LouLou's Diary

[LessisMore]

It sounds like you've got a whole lot of change going on at once - in you, in what you do, and in work and the world around you. Added to that you've got a few things making you feel different - what you eat (and I've battled the same thing with this diet in social situations), how you feel about the new building, when you work. I hope the walk on the beach helps you settle back into yourself and move the the flow again

LiM

[shell]

Hi Lou Lou,
We all go through the wanting to be "normal" with the eating.
But in being here, we are not able to eat "normal".
That is why we are here

It is only a short period of inconvenience, so we can be healthier for the rest of our lives!
Don't give up or in, you can be strong enough to get through this.
Tomorrow is another day & I hope you feel stronger

Hope your walk helped put things into perspective for you.
Have a great day
Shell

[Annabelle Joy]

Oh, LouLou, I do hope the walk has helped you. I understand how you feel about the dinner, I have a couple of events coming up and wish I could join in with everyone else. Just remember, you are doing something that's going to change you and your life forever. In exchange, you are giving up a few months of being able to live like everyone else. Remember, you are on a special diet. The reasons aren't important, no need to feel isolated about it. Would it matter to you when you were eating like everyone else is someone was on a special diet? Would you feel they were not part of the group?

More importantly, you have commenced shedding yourself of the layers of protection (fat) that you have had covering you. This is making you feel more vulnerable and exposed, and external things are now more threatening to you. Your new environment doesn't have the comfortable feel that you need right now, so it's contributing to your feelings of alienation and exposure. Subconsciously, you want the fat back to protect you. Be strong, don't let it creep back.

I see shell has posted along similar lines while I was typing.

Hugs

AJ

[shrinking_moi]

Great loss Lou Lou. I found myself a new crutch...clothes shopping...hehe.
Sorry your feeling this way but i reckon it will pass for you.
X
Ez

[lucylou]

Does anyone else feel angry when doing Cohen's? I know I'm still in detox and that I'll be all over the place for the next few weeks but this morning I was furious that I had to be doing this, I was so angry with myself for committing myself to Cohen's and even more so that I'm doing the deviation free challenge. Mad mad mad!

However I am deviation free and super aware that I'm used to putting things in my mouth without even thinking. My 8 year old niece comes to stay every second weekend, I've been helping to look after her ever since she was one, she's a great kid. This morning we were cutting up fruit for the dehydrator, she loves dried pineapple and dried banana. She was sampling as we went and I had to stop myself a couple of times. And then I thought "This is crazy! What the hell is wrong with pineapple and banana!!!" But still I didn't eat any.

The great thing about emotions is that they pass, they change like the weather, the only time they might stick around longer than I'd like is if I act on them, so I didn't. And this afternoon I feel OK. We've been to the beach, we played games, we went for a swim and now we're sitting on the couch, she's watching a DVD and I'm here where i get the help and understanding I need.

Tonight I'm going to make that delicious sounding chicken schnitzel with the mashed cauliflower that AJ describes so wonderfully and another day deviation free will have passed. I will wake up tomorrow morning happy and free. One day at a time. I think today I realised what a long road this is going to be and then I said to myself "It's only for now, it's not forever, just breathe."

On Monday I will tell my boss I can't eat anything at the swanky restaurant on Thursday, I'll eat before I go and guts myself on mineral water instead.

I'm still feeling dizzy a lot of the time, my blood pressure tends to be low anyway so I guess it must be lower than that at the moment.

And now I'm off to visit some of you wonderful people in your diaries, I find such help there, I am getting addicted to tis forum.

love

Loulou

[Butterfly_girl]

Hey LouLou,

I've only just had a chance to catch up on your diary - and I'm really identifying with so much of what you've written.
To be honest, yes, I've gone through moments of just being plain frustrated and angry that I'm on the program, and am not "normal", and can't 'enjoy' what everyone else is enjoying. But here's what I've worked out - "If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got"... being overweight was soul destroying for me - yes, I could socialise and eat whatever I liked, but I wasn't happy - far from it! I choose now to be healthier, put my long term health and mental well being first, and when you view it in that perspective, I've found the anger disappears somewhat and is replaced by a far more healthier determination. In a way, I'm really glad that you're able to be so introspective this early into your journey - getting your thinking right is half the battle here! You really are doing incredibly well LouLou. Take it a day at a time, a thought or emotion at a time. You're going to emerge on the other side not just a gorgeous woman on the outside, but on the inside too!

