Faithy's Diary

[SassyK]

Big, big hugs to you Faithy.

I'm so sorry to hear you're not feeling like your normal bubbly self. I can totally understand where you're coming from. Getting to goal would be all I could focus on in your position... some days it's all I can focus on too. There are some days I just can't seem to concentrate at the moment and I've lost my drive and motivation at work. I used to get a lot of my personal satisfaction from being good at what I do and striving to be even better. Now I've lost that spark, because I'm more focussed on getting my satisfaction elsewhere - like feeling better about myself and personal relationships. Work and being a success in my career just doesn't seem as important to me at the moment.

Don't ever think you are letting anyone down... you are the furthest thing from a failure I have ever met...

You have to take the time to look after yourself and do what's right for you. YOU are what is important now... you need to put yourself first... everything else will sort itself out when you know you are doing what's best for you.

Like your little motto under your avatar says "If I'm honest with myself I can't fail"...

Big hugs.

[ropemaha]

hi faithy,

my view is this....you have prioritised yourself for nearly a year, but your not finished yet and you know it.....you said it yourself, 2 months to soon.....prioritise yourself till your finished faithy and just fit anything else around that....its not self sabotage, you are way beyond that....its just poor timing. no big deal faithy, i imagine you feel as though it is but its not, its just a matter of not putting to much on your plate at the moment, pardon the pun

in my opinion, you have gone for 12 months without self sabotaging, you have exorcised that demon well and truly mate.....dont be afraid of it anymore cause you dont need to be....what you need to be afraid of is putting unrealistic expectations on yourself, its still one step at a time faithy. you have clearly used this philosophy for the last year with great results....so why change it now?

pen

[Tuti]

Hi Faithy,

Sorry to hear you are having a hard time.

Being so close to refeed and being hungry all the time might be the reason you are not coping. I think I read in your diary that the boss offered you the job after you told her about your fantastic effort on Cohens and you thought that might have been one of the reasons why she offered you the job in the first place. Maybe you could explain to her how important it is to finish this diet and refeed.

It seems a lot of people feel mentally jaded when they are close to their goal weight and you have a big load on your plate with your new job ie long hours and responsibility.. I'm sure you would probably breeze through this under normal circumstances but probably just right now it is physically and mentally hard.

I had a job once which was incredibly tough and I didn't have the skills and knowledge initially to do the job. It took me a year to really feel comfortable and confident in what I was doing. I felt the same as you do now and it was awful. But it will pass.

Look after yourself Faithy and the rest will come..

Cheers

tuti

[lj]

Hi Faithy

I agree with everyone else on this one

Give yourself time AND BREATHE!

You cannot take on a new position and expect to just breeze through. Take this on as another new challenge.

Just think in 6 months time you will wonder what you were worrying about.

Hugs to you

LJ

[FotoHijinx]

Ahh my Faithy Girl - I'm so sorry you are feeling this bad - this is not what I want for my girl.

Lots of people have given you some great advice. Mine would be to talk to your boss and tell her exactly whats going on with everything. You have to be ready for this challenge - and a new position is always a big challenge in the beginning. More than likely you'll be able to work through it but you do have to give yourself a break and not be too hard on yourself either. Perhaps write down whats making it so challenging and perhaps you'll be able to deal with them individually. It could be that you might have to take the part time work just until you are finished with refeed and then you can give the job what it needs to get it done.

Its good to get outside perspective - brings up things you might not have thought of which will all help towards solving this.

Biggest hugs to you Faithy Girl We are all on your side

cheers
Irene

[shrinking_moi]

Faithy, you are amazing. Look at your drive to lose the weight...all of it? Look at yourself now in the mirror and see the strong, beautiful woman that you are.
What is this doesn't last and you give up your position that you deserve?
Big hugs to you and everyone is allowed to crumble at times (and we do) but don't feel liek a failure because you are far from it hun.
X
Ez

[drexyl]

Hey Faithy,

I just LOVED your post from Friday, it was so true & honest & I really 'got' what you were saying! Today is day 7 of DF for me & I'm using you as motivation to keep me honest, so thank you Faithy!

