Journey to a New Me

[trishieness]

That's true! It's all in the mind, and congrats for getting into the right mindset you needed to get started! Wishing you all the best in this journey and cheers to more days of DF!

[Andie27]

Hi Mesmer-eyes,
All the best this time round.
Any detox symptoms yet?
I would rather sleep than eat and I get a bit fed up with it all especially when I was eating to fill my emotional gaps! It just never ever worked and I just felt more and more like crap.
One thing I try to keep in the back of my mind is: you can't experience success without failure.
At least we know that our program works for us when we stick with it.
Wishing you all the best.
Hugs Andie

[mesmer_eyes]

This site really never disappoints.. the support I get from this site is more than what I receive from the people around me. Thanks ladies! Probably because we understand each other and what we are going through.

Im not sure if it is to early to say, but I think I got it this time. I really feel strong and steady and I don’t feel that this is hard as it was before, meaning those failed attempts. During those several failed attempts I really felt it was difficult to do. Was it because I really didn’t want it? OR was it because the temptation was too much at the onset of those attempts? I don’t know what changed this time around but I can say Im actually good.

I had my detox (hopefully the worst part of it) 2 days ago.

On Thursday, I had to attend a farewell braai with colleagues. The new team that I belong to didn’t know that I did the CD before. I went to change in my colleague’s apartment coz her place is so close to the venue and I told her about this and then she told our other colleagues of what I was doing at the venue so people would stop asking me to eat. I think this helped a lot. A lot! I didn’t want to lose face in front of everybody by breaking down and eating even though the spread of barbecued meat smelled and looked AMAZING.. My word.. I seriously thought I would crumble.. I noticed that I was detoxing because I wanted to have the chips more than the meat.. which is so unlike me. I would rather have meat over chips anytime. Oh and the booze, well that’s enough to knock us all out. But I stuck to my last fruit of the day and 1 DC

At 11, we all decided to go to a beach bar/club and I think I had sweat all the toxins away!! Haha it was so humid at the beach but we all went dancing until 2am! My feet hurt, my shirt was drenched, my hair was sticky and all of them were drunk, and I emerged out of there sober Reached home at 3:30. I know this is not ok with CD but its been a loooong time since I partied… so its alright :P

On Friday, detox was full on. I woke up at 10:30 and made my breakfast. I didn’t have crackers at home, so as a compensation I told myself, I will have beef only today from meals 2 & 3. I didn’t have crackers!! I thought I wouldnt make it!! So I just slept it off.. I was so cranky..

Saturday came and this was a fun day, and the detox part felt lesser. In the morning, I went with the girls to the beach and did some pedal boating! It was so much fun! It was so hot, but yet, so fun and once we were in the water.. It was alright. It felt like a really cheaper version of a boat party which gives you a workout at the same time. They had their chips, drinks, and I had my yogurt, crackers, fruit and DCs. I didnt want to be unprepared.

In the afternoon, I went home to cook my lunch and went to see a movie with the bf. I cried. I cried inside when he was eating Burger Fuel!! I love their burgers and most specially their fries.. But still, it wasn’t as hard as I thought it would, in the sense that I didn’t even think of deviating. Not a bit. Then we went to the cinema, and the smell of popcorn was intoxicating. But Im ok. Came home, and cooked 4days worth of meals.

So all is well, and in 1 week, I lost 2.1kgs. I guess Im holding on to a lot of water..

Day 7, deviation free.

[Andie27]

Yay! 2.1 kgs that's fantastic. Good on you for sticking to your plan. Keep posting. Hugs Andie

[Tes]

Mesmer_eyes

You had so many potential obstacles and you dealt with them like a seasoned cohenite. Well done. I can so sympathise with the movies - Did you even manage to concentrate on the movie I went and all i could hear was popcorn crunching and hands moving to mouths - so distracting. I could smell the wine gums too - needless to say i have not actually been to the movies again while OP. You have had a great week on 2.1 kilos is fantastic - kudo's.

[mesmer_eyes]

Hello everyone.. time for an update!

@ tes: with the popcorn.. i just let the smell consume me ..hold on to the hand rests and hope that the movie is that interesting for me to forget them crunchy, buttery, salty, warm popcorn.. I cry.. on the inside..

Guess what? it was too early to say that detox was over because 2 days ago, well i deviated in the evening.. that day i was so so so hungry that i knew i was detoxing..office had cakes for a colleagues birthday.. phew..

During my 1st successful run in Cohen's, I made a daily temptations list, for each day that I had temptation right in front of me, and I cant believe how strong I was that time. Who was that woman????

