Alohabelle's Diary

alohabelle · #1 01-10-2016, 14:37

Hi guys! (Slight copy+paste from my intro post because it contained alot of info....)

I'm new here to the forum although I have been an avid "watcher" for a long time.

I'm currently sitting at my highest weight EVER and it's a scary thought, so I was doing what a lot of people do when they gain a lot of weight: feel depressed and eat more junk. And the cycle just continued over the past 18 months...

I had always been slim, gained some weight in mid-2013 due to changing jobs that had lots of travel and turning from a fit, active, healthy person into a take-away fiend, never finding time to workout, eating at odd hours, and spending most times on planes or sitting at airports or sitting in offices, and ended up around 74kg. Which at the time was the absolute highest weight I'd ever been by about 8kg! And made me SO uncomfortable! (And now I sit here like, what I wouldn't give to be just plainly in the 70s, let alone 74...geeze)

By early 2014 I had changed roles again and this time, no travel, normal hours, back to routine - so I found Cohen's to lose the kgs I'd gained (well, according to Dr Cohen my range is 51-54kg and that's been about right in my experience when I'm eating right and active)... I lost 10kg in the first month! Lost another 2 or 3 in the following few weeks...then - found out I was pregnant!

So that threw a big, albeit fantastic, spanner in the works - and, of course, I had to jump onto an abridged re-feed immediately and stop my Cohen's journey. I took to pregnancy like someone who had been starved their whole life and suddenly was infront of an all-you-can-eat buffet, and by the time I gave birth I was 105kg. I put on the majority of the weight though I'd say in the first 12-16 weeks of being pregnant - I went from 62ish to 80+ really fast.

I had the mentality (coming from thin parents and a thin mother who wore her size 8 jeans the day she left hospital after giving birth) that it was "baby weight" and would go miraculously when I gave birth...but my daughter weighed 3.7kg, not 37kg... so I resigned myself to the fact it was FAT not BABY.

That was 18 months ago, and I'm 'still' 90kg. I have jumped on my old plan a few times in the last 18 months, 8kg was my greatest loss in about 3 weeks, but I always deviate and end up putting it all back on and giving the whole thing up. I think 'it's too hard', 'I'm hungry though'.... my husband eats whatever he wants and works out every day so I get annoyed at the fact I can't eat the same dinner as him, although I'm the one who has to prepare it! I get derailed if there is a social event that requires me to eat, because I 'allow' myself and talk myself into the fact it's a special occasion. Which leads me down the path of "oh well, I stuffed it now, better stop by Maccas on the way home..." Of course, another little cycle.

So I get very frustrated with myself because, generally speaking, I've always been pretty good at motivating myself, sticking to things when I have gained a bit of weight and being quite disciplined, but the past year and a half it's like I can't find the energy or the discipline. And it sucks.

HOWEVER!! I'm over it now. I got to the point where I said, nup this is ridiculous, I'm over being this size and feeling crap and all the 'ailments' that I have or am getting that never used to be a factor, and avoiding doing things I used to love and people who havent seen me in a while like the plague because I'm ashamed. Over living like this!

I read a great quote the other day: It's hard to lose weight through diet and exercise. It's also hard to be overweight. Pick your struggle.

For all the times I've given up because it was 'too hard', if I had kept going I would be at my goal weight now. So it's pretty crazy to keep in this headspace and keep sabotaging myself out of what I actually want!

So, I'm dedicated to taking it seriously now - I'm all organised and ready, set myself some goals and rewards, did a big grocery shop, cooked up my foods, organised my diary (which never happens!) and have basically the next 4 weeks of meals planned out on paper. Phew...

And I'm actually excited for what's to come!!!

I think those moments of weakness are when I need a strategy of distraction: so maybe writing an entry here having a little vent, or looking up some inspirational quotes or stories or reading others diaries... any other ideas??

Thanks for reading my long-winded first entry, I hope I did it right?!

xx

Heidimama · #2 02-10-2016, 10:23

Hello Alohabelle,

Welcome! I hope you find lots of support and success here.

I can relate to so much of what you have written - the self-sabotaging rationalization for going off-plan, which leads to going off the rails for a long time, which leads to more rapid weight gain, and the frustration with the vicious cycle.

You are so right: "It's hard to lose weight through diet and exercise. It's also hard to be overweight. Pick your struggle." I will put this in my toolbox.

Another one that helps me in moments of temptation comes from another member, STSK: "It's just food". Three powerful words that can help to rein in my galloping thoughts of "I must have ______ now!!!"

Look forward to the journey with you.

Soleil · #3 03-10-2016, 03:31

You started your diary!!!! Fantastic!!!

I can relate to everything you wrote, loved your post!! That cycle...... Oh yes.... Got to break that cycle!!!! It'll be hard, especially the beginning, but just stick with it, there are lots of people writing awesome journals here at the moment and they are filled with words of wisdom. I really think they key to make this successful is not only to do the program part but to do some serious soul-searching! Take this time to learn but be kind to yourself, we all make mistakes on this journey but the most important thing is to just keep going.

I'm so excited for you for taking the first step!

Soleil xx

Soon2BSlim · #4 04-10-2016, 11:43

What a great entry post Alohabelle! I so look forward to following your journey!!

Louise

StrongerThanSheKnows · #5 08-10-2016, 08:52

Aloha Alohabelle!

I honestly felt like I could have written your exact post. It is incredible that we all struggle with such similar things!!! But that's why it is so nice to have the forum. While your lucky husband (and mine too) may not have a clue what you're going through, WE do!
My daughter just turned two and it is so hard to cook food for my family, food I can't eat, food I want to eat, food that often times gets thrown away since my toddler is picky. So please do come here and vent! Vent away! It is so nice to know you're not alone. The support and camaraderie is invaluable!
Even though the first few weeks is a major mental challenge, you can and will get to the other side and there will be weeks that just fly by, sizes that just fly by, inches that seem to disappear. Once it becomes an accepted lifestyle you can spend less time worrying about it and more time enjoying life, your family, and all the things you used to love to do!
We are here with you on this journey and you got this. You're a mom after all, you can do anything!
All the best!!!
StrongerThanSheKnows

mesmer_eyes · #6 10-10-2016, 19:10

Hi Alohabelle!

I liked your first post as I can relate so much to it. I think most of us here have been in the same situation and particularly the cycle that you referred to. Heck, I was just there the past few weeks and Im still trying to get out of it.

How's your first few days on the plan? I hope all is well.

I wish you good luck and a few of us here will be cheering you on and keep a check on you

Jem_HA · #7 17-10-2016, 16:27

How are things going for you alohabelle?