It's sad to think you've gone from being so positive to so low today. I agree with everyone, don't be so hard on yourself. Irene was right about you talking to your boss, lucky she's a woman, she might be more understanding to your dilemma. As you would know, things happen for a reason & whatever's meant to be will be. So don't sweat it lovely, things will turn out for the best, you'll see!

Much love to you

Cya from me xo

[Pudge]

Yes you are a loser.....Look at the scales girlfriend. You have come so far with getting the weight off there is no way you can consider yourself a loser.
If taking a step down is what you think you need to do now then do it. Don't worry about what anyone thinks it's not them doing this diet it is you. There will always be another better job to come along.
Good luck
pudge

[robbie]

Dear Faithy,

I hadn't visited your diary for ages - a brief but hideous test on you and your confidence.

The timing certainly sucks - I'd use all the support from friends and this forum you can to get you through,
because we know you are a stayer. Often a phone call or talking it thru with a mate can make it easier.

What ever decision you make it will be right. Lets get you onto the refeed and get some of these choices behind you.

Thinking of you - Robbie

[Faithy]

Thanks so much EVERYONE... all your responses have just been amazing & I cherish you all so much for taking the time to read AND to comment..

There is no doubting that I'm way over tired and way over emotional at the moment.. so hence the decision I have made, which wasn't easy.. but for now it feels right..

I spoke to my boss this morning.. which was difficult because I knew full well the how much work she has already done for me training me & moving things & people around so she could train me in 'my' store.. I also knew that once I told her my decision either they would say no, or she'd have to change things around AGAIN..

So I asked for the permanent part time position.. I told her again the reasons why.. I said that to be fair not only to myself, but also to the company that for now I just don't have the strength for such an important role..
Her response was just wonderful so all she then had to do was convince her boss, the lady that hired me in the first place..

They both agreed that I was too good to let go.. that perhaps once my diet has been completed in full & if there is a management position available, that I would be perfect.. They recognise how important this program is for me to finish & that that is why I am so up & down at the moment..

I appreciate this more than anyone could know.. I still feel like a complete & utter twit.. but I feel more at ease with my choice & once everything around me has settled I know I'll have a clearer picture..

Over the weekend I felt so vulnerable & weak.. My spirit wants to take on the world, but the rest of me just isn't quite ready yet.. I feel comfortable knowing that I haven't totally let this opportunity slip out from my fingers that at some stage, when I am ready the right position in the right store will be available to me..

This, however I believe, is NOT my calling.. perhaps this too is the cause of some struggle for me.. but for today I will deal with one issue at a time..

Next is to get my re-feed under way.. then we'll take the next step

Bless you all for being so loving & caring & for your concern for me .. I hope that I can share & offer you all the same encouragement along the way if & when you ever need it..

[Kelly123]

Hi Faithy

I have really enjoyed reading your diary and can totally relate to your situation. You've made the right decision and I'm sure things will settle down again soon. I'm really looking forward to watching your progress and also your start on refeed. Keep it up and CONGRATUALTIONS

Regards Kelly

[bruni]

Congrats Faithy..you have to do what is best for you, once you have settled - the world is your oyster

Wow 2.4 to go you've made it before your birthday..

Love jules

[Annabelle Joy]

Faithy.

Seems like you are physically not ready for a position like that just yet. You can't do the impossible (although most here would agree that you are pretty close to being able). Accept that the position is not for you right now, and that something suitable will come along for you when you are ready for it.

I was interested to read that you can't stop weeping. I was at a funeral today and the tears just kept coming, before, during and after in all sorts of situations that had nothing to do with death.

AJ

[Kohinoor]

Hi Faithy girl,

I hope that I can share & offer you all the same encouragement along the way if & when you ever need it..

You so must be kidding - you HAVE ALREADY been doing this for months, encouraging and inspiring others - the help offered back to you was your own karma coming right back around to support you, as you have supported and inspired so many already. Faithy, I'm glad so many have stepped in - you are SO deserving of this support.

