An outsider's thoughts on "You've lost enough!!"

[Alli]

Wow, this is really a great thread! I have just finished reading it from the very start and I simply can't WAIT for someone to tell me I am too thin! That has never happened before, in my entire life! I have always been the fat girl. I used to get comments from my Aunt's & Uncles along the lines of "It's such a shame. You have such a pretty face, and if you lost weight you could probably be a model. It really is a shame." - A SHAME! Seriously, no wonder it took me forever to want to try to loose the weight.

Obviously, I am extreemely overweight - morbidly obese is the catergory for me I think, but that sounds so nasty - but even the few people I have confided in about just how much I have to loose all turn around and tell me its a bit extreme. My Cohens range is 54-57kg, and most people are telling me I will be fine at 75-80. HELLO??? That is still 20+kg overweight!

Still, I can kinda understand where they are coming from so I can't be too hard on them right? A college of mine is forever on the latest fad diet to shed those extra kilo's when she looks perfectly fine. She is really tall - over 6ft - and only a size 12, but she is always wanting to just loose another 3kg. BC (before cohens) I was like, Why? You look great and who cares! But now I am thinking, if I was only 3kg away from goal I would want to shed those last few too!

As we are taught from the word go on this program, your body will tell you when it has had enough. We just have to remember to listen to our bodies, not other people!

As for the "unhealthy" weight loss, well, isn't being 70kg overweight worse for you? I must admit, I was a bit concerned when researching the program that the speed of weight loss was unhealthy, but we are eating healthy food, not hungry (unless the first few days, or ready for refeed) and we can walk, talk and function, so obviously our bodies can cope!

Essay complete - sorry! It was really meant to be a short post!

[Kohinoor]

Hi Alli,

Essay complete - sorry! It was really meant to be a short post!

No, don't apologise - I think EVERY WORD of what you wrote has importance, and will likely garner response from others who have faced what you have.

You have covered all of the important points in just a few paragraphs, Alli. That is quite a rare phenomenon (I can't do that - I've tried....).

Meanwhile, you keep on showing the way for others (as you have done above) even as you bring your own dreams to fulfillment. A pure win/win !!

Top post, Alli

[louise41]

I was watching something on tv recently and was surprised when they said that when people get married they only want bridesmaids who are bigger than them as then the bride will look better. Perhaps in life people are a bit like this. If we lose too much weight they may feel that they will look bigger beside us and therefore tell us we have lost enough!!!

[Annabelle Joy]

Further to Louise's comment, I read or heard (maybe on this forum) that most people think of themselves as being normal. Once we get to weigh less than them we must be underweight. Also, I suspect they perceive an implied criticism of their weight if we want to keep losing weight when we are already thinner than they are. Alli, overweight BMI is now so common that it is now perceived as being normal, normal weight is perceived as being too thin. It's great the first few times you are told you have lost enough, but gets annoying after a while. You wouldn't be rude enough to tell them they are overweight and need to lose a few kilos.

AJ

[mcpsych]

And the latest research suggests that people who lose weight rapidly actually have greater success both at losing large amounts and maintaining their weight once finished losing
so something else with which to respond to the naysayers

[Annabelle Joy]

That's an interesting fact, Mark, and certainly makes sense to me. It's much easier to lose a lot if you are seeing rapid changes, hence less likely to give up discouraged along the way. It's never made sense to me that someone who loses, say, 12 kgs in six months is any better programmed for long term maintenance than someone who loses 30 kgs in six months. Thanks for that.

AJ

[louise41]

And further to Mark comment (that I have also heard from research) I personally did this program because I knew if I didnt see good losses I would lose my motivation and give up, so the quicker losses were really the key to success for me.

And Im not surprised that others are confused about when enough is enough, I was just thinking yesterday that when dressed I can look in the mirror and see a person with skinnyish arms and legs, I wear size 8 but in my mind I still think of myself as being a "big" person - so no wonder others are also confused, because I think I am too - but improving!!!

