Tes Journal

[michiemama]

Tes, I can't seem to access your photo album?

[Heidimama]

Hi Tes! I feel like I know you even though this is my first post in your diary. I am in awe of your fast losses - testament to your dedication. Sending good vibes for your back and continued improvements in your health.

[blondetastic]

No Tes you don't sound vain. You have worked hard and it's everyone's right to see and feel rewards for the hard work they put into themselves. Well done on the 1kg loss. Hope you hit your 10kg goal!!

[Jay's Wife]

Tes, holding thumbs for you. Hope the trip doesn't steer you too far from plan.

[Tes]

Im here again - the place I turn to when things get really out of control. Life has been a roller coaster for me - both mentally and physically and of course I have suffered as a consequence. In June I decided to resign my job of 15 years. You know when you decide wow I really need to do what I love and Im getting too old to not pursue this. Well I only want to focus on communications and my company kept pushing me to do fundraising too and finally after my 15 years of 14/15 hour days and all the stress I just had enough. You know when you get an email that is kinda rude and its the last straw. Well I sent a nicely worded thanks for for the last 15 years but im leaving - well I did it and resigned - I finish working for them in Dec. Once I had done it I went into serious stress mode - what have I done how will we cope financially. I spiraled into depression and went to a DR eventually - and finally today I can say I am finally healthy again - mentally. Unfortunately in the meantime I have coped with constant UTI's since July and went into kidney failure and landed up in hospital. after 3 months of antibiotics and constant repeat UTI's my body began to resist these and now I have to have an operation for a pacemaker that stimulates my nerves to help my bladder. The op is in 2 phases and one month will be a test phase with the pacemaker on the outside - a month of no water/bath/shower - facecloth only and then if the pacemaker works they will insert a smaller permanent one into my bottom. I also have Interstitial Cystitis which means I am in constant pain and pretty much exhausted by 2pm. So this is why im writing. I went Monday last week for a cystoscopy and I had to get onto a digital scale for the anesthetist to figure out how much anesthetic to give me. I officially hit the one ton Tessie mark - yes 100.1 kg's. Ive been in denial about the number but was only able to fit in one pair of pants and those wore out by the thighs - that's how bad it is. So Im taking myself in hand. I cannot have a device implanted into my bottom when it is so large I have to lose weight - even though I only have a month before the permanent device - Its at least a month ahead of nothing. I started 8 days ago and I am now at 95. Im feeling so much better already - but better that I am finally admitting its time to sort myself out. To be honest mentally I just didn't have the strength to cope with my eating too but im stronger now and able to take this on too. I have told work because of the two surgeries I will finish off the year working from home so I have no distractions from this goal. Im not jumping for joy at dropping 5 - Im quietly hoping this is the start of the sticking point to the larger loss I must get to. While I have just turned 42 I feel 62 - just tired and thanking the lord that this at least is a plan that can help without me having to be active. because that is just out of the question for the next few months. Im hoping I can be strong enough to get this right.

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[StrongerThanSheKnows]

Hi Tes!
Wow, that all sounds like a dreadful lot to have to deal with all in one go. I'm sorry that you've had such a struggle physically and emotionally. I can't imagine how scary if must have been to make that kind of drastic change after 15 years. I think it is very brave of you to insist upon spending your life working somewhere that inspires you and makes you feel like you're living your purpose. Nearly a decade ago, my best friend gave me a piece of art that said "We must do what we love, or risk doing nothing at all." They are words I think of often.
It is also commendable that amidst all this medical stress you are strong enough to do the hard thing. The hard thing that you know puts you at your healthiest state to take on these other challenges. You're definitely inspiring me to realize that all the excuses I have invented to postpone this or take a break, or whatever, are nonsense. This is the healthiest thing we can do for our future and our present.
Its great that you made it through the first week already and with a huge 5kg loss. Fantastic! And you're already feeling better, hooray! Great job Tes!

[Heidimama]

Hello Tes,

I am sorry for all that you have been through. Stress is a beast. I an glad you are back on the plan and trust you will continue to have good results. Congrats on losing those first 5 kilos - that is probably about 12% on the way to your goal? Pretty cool.

You have been such an inspiration to many of us here. I hope that you will start feeling like your young self again.

I will be thinking good thoughts for you.

[Soleil]

I'm sorry to read about all the things you've gone thru.......

I followed your journey before in amazement of your determination, willpower and to get to goal. You will get there again, wiser and more powerful than ever!!

All the best to you

[mesmer_eyes]

Hey Tes!

What a ride... and I wish that you will continue moving on from the struggles you faced with a renewed spirit..slowly and steadily.

You were so brave. You had the the strength to resign after being employed for such a long time. This is a step not all of us can take. Bravo for choosing yourself and your happiness.
The stress and sadness are all part of the change and soon enough when you make an effort it will pass.

Keep on going

[Tes]

Ive crawled out of my sick shell - Ive had three surgeries and four hospital stays (one including an infection) and I am finally feeling really normal again. The pacemaker is a great success and for the first time in years I am really not in pain or uncomfortable. Ive had to have a lot of cortisone and antibiotics - pretty much full on for 2 months and Im still finishing a last course. I am continuing with my eating plan for a few weeks before I go away - Im still on 95 from where I got to before my surgery - but hope to drop a bit before I go on holiday. Come January I will devote myself to Cohens without deviations to have a completely healthy body - the surgery bit has fixed me up and the rest is all up to me.

[Heidimama]

Welcome back, Tes! Pleased to hear that the surgeries were successful. Take very good care.

[Donzie]

You go for it Tes.

I reckon 2017 might be the beginning of something wonderful for you. The universe has certainly cleared the way for it. I'll be watching this space!