Journey to a New Me

[Soon2BSlim]

Wow! You did SO well avoiding all those temptations! You're a superstar!

Louise

[mesmer_eyes]

@ Ciors and Soon2BSlim: thanks ladies! I have fallen off the wagon so bad and hoping to get my groove back.. Lots of diaries to catch up on

Day 5: Still hungry

My hunger today was at its peak. An hour after I finished breakfast, I felt hungry. I didnt have crackers for the day. My fruit allowance was finished by lunch time and was able to shop for groceries by 6:30.

I really had to pace myself. Worst thing is, the Ryvitas that I normally buy was not available. The Provitas were. Just writing that rang an internal alarm. My oh so perfect 60days of absolutely being Cohen clean was broken when I started having provitas. Damnnit crackers! But I was also dangerously close to deviating yesterday, being in the supermarket and all. So I bought 1 pack.

Successfully had my cracker allowance though.. whew.. I still need them Ryvitas. PRovitas bring on the binge for me.

Good thing about today is-- 1) I was off from work / 2) I got a massage / 3) finalized the itinerary for my upcoming trip / 4) Got to try shooting something with the bf

All meals taken on time, vitamins, crackers and fruits too. 2 DCs

DDay 5: DV free

Daily Temptations List- Update

Office.. still notorious for packing on the pounds..

DDay 1: None

DDay 2: Colleague's birthday - 2 honey cakes
Evening: Meat from braai *drooool*

DDay 3: Movies- caramel popcorn, nutella crepe (holy crepe!)

DDay 4: Normal snacking by friends

DDay 5 : Chocolate cupcakes baked by my colleague (im glad i was not in office!)

[Not2Much]

Now there's some words I wasn't expecting to 'see' around here...braai...biltong...provitas...?

Well done for getting back on the bus and resisting all those temptations - you'll be back to feeling amazing in no time!

Why don't you join us in the Spring Challenge?

[mesmer_eyes]

Hi Not2Much! Yes found myself hanging out with a group from SA.. but Provitas, I found them way before them.. I've joined the challenge.. thanks for letting me know

[mesmer_eyes]

DDay 6: Too busy.. Is there such a thing?

Back to work.


Slept late last night, so I woke up late as well. I just had a yogurt and fruit for breakfast then cooked and packed my lunch..


I must admit, this diet really works. In a span of 5-6 days, the bloat on my face and tummy has somehow diminished.. It just really works. It makes you think:


why dont you just follow it??


Is it not worth it??


Why do you have to give in to the junk, which you already know does nothing good for you but instant gratification??


Was that instant gratification worth it??

I didnt cook my dinner for today as I woke up so late this morning. And by evening, I got so caught up with errands + the dentist visit that it was already 9pm and I havent eaten my dinner. I was so so so hungry to the point of dizzy.


I tried to wait it out, but was kind of impossible to reach home by 9:30. I already had a yogurt for breakfast, so that was not an option. Fruit and crackers allowances are consumed.


By 9:30, I caved. I ate the crackers, half a pack of it to be exact.

When I reached home by 10:30, I searched the forum about skipping meals. I really didnt feel like eating dinner. I just wanted to sleep. All the post about it had a big message of DO NOT SKIP MEALS! Hmm.. I was full from the crackers and I wanted to sleep. So I went to the kitchen and started measuring.


But I stopped. I was not hungry. Why do I have to eat when Im not hungry?


I know that was not so Coheny- Zonious move that I made, but fact was, Im not hungry. So I kept what I have measured for the next day and went to bed by 12 after winding down in front of the telly.


Brekkie and lunch taken on time, vitamins, fruits and crackers too. 1 DC


Note to self: "ALWAYS have your meals with you. ALWAYS."


DDay 6: NOT DV free.

[Not2Much]

So you deviated...a little...in my eyes.

Think about what could have happened...you could have stopped at MickyD's...but you didn't!

Under the circumstances you didn't do bad at all...so dust yourself off - it's a new day

[Ciors]

Ditto what N2M said. Small deviation in comparison to what you could have done. I know its not everyone's cup of tea, but I used to keep cooked frozen meals in zip lock bags. It was convenient for me, and on several occasions saved my bacon too.