[Clarice]

This is an interesting thread, because over the last week I got my first real taste of the "you need to stop now" lecture. I've had it from two sides; my workmates said that I needed to stop, and when another friend saw a random picture on facebook from that day she said I was tiny and then asked how much longer I was going to be on the diet. And I find it incredible, because although I have lost about twenty kilograms from my stabilised weight of before (which was about 85kg), I am still considered overweight by my BMI. I'm inching closer to the normal category (my BMI is about 25.5 right this minute), but...I'm still overweight. Yet already people are telling me I'm fading away. It's quite bizarre.

I do have to admit that I don't like my goal weight -- it's 48-51kg. I really have no intention of getting down that far; my middle-of-the-road ideal weight according to my Wii's calculation of BMI is 54kg, and I think that's where I want to pull the plug. But I have to get there first, and when I do, that's when I'll see how my body feels and looks. Although I also struggle with perception, because I still see myself as fat even though I tried an old skirt on yesterday and found the waistband too large by an alarming amount. And I mean alarming in the "this was TOO SMALL for me once?!" sense. So...yeah. I don't know. In the end it's a personal thing -- our bodies know best, and we're the ones who are learning to listen to them. We just have to keep doing it.

Oh, and I also chose Cohens because of the rapid weight loss -- I'd lose motivation without it. I also investigated it a bit before choosing to do it, and I found that it sounded sensible and doable and healthy, which is the only reason why I am here. And I'm still here because it works.

[Alli]

I totally agree with both Louise and Clarice. Although skeptical of the reported losses achieved on Cohens, it was also a very enticing aspect! Which was why I read everything I could about it before deciding (and put my clinic staff through a gruelling question session!) - I find that I have always lost motivation so quickly when the losses are so small. And once the scales stop moving - well, I suppose you can all guess what happens! Yep, that's right, total 100% flying leap of the bus.

I am pleased to report however, that I was talking to my nutritionist friend last night and explaining the program to her, as best I could, and she was actually really positive about it! She knows a lot about PCOS and insulin resistance, and thinks that this program certainly sounds like it will work. She was also just simply happy that I had finally found something I could commit to. So, when people tell me its unhealthy now, I can just turn around and say, "Well, its written by a Doctor and approved by an independent Nutritionist, so I think I will trust their judgment thanks!"

[louise41]

Everyone is an expert!! But most people never put their expertise to practice. I bet a lot of those people who say "you have lost too much" or "the weight loss is too quick" are overweight themselves and would love to have someone tell them that! The other comment I have had when at size 8 was "but is it sustainable?" I dont try to justify myself and hopefully my body will do the talking on that score!!

[Kohinoor]

Hi Louise,

Woohoo !! I love your thinking:-

"but is it sustainable?"

I dont try to justify myself and hopefully my body will do the talking on that score!!

Absolutely nothing like having the facts putting down an assumption. Rock on Louise, and make that fact so !!

Koh

[louise41]

I am continuing to give it my best shot!!!

[Happy Barb]

What a good thread as I have 10kgs to go and am facing all these suitations. Rearly good thoughts Panda, it has encouraged me

[cathbug]

So many interesting bits to this thread.

I have had the "Now, you're not going to loose anymore???" comments too and they are getting old. Being too skinny doesn't seem to hold the same taboo as being too fat. I feel like I did when I was pregnant - suddenly my body and my health are public property and everyone knows better than me.

The other thing that is starting to grate on my nerves is the "It doesn't even look like you" comment. I understand that I look different but it is still me and I feel like my only distinguishing feature prior to Cohens was my fat. That people only recognised me a first glance by my size - not my smile, hair or eyes or clothes, or voice - "You know Catherine - the big girl".

As I lost weight people worried that my 2 year old would get worried because I wouldn't look like Mama anymore. Of course, that was ridiculous because my sweet boy sees ME! My distinguishing features for him are my smile, my eyes, my voice and my cuddles. I haven't changed at all in his eyes. He actually recognises me in photos from long ago, in which I am very big and look so different. That's pure love!

Pure love - that's what it's all about. - Loving your body and letting it love you back.

My, I have waxed lyrical and for far too long myself. It is nice to get all the icky stuff off your chest to those who get it!

[Kohinoor]

Hi Cathbug,

I was sitting here not knowing whether to smile, or rail at the idiots that seem to have "no bloody idea".....