[shrinking_moi]

Lou Lou, I really think the anger will pass. You'll start getting some fabulous results and be so so happy that you joined Cohen's.
All the best.
X
Ez

[lucylou]

Another day, another morning when I woke up so grateful I hadn't deviated, that I'm eating well and looking after myself. Only a few weeks ago I woke up feeling as though I'd poisoned myself with all the sugar I had stuffed down my throat the night before. So I'm back to feeling thankful today. Hooray. Just had a fab lunch Peter's Stuffed Mushrooms to Die For, check them out on the recipes thread and this afternoon I'm going to have a Cohen's Cook Up to restock the freezer.

I know I'm going through withdrawal from sugar and withdrawal from all the behaviour that goes with being a sugar addict so the mood swings are going to be around for a while. Luckily the type of meditation I do is designed for mere mortals and it's all about observing my feelings and learning not to react to them, remaining detached and letting them pass which they will. Everything is impermanent, everything changes sometimes quickly sometimes slowly but it will always change. Gotta love that impermanence, if you don't you'll be a very miserable puppy.

The Hubby and I were watching an episode of the West Wing last night. He was sitting next to me eating chocolate self saucing pudding and it didn't phase me at all. But that's not the point of this story, this is...in the episode Leo (the recovering alcoholic) tells a story to Josh, who's suffering from traumatic stress disorder, a story and I wanted to share it with you because it sums up this forum for me.

One night a woman fell in a hole (Well Leo said man but I'm using artistic licence here!). It was a very deep hole with steep sides and the woman couldn't get out no matter how hard she tried.
A doctor walked passed and heard the woman cry, "Hey I'm down in this hole can you help me out?" The doctor wrote the woman a prescription, dropped it into the hole and kept walking.
Next a priest walked by the hole and the woman cried out, "Hey I'm down here in this hole and I can't get out can you help me please?" The priest wrote down a prayer dropped it into the hole, muttered a Hail Mary and walked on.
Then a friend of the woman walked by and the woman cried out,"Hello there I'm stuck in this hole can you help me?" So the friend jumps into the hole with the woman and the woman says, "What did you do that for? Now we're both stuck in this hole!"
"Ah," answers the friend. "But I've been down in this hole before and I know the way out."

Here we are helping each other out of a hole, those who've been here before can show us the way out and then we in turn can help others get out. I can't do this on my own. That's why I'm here.

Much love

Loulou

[shell]

Hi Lou Lou,
Great post, very inspirational and exactly what this forum does, and is all about!
Sounds like you are doing great
Have a great day
Shell

[Stoddy]

Hit the nail on the head there LouLou

Sums this forum up perfectly

[enough!]

Hi there LouLou,

Thought Id drop by and introduce myself,
I saw you in someone else's diary and saw your ticker was about the same as mine.
Then you said something about being a sugar addict and I thought mmmm I will pop over and get to know this lady.

So glad I did as I think everything you said I can relate to.
I am yet to start (next Monday) but thanks to being here and trying to get my head ready for this big change I have already uncovered some emotional stuff. It sort of surprised me.

Its also weird that this morning before I logged on I had this weird realisation that I want/need to learn meditation and wondered where to get Cd's or the like to teach and guide you. Then I read your diary and see that it has been something to help you. I soooo need to learn not to act on my feelings as you put it.

Originally Posted by lucylou

Luckily the type of meditation I do is designed for mere mortals and it's all about observing my feelings and learning not to react to them, remaining detached and letting them pass which they will.

So there you have it, you didn't even realise it but you have already jumped down into my hole with me and are helping show me the way out while you are still learning your way out. did that make sense y'knw what I mean!

I'm sure I'll be visiting soon. I would love 4kg loss in my first week! good luck for week 2.
cheers
Kate

[lucylou]

Week 2 Day 5

The end of another non-deviant day!

I realised today that I hardly get the headaches anymore, so if I jump in that hole with someone in the future I can tell them the headaches finally let up after about a week and a half. I still get a bit dizzy from time to time.

The other thing is that it's true what I was told by others who've been in the hole before, the hunger goes, I'm hardly ever hungry anymore. However even though my first 10 days are over I think I'll still be eating my fruit and crackers.

Another thing I'm happy about are the old BMs. I was terrified of constipation because I've copped a lot of it in the past, especially when all I ate was chocolate! I think I asked my consultant three times what kind of laxatives we're allowed to use. But no problems in that area so far. I do eat a lot of spinach and silverbeet and I think that might help.

