An outsider's thoughts on "You've lost enough!!"

[tiina121]

Great thread!
I have had comments like this already, and I have only lost 9.6kg (i have nearly 20 to go). I am only short too so this amount of extra weight is HEAPS! I realise people say this because they care about me, but I also see that it is because me being/staying big makes them feel better. Their perception of me is not fitting the reality. BUT I have been guilty of it myself but in reverse, I have been so used to seeing myself a certain way that when it starts to change i don't see it.

[Nance's big sister]

Hi everyone,

I am starting to get that comment now and with 18kgs still to go, I know I still need to lose weight.... let's face it, I see me naked!!!!!

For those work colleagues and friends that I am not ready to tell how much I originally had to lose, I am now saying "yes, my weight loss has slowed down now but it's an eight month program so I still have 3 months to get my insides healthy." That seems to work for them as I did originally tell everyone it will take approx 8 months. Fingers crossed it does.

And Koh, I agree with you about our faces, mine is small now with hardly any fat on it so that is what people see first (used to be my bum! ).

Have a good week everyone,
NBS x

[Ren]

People's perceptions are so often very wrong. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that people often see the person rather than the weight. I mean, with friends or people you know, you can tell whether or not they are overweight, but the actual amount they weigh or what they need to lose is fuzzier. Eg with one of my best friends - I would never have considered her particularly overweight, but she recently told me she weighs around 85kg and is planning on going on Cohen's in the middle of the year. I would have pegged her at around 75kg max. And in my own experience, I have people saying to me "Wow, you look great" followed by "you must be more than half way now" when they find out how much i have lost. The reality is that I am no where near half way (the ticker below is just my first goal), and I thought that people were just being polite until I overheard a couple of the ladies at work talking about it in the lunchroom (they didn't know I could hear, so they were more likely to be being truthful!). Also, one of my friends who is also doing Cohen's has been told over and over and over by many different people that her goal weight of 59kgs is just ridiculous as she has a large bone structure and that she would look fine at 70-75kgs. I guess I find it difficult to listen to those conversations, as, while I am quite determined to get to my goal weight, she doesn't have a lot of confidence in herself and takes a lot to heart. And although people are well meaning, its not very supportive for those who haven't gained confidence in the program yet (IMHO).

[Kohinoor]

Hi Ren,

I think it has a lot to do with the fact that people often see the person rather than the weight.

From my point of view, you are SO right !!! Yes, I can identify that some friends might be "overweight", or more, but, unless they told me, I'd have NO idea just how overweight they might be. It is, indeed, real "fuzzy" as an observer. Scales are required for you all to see "how you're travelling" - on a day by day basis, but I'd have NO idea of someone who might be on Cohens, just by looking day by day..... until..

Of course, a sudden change of clothes, or a long break between meetings, and I'd have SOME chance of noticing and saying "Hey, you've lost some weight! And don't you look good!"

As always, YOU (not you, Ren, but all on the diet, and looking for positive affirmation) might be being too hard on the rest of us who DON'T KNOW you are doing it. There comes a time when it becomes obvious to all - depending on your starting point, it might be just 10Kgs - but it might not be till 20Kgs or even later.

Just remember, YOU all have the scales and the tape measure - all we have is our eyes..... and, yep, they can be real fuzzy (so, don't feel bad if we don't notice when you think we should...)


Sooner or later it becomes obvious (a bit like pregnancy?) - then there's no mistaking it.... prior to that, I (and most others?) am often struggling to notice those changes. New clothes tell us the best (smaller sizes tell no lies - specially if you choose them in "look at me" colours )

Of course, the change in attitude can be even MORE indicative of a lifestyle change. THAT can help us immensely to identify, and comment on, your successes,

Koh

[Ren]

Lol, you are right, often we are hard on people when we think that they should notice something and they dont (everything from weightloss to a new haircut). I wasnt meaning to have a stab at anyone - I just meant that its interesting that people often see things so differently, and in my case it would seem that people think that I have a lot less to loose than i actually do...which is by no means a complaint, but I noted it because its the difference between perception and reality.

[Kohinoor]

3 months on.... must be time for a bump (for the new readers)

Koh

[Doing it for ME]

Koh,

Bump away!
This is a great thread!
I'm no where near having someone say enough is enough, but I know it will happen.
My goal weight is lighter than I was when I was 18, and lighter than my very slender sister, so I'm expecting them to make some comments.
It will be interesting to see how I cope with that, and i'll come back here and post when it does!

[FlaMie]

Yea, absolutely agree that people's perceptions are different because they can see the changes. I gather sometimes people are saying things because they have nothing else better to say? :P Take for example, I've lost like close to 17kg with another 16kg (that's like another half of the journey to go for me) and people are telling me, I should just lose a little bit more to be perfect...I was like A BIT?! If I were to consider the lower end of the goal range, then it'll be 19kg! That's not a bit to me, gosh, that's a mammoth figure! I must thank my parents for the curves whenever I lsoe weight... so these people don't quite see the REAL AMOUNT I've to lose...HAIZ!