[Soon2BSlim]

Ouch! So many temptations. It's hard to resist, I know but you'll thank yourself when you do. You don't have a lot of weight to lose but just think, every time you face temptation and give in you are only prolonging the agony of "the diet" while beating yourself up and feeling like a failure.

You're not a failure, you can do this and you can resist the many temptations that come your way. Imagine how jealous your colleagues will be when they see you looking sexy and trim and they have put on weight eating all those temptations.

When I was on Cohen's before someone commented that they always carried a tin of tuna and some crackers with them so that if they ever found themselves away from home or in an "emergency" where they couldn't get their prescribed food they always had Cohen's readily available. One tin of tuna can equal the right amount of a protein serve and eating the crackers with the tuna could be enough to sustain you so that you don't have to end up eating something not on plan.

Good luck with avoiding the temptations, it's hard but you can do it. You're an amazing woman with the power to resist!

<3

[mesmer_eyes]

Yah, I could have opted to drive through..but I guess Ive reached the point where Im tired of prolonging this. I just need to fine tune my groove to be fully on track to being 100% CD clean.

Thanks for the support and encouragement. I do need them big time, I feel like im on a slump in reaching the zone.

DDay 7: The Ugly Truth

71 kgs.. heart breaking.

I weighed myself for the spring challenge, and now Im back to almost square one, 6kgs lower than where I started, which is still better. But looking at the 14kgs I have to lose, seems like wahhhhhhh! I was so close before.. 5kgs to be exact and then I spiralled..

Mega OUCH!

I will be weighing myself again with the proper fat body analysis machine at the gym by 31st. I will be as technical as I could be [again]. My round 2 worksheet monitoring the important fitness parameters and of course measurements.

Anyhoo.. I changed my ticker.. there is no point re-living the olden days of glory. I have a new challenge to tackle now..

Cooked 2 days worth of meals in the morning. Except breakfast.. I miscalculated the time and didnt want to be late for work. Glad to have found the only remaining low fat yogurt in the only grocery in our office bld (it was meant for meee! ).

Being prepared with meals immediately paid off. After my swimming class, I got an invite to join the girls for some ladies night. I felt so relieved that I have my dinner that I can eat before I meet them, coz otherwise, I would either have to eat out with them or decline the invite altogether. So I joined them and had 2 DCs

Reached home by 12:30 though.. so amount of sleep im sure is compromised.


DDay 7: DV free.

[mesmer_eyes]

DDay 8: Emotions and Eating

This day was one of those that started bleak, and even when you try to make it better, it just goes back to being bleak.

Due to lack of sleep, I was cranky. But I didnt mind because I had a good time yesterday. However, I gained a good kilo today. I dont know what it was.. too many DCs? crackers? lack of sleep? I dont know..

Had my breakfast. After my black coffee, everything was good again

Come midday, I had a huge argument with a friend of mine that carried on the whole afternoon, arguing on whatsapp. It took a lot out of me.. bummed me out big time.

By 4pm, I was tired and ready to reach for anything tasty! chocolates, chips, a good serving of sauteed mushrooms on toast with truffle oil.. anything good..mouth satisfying.. just to cover up for the lousy fight... the feeling of being treated unfairly and judged.

But I didnt give in.

After work, I was still so bummed that my colleague asked me to go for a beer in the nearby irish pub.. happy hour.. so I went.. she had a beer and I had a DC..

An hour later, I was soooo hungry for skinny fries and that mushroom with truffle oil toast. It took a good 30minutes of saying "yes lets order!" and " no.. i cant! I have to stick to my diet" Im surprised my colleague didnt punch me in the face right there.. hahaha..

It was extremely difficult. The internal struggle, reasoning with yourself whether or not to give in. The reasons to give in were very powerful, despite sounding silly enough in my head. I almost did give in.


My success (for today) depended on just 1 word,1 thought, 1 phrase, 1 decision - NO. THANK YOU.


I will not give in. Sounds easy right? Think again..

Reached home before 9, shaking with hunger and anticipation. Had my last serving of crackers with a teaspoon of light mayo and ate my cauli rice with minced beef.


And everything was alright...


All meals taken on time, fruits, vitamins and crackers too. 2 DCs.


DDay 8: DV free.

[Ciors]

Lots to be proud about there Mesmer!