I chose to smile, particularly after I read this from you :-

As I lost weight people worried that my 2 year old would get worried because I wouldn't look like Mama anymore. Of course, that was ridiculous because my sweet boy sees ME!

Got it in one, Mum - all these people worrying over NOTHING .....

He sees you DAILY, so, as your weight changed, HE KEPT UP with that - you were Mum EVERY DAY, even as you shrank..... Nothing to be "worried about" there.... Sometimes people just like flapping their gums and sounding like "they know better". Fortunately, it is not too hard to realise they are "full of it...."

My distinguishing features for him are my smile, my eyes, my voice and my cuddles. I haven't changed at all in his eyes. He actually recognises me in photos from long ago, in which I am very big and look so different. That's pure love!

Absolutely - and that won't change - EVER !!

Keep putting "nay-sayers" behind you, Cath - that's where they belong - WAY behind you .....

Koh

[louise41]

Cathbug - of course it doesnt look like you any more, there is 43 kgs less of you - what do they expect!!! If they had know you slim then you had put on that amount they could well have said the same thing. You need to say something like "this is the new improved me!" or alternatively you could just smile and say "I know and I love it" Personally I dont feel the need to explain myself and think they are rude if they get too pushy.

[Kirst]

This thread is brilliant!

I've started getting this at work...and even from some of my friends. You should stop now you've lost enough even though I'm still over 20kgs from goal! And I've always wondered why people would say 'it is enough now' when really you are doing a GOOD THING for YOURSELF. What do they care if I'm 'too small'? Or as someone mentioned above, is it the fact that I've always always been the fattie and now I could be the skinny! Jealous/envy....who knows!

But I've found the response that stops pretty much EVERYONE in their tracks when they start on the...you've lost enough now...little road show. I tell everyone...well you don't see me naked do you...clothes hide things very well. THAT stops everyone, because they know it is true.

I've always hidden my weight well with how I dress. So now that I'm doing the same for the size I am right now, of course I look smaller than I was, but look at me naked and you can SEE the weight that still has to shift. If everyone looked at themselves naked in the mirror, there is no doubt in my mind that most people have a problem area that they want to shift, but they hide it when they are clothed.

And I guess...I think Alli said...before when I was bigger my friends who are smaller and said they need to lose weight, I was always like...what why no you don't....but now I think...well maybe they do because it is how they feel. And maybe yeh they are a little bit pudgier than they would like...because now I'm close to their sizes and am feeling the same way. Dropping the kilos puts everything in a totally different perspective!

Kirst

[mcpsych]

Ah well kirst- direct them to my photo album - that should sort them out ( and add years to their therapy hehehahahohohe)

[Never Give Up]

Hi Kirst, all i can say is ENJOY, and I've often found the same thing, I think it makes people uncomfortable seeing you have something they've had for ages and taken for granted (hope that doesn't sound nasty, but that's how I see it sometimes) I wish people would just be happy FOR YOU, not thinking about how it makes them feel. If it prompts them to do something too, we'd be really happy for them. Insecure I guess...

[manuthewok]

Hi Everyone

I am new to Cohens and live in the South Island of NZ. I have been doing Cohens for 10 days now and I am amazed about the fact i only eat about a quater of what i use to eat and I am not even hungry.

I have already had comments from people when I say I have 50kgs to lose and I should be 66kg and most of them make comments like "Oh you dont need to lose that much weight" Well I do is what I tell them but after reading these posts I have decided that maybe it is best I dont tell them my weight as I start to get lower. At this point in time I dont want to tell people my current weight which was 117.3kg 10 days ago and 132kg at my heaviest when i was pregnant 4 months ago and now 112kg which I am so impressed with only weighed myself today for the first time.

I think there is a mixture of reason why people will comment on my weight lose. One will be the like me being the fat one then they look small. There is one person in particular that I cant wait to be smaller than I will not gloat out loud to her but definitely in my head. I have a number of comments made towards my weight by this person over the years who is far from perfect so it will give me some self satisfaction.

I am looking forward to the journey I am embarking on and cant wait to buy clothes from places like glassons or max. Bring it on!!!