I guess I didnt help myself by cooking Pork Afritada with those potatoes from SA for the bf. I thought I could hold of, but the smell was soooooo good..

we have dinner sitting together in the couch in front of the telly (i know i know), i was eating my food and he ate the afritada.. i finished my meal and im still hungry.. went to have a small pork piece.. and khalas from there on, i kept munching on the pork. He wasnt saying anything.. to make things worse, i had a bar of chocolate and a few crackers..

i wanted to beat myself up for it. but i didnt. I promised myself I wont deviate the next day coz i know it will be more difficult.

Next morning came, and boom +1kg.. I consoled myself by believing I can lose this again. This day was worse. hungry. Came home and had my dinner. BF had left over of yesterday's food and nicely said "I can sit somewhere else..." sweet.. but i told him thats alright..

I looked longingly on the food, isntead of giving in, I asked myself.. why am I so hungry? No answer. So I thought, "maybe I just am. deal with it. its not as if Im gonna die." So I survived the day DV free.

This morning, I weighed myself, and had shed that +1kg spike.. lost 900gms. And so far Im good.. What i've realized is, everything passes, even hungry (mind or tummy hunger), I might as well make it count the next time I like deviating.

Weirdly this morning, one of my colleagues already said "you lost weight?".. funny thing what a measely 2kg loss could do. Also, Im wearing the jeans I wore in March for my birthday, could be my imagination, but it felt better on the waist area.. guessing bloat is gone..

I havent measured myself. Im just too tired from work in the evening.. will probably do this when I reach 69kg.. for now, I just want to leave the 70s..

thinking of writing in my blog again.. but there where so many failed attempts in there that im still not ready to face another uncompleted journey.. maybe i will start to write again on 31May..

have a good day ladies!

[Soleil]

Well hello, hello....
Here we two are then hey...
Honestly I've missed your updates though... Let's finish this Cohen thing with style

Soleil xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Tes]

MMeyes you are lucky you shed that Deviation so quick. I did it once snd it took over a week. I have to put leftovers in the bin or ill eat the bowl clean if its my fav dinner. I wish i was in the 60's im sitting in the lower end of 70 and it wont budge! So frustrating! Good luck with next week!

[mesmer_eyes]

Hello Hello Cohenites!

Its been ages! I noticed that the diaries section is extremely quiet compared to 2 years ago. I look at my own diary and Im amazed on how well I've kept it up and the support and rapport online that I received from the girls. I surely bet it helped me then.

I've been on a new plan for 7 days now and I've decided its time to write again here. Although I've been writing on my own blog, just coz I like it

For those people who are contemplating on taking on another plan, I suggest that you do specially if you are really, really struggling to get back on this freaking bus! Trust me, I've been trying to make my old plan work for me, it didn't really succeed. My cravings matched with my excuses really got the best of me.

To update, I've been deviation free, well almost, on day 1 I ate my dinner at 10pm. Im still having some cravings, but it is way more manageable than the many attempts I did using my old plan. Maybe its the thought in my head that its a new plan and it should work, or that I don't want to waste the money I paid for the new plan (using online site), or maybe Im just determined again this time, bottom line is, it seems to be working for me this time around.

My portions are totally different from the 1st plan. But the guidebook stayed the same.

Overall, Im happy that I chose to get a new plan in spite of the pinch in the pocket. Hopefully, Im wiser this time too to finish RF.

Good luck everyone! Lets do this!

[Soleil]

Hello there lovely lady!!

As soon as I saw you here I went to follow your blog again

I look forward to following your journey to goal, new plan, you've so got this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Soleil xx

[mesmer_eyes]

@ Soleil: yes I feel so

----------------------------------

hello ladies!

Im on my 12th day and experienced a 3kg loss in the morning of Day 11 (that's after 10days). Its all good.

Im just 3 days of temping for this woman, my goodness she is just toxic! But im not allowing her to kill my buzz, but Im also not verrrrrry patient person as Im sure before I know it, Im already annoyed with her. She's just very particular and strict as if her life depends on every minute thing. I need this lady to like me though. whew.

That's all folks.. hope everyone is doing well.

[Bucklebunny]

Hi Mes - it certainly is quiet here these days!
You sound like you've found your groove. 3ks in 10 days is awesome.
Keep up the good work and keep posting !!!

[Soleil]

Brilliant Mesmereyes!!!!!!!

[mesmer_eyes]

Hello ladies!

Been clean for the past 14 days and deviated big time on Day 15 and 16. It was our anniversary and my bf had outdone himself this year. Wrote about it. It was beautiful. Of course I didn't want to deviate, I was fully ready to pack my own food and still enjoy it, but I have decided not to and enjoy it. Its not like he does this everyday.

Before I started deviating, I have accepted the fact that I will do this and I will have to suffer the consequences. Im living life and my weekend was beautiful.