[Soon2BSlim]

Well done for being so strong and resisting so many temptations. There were so many things that could have derailed anyone but you were amazing and pushed through to stay DV free. What an inspiration!!

[Chew chew]

Well done Mesmer for not giving in. It definitely something to be proud of as I know how hard it is to fight temptation. We could easily say yes but it is so dam hard to say no as it plays in your head. Well done.

You are doing great keep looking forward, stay positive and we will all get there.

Chew Chew

[mesmer_eyes]

Thanks Ciors and S2BS.. I really did try..But met the weekend with a big failure..

Day 10-11: Tougher than I thought

Dissapointment. I gave in.

Wrote about it in my blog, but didnt feel like writting it here.. Really a junk weekend.. First curiousty got the best of me.. a friend made Ukranian pancakes and quinoa beetroot salad.. Braai in the evening.. movies the next day.. Ben and Jerry's ugh!

and Ive got only myself to blame.. :/

crap.

[SallyG]

Hi ME, please don't beat yourself up I know this diet focuses on the 100%, all-or-nothing view... But in reality, we still have to live life. Yes, when we follow the rules and get in the 'zone' the weight falls off super quick, but getting to the 'zone' (especially when you've been there before and are trying to come back!) can be such a trying time - mainly emotionally! I too fell apart this wkend, massive binge last night and ate basically every non-cohen morsel I could find in the house. I wish I had more inspiring words to say but as someone who honestly knows what you're going through - don't beat yourself up. Tomorrow is a new day, a new week, heck it's even a new month! Everyday is a second chance and when it's the right time, you'll know it. 😊

[Soleil]

Hello my friend... I feel like I can call you a friend as I've been following your journey for six months now You and I need to finish this, let's do this together ! Let's help each other and check on each other. We started the same time, we were meant to be done with this by May. I'm thinking it'll be end of November for me now, you'll get there faster than me. But let's just do it. I really, really, really want to see you getting to the end, and staying there!!!!

[Butterfly94]

Hi Mesmer!

Firstly, big hugs to you. Having gone through very similar experiences, I can absolutely empathise with you.

I was 2kg away from starting refeed...and guess what? The hungries and cravings became so intense, along with stress and emotional problems, that I caved in and binged! And the binge didn't stop with that one day-it continued the next day, and the day after! I ended up pushing myself back, to a point where I was a good 7-8kg away from starting refeed!

I went back 100% on the program for the next 2 weeks and lost most of what I had gained...but guess what? I had another 3-day binge party again at the end of those 2 weeks! Needless to say, I hindered myself from refeed again.

And this cycle repeated itself one more time...100% clean on EP for 2 weeks and then a binge party.

So that's a total of THREE times that I set myself back (and that too in similar fashion).

But after the last binge party, I told myself to stop. I made up my mind to brave the hunger and cravings and whatever else that came along and finish this. I have been deviation-free ever since and will be starting my refeed at the end of this week.

I'm so sorry if I've been rambling, but the point of all this is to let you know that you are not alone. Sometimes its the guilt of not being perfect on the plan that makes us lose confidence in our ability to finish what we started. That in turn makes us fall off plan further.

But transformation is never perfect. And that's okay, because the beauty of transformation does NOT lie in being perfect, it lies in being able to pick yourself up and move forward after a fall.

In fact, the sense of achievement and pride you get from picking yourself up after a fall may even trump what you may feel from being perfect on the plan!

When we are denied certain choices (non-cohen foods/larger quantities in our case), our minds usually keep wandering back to thinking about them, even if we may not actually be interested in it. Its just like when someone says "Don't think about a bear", that's the first thing you think of! Its a mechanism built into the human psyche, and its something we have to battle with on Cohen's.

Try to distract yourself as much as possible from the hunger and cravings. Make yourself proud. I KNOW you can do this!

[Ciors]

Hugs ME xxx

[Butterflywings]

Come on ME, brush the dust of your knees, stand by me and we'll take some steps together.

Great post BF94, I needed to read something like that today!

[Soleil]

See when I was taking a 'break', you checked where I was, twice, and to be honest I though oh god leave me alone I just want to be left alone in my shame and misery BUT at the same time I absolutely loved it - someone cared!

So here's my *knock, knock * to you.

MISSING YOU HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Come back!!!!!!!!

NOW!!!!!!!

Soleil