilling it. I just saw pictures from that time again and it they indeed were scary...no wonder I was so hungry. My body was eating itself!

Vee, I know, thank You - the guy is not worth any thought. Am letting it all go. He's not worth another thought. The most important thing is that I feel I did my best and I'm "clean" and know I don't owe anything to anyone. But I do wish I got my money back, which unfortunately I will never see again (I had to lend him 20.000 dollars so he could start a season...he promised to give me some interest since I paid all the wireing...and that I would get it back in 3 months...I got it back in travellers checks in 20$ of which I had to pay 10 cents to put in bank in Bahamas, one year and half later with no interests whatsoever. But that was just the beginning.. eh, dont even wanna go there...)

Anyway, am hoping that this heating in the apartment maybe makes me hold on weight (sometimes the heating /it was 27 degrees in my room last night) and when we'll come down to valley, the weight will drop and I will enter the wonderful land of refeed.

[Maya]

INSTALLING LOVE

Tech Support: Yes, ... how can I help you?

Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install LOVE. Can you guide me though the process?

Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?

Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?

Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?

Tech Support: What programs are running? Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge, and Resentment running right now.

Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longerdisrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off?Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is thatnormal?

Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error - Program notrun on external components." What should I do? Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.

Customer: So, what should I do?
Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.

Customer: Okay, done.Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system willoverwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back. Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart.Is this normal?

Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So LOVE is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. LOVE is Freeware. Be sure to give itand its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some coolmodules back to you.

[thenewvee]

Loved the Installing Love, Maya!

It is very good, and so true!

I think you might be gaining weight because your body is going into starvation mode, so it is storing everything it is getting at the moment. The sooner you start refeed, the better! I hope you have started!
I would have thought cold weather would help you burn more calories to keep warm, rather than making you retain fluid/weight!

Big hugz, don't stress about those few hundred grams, they will be gone in no time at all!

Vee

[Mette]

Absolutely brilliant post, Maya!

So simple and yet so profound! I love it!

[Kohinoor]

Hi Maya,

Says it all really !! Hugs to you....

Koh

[Maya]

Dearest Personal Diary!

I hope I will never write on this board again.
But - you have been tremendous help.

Thank you for carrying all the sad thoughts, all the happy reports and mostly, thank you for all the amazing, warm, helpful souls that were with me on this journey.

I started this diet (again) in Europe, travelled from few countries to Bahamas, then worked on the boat, left my job, left the man I was with, left the boat and came to California...then to Hawaii and up to the snowy mountains where my soul feels at home...And through all this I tried to find all the love I could...but most of it I found inside of me.

The most important part of this journey was what I have learned:

-that nothing will work longterm if it is not done with LOVE
-that patience is the key
-to trust our dr.Magic and not try to be smarter
-that we need each other and that everybody up here were just meant to meet
-that stress makes us hold on to weight - because in stress we are in fear and in fear the body can't relax and release extra fat
-that this journey will probably never end, but I can learn how to through the rough seas and storms, calmy and wavy waters
-I am worthy, I aprove of myself, I deserve to be happy
-I believe
-I am one of the happiest souls under the stars


Bye bye...

I am knocking on the door of the Refeed land!

[thenewvee]

Yay, Maya!!

Look at how much you have learnt!!

Congrats on completing the program and getting to refeed!
I'll see you in refeed land, my friend!

Vee

[hexi2]

congrats maya catch you in refeed land

[Mette]

Maya, words cannot express how happy I am that you have reached refeed. Your journey has been absolutely amazing, and the transformation - physical as well as emotional - that you have been through is so inspirational. You are a truly remarkable person, and I am so happy to have shared part of this journey with you!
I know you will love refeed and get through it and go on to maintenance with the style and grace that is your trademark. Stand proud, pretty lady! You made it!

And now: BANANA PARTY!!

[maria1969yellow]

Congrats Maya, true inspirational role model... So supportive and true to yourself and others. Your a breath of fresh air....

[Maya]

Oh, Maria...I'm blushing....thank you all thank you all!!!!


Vee, Hexi, Mette, Maria...thank you sooo much....

I would NEVER come here without all of you up here, with all the encouragement, support and love.

I am sooo blessed to be so beautifully accepted in this wonderful circle of friends.

THANK YOU ALL!!!!!