[Jenna]

I am so far away from my goal but I have already been told that 71 (the HIGHEST end of my Cohen's range) is WAY too thin for me because I am tall, but they really have no idea.

63-79 is my healthy weight range according to WW.

I tell them that my body isn't going to let me get too skinny - it will let me know when it's time to start eating more. Like others have said, I think that the people who tell me I am getting too skinny are going to be the ones that are overweight themselves and they don't want to see me getting thin and healthy.

[carrieanne_c]

Please let somebody, anybody tell me that I am too thin!! heehee

[sundaymorningstaple]

Originally Posted by carrieanne_c

Please let somebody, anybody tell me that I am too thin!! heehee

Stay the course at 100% and I guarantee it will happen. Sure as dog made little green apples! It's a foregone! At slightly over 11 since I've finished I've still got people who tell me I'm too skinny now.

[Imfef]

Had my first "you should stop now" comment today rom a colleague!

I am wearing a new black shirt (christmas present but never worn) which does make me look rather thin - I was amazed when i looked in the mirror this morning. Having said that, only I know (and the wife) what I look like naked - well actually you lot have seen me in shorts and will probably agree that I do need to lose that final 6.5 kg. It may be hard to tell until I've managed to tone up the soft girth. But I'm definitely aiming for Cohen's goal. After I get back from holiday and depending on how I feel, I may even decide to go for my lower Cohen's goal range.

[Hayley23]

I'm glad we have this thread.

For me personally, theres been a reasonable number of people that have put their 2 cents where its not really wanted. Its simple really - if you can't say anything nice then don't open your mouth?!

I was having coffee with one of my oldest and dearest friends recently who I had not seen in quite sometime. I think she wondered why I ordered a half strength americano with decaf as apposed to my usual cappaccino so I proceeded to tell her that I had lost over 10kg in 10 weeks she immediately cut me off with a very abrupt "thats so unhealthy". This is just one occassion of such opinions. It really grinds my gears that people don't bother to hear exactly what Cohen's is before releasing a spitfire of negative comments. Many of my friends wouldnt even have a clue what PCOS is far less understand the battle that it has caused me with my weight. Of course I was quick to mention I was off my undesireable insulin sensitizing medication for the first time in a while which shut her up pretty smartly.

My own sister, who knows the battle I've had over the last 3 years has only had negative things to say regarding my weight loss. Its ironic as she also suffers from PCOS, but not to the degree I do. My father's exact words were "well it should bloody work for the money you paid". To me this kind of talk is just toxic and not needed.

There have been people, however, that have been nothing but encouraging throughout my journey so far, namely my mother and my closest friend. In situations like this, I believe people show us more about who THEY are then who we are. Those with only negative imput really don't realise just how transparent they really are.

For some of us, having support and encouragement may just make or break our dedication to Cohen's. After all, if losing weight was easy, wouldn't everyone be slim?

[Kohinoor]

Hi Hayley,

Geez, you really painted a picture for us :-

I proceeded to tell her that I had lost over 10kg in 10 weeks she immediately cut me off with a very abrupt "thats so unhealthy".

Who says? I wonder where people get this from... Do they think it's better to only lose 15Kg per year ? Why? What makes them say this?

I was quick to mention I was off my undesireable insulin sensitizing medication for the first time in a while which shut her up pretty smartly.

I just want to say Woohoo for you being off those medications, Hayley. Way to go, girl !! PCOS or not, you are surging on through, and will reach your goal despite it. That's a first in itself, isn't it? How cool !!!

In situations like this, I believe people show us more about who THEY are then who we are.

You are one smart lady, Hayley - and absolutely right with that statement !! Such a shame that some of those closest to you have shown themselves up in that way. Still, I suspect you are also smart enough to allow their comments to "go through to the keeper" - and perhaps even be able to forgive them, and let it go....


Many thanks for your input on this thread. As always, it's different strokes for different folks - as long as you are the winners, it doesn't matter too much, eh? And you, Hayley, are sounding VERY MUCH like a winner.