And drinking 3 litres of water a day is a breeze for this water guzzler.

So apart from the fact that I burst into tears this morning for no apparent reason and then just as suddenly stopped is no cause for alarm, it's all part of the process of change.

love

LL

[Ecogirl]

Hi LL
You are an amazing woman who is doing amazing things in your life. How exciting that you lost 4kg in a week - yeah for you!!!!!!

Do you have a link to the type of meditation you do? I'm always looking for different ways to meditate and I'm interested in knowing more about yours. Any info would be great.

Have a lovely day - and I really loved the story.
Cheers
Amanda

[Annabelle Joy]

I had a really emotional time at a funeral, LouLou. The daughter of the deceased was comforting me, instead of the reverse. Seems that being a bit teary at times hits some of us during the diet. Glad the other problems are better or improving.

AJ

[lucylou]

I just wrote a big entry and lost the whole thing. I'm having trouble with this new forum so I'm just going to see if this works.

LL

[lucylou]

Hooray!!!

OK so let me start again, I feel as though I've been well and truly techno-rogered today by this new forum, and I can't upload a new avatar, plus my favourite "cheer" icon is gone, plus I couldn't log on before and then I've been too busy to have the time to work it all out.
Great now that's out of my system!

WEEK 3 DAY 1

1.3 KG weight loss in the second week. Not as dramatic or exciting as last week but it means I'm now the lightest I've been for the last 2 years and that I'm 10kg lighter than my heaviest weight. I went to the hairdresser on Tuesday and she noticed that I'd lost weight.
I got through dinner last night but I know this is a danger time for me, I've been a good girl so i want a reward (which has always been food in the past) or I get resentful because I didn't get to eat anything at the swanky restaurant last night and when I'm resentful I want to eat. So I need to be very vigilant over the next few days and today especially because I'm tired.

Ecogirl- put Vipassana into your search engine and you'll find out about the type of meditation I do, add Pomona and you'll get to the site of the centre I go to. I was there last night, I meditated before the work dinner to help me through.

Luckily I have an easy day at work today after all the fuss of the last few days. I just want to curl up in a ball and make the world disappear, but it has been pretty full on recently at work and my hubby has been sick.

One day at a time

love

Loulou

[enough!]

Loulou, you’re doing so well, when you get these feelings you should look at that ticker! Put one on the fridge, I’m inspired by it for such a short time.

Have you got the extra energy yet? Sounds like your tired, how many vitamins do you take a day. My consultant told me yesterday that if I m doing a lot of study or fun down, I can take 3 of each instead of 2. Don’t know if that’s for everyone.

Your doing wonderfully well. I’m going to check out the meditation. Thanks for the link.

Cheers Kate

[shell]

Follow this link, this will help you

http://newyouforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=5215
Shell

[Annabelle Joy]

Good on you for managing the dinner, LouLou. This diet's is neither easy nor fun on occasions like that. I think most of us want to eat when we get bored, or tired, or stressed, or ... That's part of the reason we got like we did.

AJ

[lucylou]

As you can see I have the smilies back, thanks Shell, I'm very happy about that, and I think I'm in the right time zone now thanks to Ko however I'm still 106 years old and feeling remarkably good for my age

Yesterday I started trying on some of my old clothes and wore a pair of trousers I haven't worn for two years, they were a little tight but not too bad, I was comfortable in them at work all day. This is exciting. I have a wardrobe full of clothes I haven't been able to fit into for years and I'm looking forward to putting them all back into action. I'm also looking forward to getting rid of my fat clothes. I've already given away one shirt and a pair of trousers, both those pieces of clothing made me feel depressed when ever I had to wear them, they were soooo big.

This morning when I was meditating I was thinking about the things that are most important to me and I realised that my relationship with myself is the most important of all, if my relationship with myself isn't right then everything else in my life stands very little chance of happiness or success.
To maintain and foster a great relationship with myself I need to meditate and follow this eating plan, self care, self respect, self love. I need to look after myself first, respect my needs. My relationship with others comes next in importance and those relationships will flourish once my relationship with me is solid. After that comes my work, which is amazing for me, I used to be a confirmed workaholic, work was my life, was everything and my health suffered dreadfully as a result.

So here I am getting healthier in mind and body and grateful to this forum.

Today I have the entire day off to do whatever I please, I don't have to drive anywhere which is an absolute luxury for someone who spends 2 hours commuting every working day (it's worth it to get back to the beach).

I hope you have a wonderful day

love

Loulou