It's good to see that your Manager is cutting you a bit of slack - good employees are hard to find, so they will be endeavouring to help you through this. All that needs to happen now, is for you to cut YOU a bit of slack.

You're currently going through that "end of journey" thing (almost like grieving, if you think about it....) You are so close to being "on your own" again with the meals. And that (I would think) could be downright SCAREY !! But.......


....the really good thing (that you never had before Cohens) is that you have shown yourself that you CAN have dominion over your body - and that you CAN nurture it, and keep it healthy into the future. What a blessing, and a fillip, that must be.

And, if you ever got "off track" for a wee while, well hey, you know that you can just get back on track and return to the Faithy that is today - and NEVER have to return to the Faithy that was for so long. You KNOW that you know too, eh? And that makes a big difference.

Girl, I'm sure you will soon be out of this scarey time - and can look forward to a happy healthy future. In short, you've already WON - it just needs a couple more short weeks for the result to be posted.

Big hug, and caring thoughts - but do cut yourself some slack - you SO deserve some right now. It will all turn out right for you

Koh

[Faithy]

Thank you SOOO much... & Koh, well again you just make me feel so incredibly wonderful LOL.. how dare you :P..
I'm feeling heaps better this evening & in a LARGE part is to do with all you Guys.. I'll admit that you guys were the first for me to reach too for support & that to me speaks volumes...

XXX

Well I emailed my consultant this afternoon.. & well she's gotten back to me already & said YES!!! I am most definitely ready for re-feed as far as she is concerned so she's ordered it already.. now I just have to sit & wait..
I hope I can hang in there for the last 2 kilos, but the way I'm feeling right now I dont really care.. I'm already a winner.. 88 kilos down now & smaller than I ever could have dreamed of.. I think size 8 to 10 for my height is pretty awesome :P..

Here's a lil pic of me today.. I'll post more in my diary section..

[pandora]

Wow Faithy, you truly are gorgeous my girl and lookin hot and ready for refeed NOW! And as for all that stuff and tears about "the job" - the old saying

"every cloud has a silver lining" rings true - on one hand a dilemna but then blessings in disguise, your still working their AND no doubt an even better and more timely management position beckons in the not too distant future - AFTER REFEED! How exciting darling angel!

[Stephanately]

Wow Faithy.... you look absolutely amazing!!!

[Kohinoor]

Originally Posted by Faithy

well she's gotten back to me already & said YES!!! I am most definitely ready for re-feed as far as she is concerned so she's ordered it already..

Woohooo !!! Now all you need to do is "Hurry up and wait !!!" :P


That is SUCH good news - and you are looking awesome there - "a lil pic of a lil gal" (a year ago, who'd a thunk it, eh?)

And all in time for your birthday too (likely with weeks to spare...)


I AM [size=20pt]SO BLOODY HAPPY FOR YOU FAITHY !!!!! YOU ROCK ..... [/size]


Looking forward to those GRAND FINALE photos - can't be long now !!!

C

Koh

[ConnieK..]

Hey Miss Faithy,

When I saw your post I had tears in my eyes ........ you are the most amazing woman!

You have been so strong and determined and full of positive energy and now you have reached the second leg of the journey.

I do not know you in person... but I am extremely proud to know you on here my friend and I am so glad you have turned the focus back onto you, as everyone here said it's all about you until you are done... and you deserve that ... every bit of it.

With much love and admiration......

Connie

[Kohinoor]

Originally Posted by Kohinoor

Looking forward to those GRAND FINALE photos - can't be long now !!!

WOW !!! I was right, wasn't long at all - everyone, if you haven't been to the photo forum yet, RUSH on over !!! Hehe, it'll probably blow YOUR mind too ...


Unbe-bloody-lievable !!! Faithy, WHAT a journey !!

(Time for ME to introduce lemons into my diet.... :P I'm sitting here with a big silly grin on my face as I think back on that journey you've taken, and the goal that you have achieved)

And what a striking new avatar too !!!

Stop bouncing off those walls now, girl - you're wrecking the gyprock !!!



Koh