Today is another day and it just started, woke up and gained 900gms and Im not even sorry for it.

I am in no way encouraging deviations by writing here. I have experienced the repercussions of deviating so many times that honestly it was never worth it. But this time, I think it is justified (for me). He was not sure that I will give in because he knows how strong I've been the past 2 weeks. But I decided to let it go for now and we both shared a lovely time together. We didn't eat junk (except for that desert) but I definitely ate out of plan. I even felt like my capacity has reduced.

Good day to all of you!

[Soleil]

During my long journey I've missed out on many beautiful events and meals for no reason as in I ended up quitting anyway. It is by long shot much better to enjoy your anniversary and continue the journey 100% after it if the end result is a finished program. Happy anniversary and you're probably hurting big time now to get thru the detox but you're back in the groove very soon!!

Soleil xx

[Bucklebunny]

Great Post Mes,
Let it go, move on and continue your journey !
I'm so glad you had a great time

[StrongerThanSheKnows]

Hey there Mes!
Thanks for opening up about your experiences!
I was just like you, I tried and tried to do it with my old plan but just kept falling off the wagon! Ugh!

I feel different this time too. Now that I paid and I've got a whole squad behind me (you guys, plus my family, and a couple friends) I feel like I'd let a lot of people down.

It also kind of feels like now or never for me. We want to have another baby and this is my last bit of time before I try and get pregnant.

My hubs and I have a big trip coming at the end of the month (right I after I finish my first 30 days). I keep going back and forth about staying on plan. I just fear that for me even one cheat will undo my resolve.

But its the first trip we've done in two years just the two of us, and it will probably be awhile before we get to go on another trip like this.

How do you feel? Was it worth it to go off for a weekend to celebrate a special time? Or do you wish you hadn't?

Thanks for the advice.

[mesmer_eyes]

@Soleil - thank you :* Im suffering a bit.. well not a bit just hungry all the time but Im still OP.
@Bucklebunny - thank you! there's no way to go about it but just keep doing it!

@STSK - That weekend for me is basically 1 full day of not eating on Cohen. I gained 900gms and as of today, I've lost 600gms only, plus I noticed that Im just hungry all the time since then. Im still on plan and my deviations are basically my food timings (I get to eat late because of work, if lunch is late then def dinner is late..).

But to be honest, Im not even sorry for it. Not one bit. It was a wonderful celebration. I was happy and very spoiled

The thing is, I wasn't even decided to deviate until I found out where we were going. While we were heading towards the property I was having this internal conversation in my head convincing myself that Im allowing this to happen and its ok PLUS promising myself that I will get back on track the next day. Doing that made me feel that I was in control of what will happen, I am not a victim of that circumstance, therefore it is my responsibility to keep my promise to myself.

How can you be sure you wont spiral out of control after your trip? I seriously don't know. Keep reminding yourself of your goal to have another baby..

How long is your trip?

I also have another trip coming in end of October, a wedding in Sri Lanka, Im already decided to deviate on the wedding day and the next day which is the travel back home, but Im also going to pack food for the day I fly and the day before the wedding, that is no excuse to deviate. It would be tempting though that I will miss out on the street food and other local things we might try, but that's ok. I will eat at the wedding.

That time, I should be very close to reefed. Its also a huge red flag for me because previously, I travelled when I was about to reach reefed (I think 3-5kgs to go to goal weight) and I didn't make it to reefed, I just couldn't reign it all in. So this time, mental preparation is key I suppose..

I hope that helps..

[Soleil]

Awesome post! Mental preparation, yes!!!!!

[StrongerThanSheKnows]

Hi Mesmer Eyes!
Thank you so much for that! I really appreciate you sharing your experience. I definitely think having my head right, is the most important thing. I still have a long way to go and I'm just getting started.

I think I'll bring my scale and weigh the food when we eat out. I know that its not perfect but it could at least reign in the damage and keep me used to the portions.

We are going for 4 days. I can bring my meals for the first day but after that it would be impossible to store and warm up. I want to really enjoy the time and not stress too much about this stuff.

The thing is, I think it might stress me more if I just tossed the plan for 4 whole days. Like, what is this going to look like when I get home, how much of my progress is lost. How is detox going to go? Will I be ultra hungry again for days?

You know what I mean?

Hopefully weighing restaurant food will still feel like a treat and not totally screw me up. I have the tendency to fall off the wagon and then go CRAZY. Like an eating spree. Its terrible. But my goals are clear and path to get them is clear. So hopefully it all goes according to plan.

Anyway, thank you so much for your help and listening to me while I sort through all these thoughts (on your thread...doh....sorry!)

Stronger Than She Knows