Rock on, girl - not far to go now, you wee champ

Koh

[carrieanne_c]

I thought that 1k-2.2 pounds a week was like the super safe way to lose weight- when did that rate become too unhealthy. the neice of my consultan was at a party I went to last night and she is also a former coworker and she knows all my trials and tribs- when I was doing atkins, running half marathons, when i fell of the atkins wagon, broke my leg(not falling off the wagon but down some stairs), when she-was selling me herbalife-hated that plan. So any how, at this party last night she is like "well, you could have a little bit of the party food-and some beer and wine it is just one day"- Is she whacked? anyway I didn't stay at the party long because I was a cranky pants,p-m-s-ing, and just ate a few veggies while i was there to be social-everything else was baddy. Oh, and I know there is a thread for the next comment but I can't find it right now. There were skinnies there not eating-- drinking white wine spritzers, and NOBODY was telling them to try the food, eat the food , did they want food beer,etc. someone I didn't even know said "what are you on a diet or something?" - Why is it that skinny people can say "oh know, I have stomach ache I'm not gonna eat anything" and that is the end of it,
but others get nagged until they are forced to eat Twinkies in front of a mob. I wonder if when you are converted skinny if you get the same treatment or if whenever you put something into your mouth or pop a beer can open, those who know you, think "sad, there she goes fallin of the wagon, some people just can't be helped". sorry for the disorganised thoughts and poor grammar but I think I am a little bit out of alignment this morning. = Oh here is an oldy but a goody-- How do you make a hormone? Answer= Don't pay her.

[Hayley23]

Thanks for all those kind words and encouragement Koh. It's funny that sometimes strangers offer more 'warmth' then those closest to us.

Carrieanne, if you happen to come up against someone nagging you o eat badly or drink beer just tell them "I'm fine thanks, I'll eat when I'm hungry." Personally the mind boggles as to why some people are so insistent we stuff our faces with junk. Perhaps it lightens their guilt load?

[carrieanne_c]

ok , Hayley I will give them the benefit of the doubt.

[Kohinoor]

Well, after 3 months hiding in a corner, maybe it's time for this thread to become "front and centre" again.

Have YOU had those comments ("You've lost enough - stop now")? If so, do tell us all about it.....

Koh

[firefox]

I haven't had that yet, maybe because I live in a country where it is like a crime against society to have a BMI that is 0.1 over the healthy range. But I do get comments that I should consider stopping at 70, instead of going down to my target 65. I figure I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

I do get pitying looks at my meals from some people however, because Indian vegetarian food tends to be pretty starchy with lots of rice, and my food looks so different. I have to say, though, that the people who see me eat, day in and day out, are my husband and kids, who are very suppportive and accepting of the programme, and that makes all the difference in the world.

I feel really bad for some of you who don't get that kind of support- I just want to say that you can feel confident that you ARE on a healthy programme, and you don't need anyone else (who has no idea what the programme is about) to make you doubt that. I like what Kohinoor said some time back about the fact that some people may just not really know much about the programme, while others get tired of hearing about it. This is why I make sure that I tell anyone who comments on my weight loss about it, and then I just change the subject- "Oh but YOU are looking great too! Is that a new outfit?"

[Gabey]

I am pleased I hopped on this morning and saw this bumped thread - thanks Kohinoor! I have had comments from others, but to be honest, the real battle has been with myself.

My Dad asks me each week I see him - how much have you lost now? After 30 kg loss he started saying, well I think you can stop now. People at work and friends have been so encouraging - except for the ones carrying a bit of weight themselves - there's been "Are you STILL doing this diet?" "you don't want to look scrawny" and "its unhealthy to lose that much that fast... without exercising". I walk away and think, I control what I put in my mouth. If I want to stay on this to goal, have re-feed and complete the re-balance of my hormones, then dammit I will. Its nobody else's business and nobody else's health, well being and appearance that is affected.

So I am @10kg above the upper limit of my goal weight and for the last month my weight loss has really slowed but it is still creeping down. As I travel the guilt/ back patting cycle of the scales each week, the mad monkey mind is getting up to old tricks and I ask myself - Really how much longer do I need to do this?.. you are fitting into Size 10s now you started the year buying Size 20s, you can wear sleeveless tops, you are looking pretty damn good... maybe just stop now? Time to get back to real life?

Then yesterday I went shopping for more new clothes (which is such a mixed pleasure- the credit card maxxed out) and I walked into Jigsaw which has been a personal goal from years back - Jigsaw is very tailored clothing brand, I wanted to walk into that store and pick anything up off the rack to try on and have it fit. well, I DID IT. I also had the thrill of the saleslady saying "you look like you would be a size 10" and dammit I WAS!

Coming home after that experience (with new purchases), I realised I want to wear these fabulous new clothes for a long time and feel comfortable in them. If I stop now, I won't complete the re-balance and won't have any room to move in these new clothes. It was something so simple as knowing I look great - I think this, I accept this and I have fallen in love with my body. This is quite a revelation after years of neglect and contempt. I want to take care of it as best I can. There is no returning to "real life" as I am in it now. This is my life with my new cherished best friend, my body.

So when people or my own mad monkey mind says, you've lost enough now, stop... I will think about that stunning Size 10 skirt and how great I felt in it and reply- Its only just begun!

Gabey