Where Am I? - Page 5

KathyG70 · #81 29-07-2015, 07:31

Please don't get sucked into his games!! I have worked in DV (I actaully work in community housing - and we 'specialise' with women coming out of DV) - and I hear this same line they use ... 'I will kill myself if you don't come back - I will change - yadda yadda yadda'. You do'nt want to hear the horror stories I have had to read and type up on behalf of women applying for housing ..... heartbreaking...
As for the suicide - never ever accept that as a reason to return. If they decide to kill themselves - it's by their hand, not yours...EVER!! And make sure he knows this - and that you will never feel any guilt for what he decides to do to himself. If he is thinks he is suicidal suggest he see his GP or get some counselling - you cannot help him if he has mental health issues.
Sorry for the rant - but these men make me so angry - I have dated manipulative men ... and gotten out as quick as I can! Being single is so much better!

Be strong - if you don't want hiim around tell him. If he persists tell him you will call the police - if he persists still - call the police. He needs to know where things stand - and that it's time he moves on. And that you need to move on too.
You deserve a good and happy life - with someone who will cherish you ... and if you can't find that someone - cherish yourself. I'm 45, single, no kids - and I have a great life. I travel, I own my own unit, I go where I please when I please, I have a great job, my fur babies, great friends ..... I am blessed. Life did't work out as I wanted - I did plan on the 2.4kids, house in the suburbs, wonderful husband, great career .... but life isn't about getting everything you want .... or what you think you want

*picks up soapbox and goes off to have breakfast

have a great day

Kathyxxx

**Westiewench** · #82 29-07-2015, 09:27

WOW WAI! I have just read your entire diary from start to now and I take my hat off to you! Well done - also love the support and great words of wisdom spoken by these wise women!
I too was in an abusive relationship for more years then I want to count, only good thing to come out of it was our daughter - well my daughter as he moved to aussie when she was 3 and she is now 15 and he has seen her 3 times - infact he told her via facebook that she was one of his biggest mistakes and how her mother (me) deserved to be cheated on an abused - word for word - my daughter blocked him and thankfully I have a loving hubby that miss 15 refers to as her dad - good luck to the ex who now had 2 more kids in aussie to 2 diff women - gee I pity them!
Anyway - sorry back to you

Don't be so hard on yourself you have come so far in the most trying circumstances and you need to reward yourself and embrace how far you have come

I look forward to continuing reading your progress.
Happy Weds
Westie xx

WhereAmI? · #83 29-07-2015, 09:42

Oh Kathy I hear you, I am so angry, it's a broken record I have seen so many times and I'm furious he stalked me and found where I live but I know the place locks up well so I feel safe and I want to focus on my weight loss as it helps my mind find a calm place so I wont be interested in his games, I'm getting stronger, I love the peace of not having him around and I love my little place! The pig made a stupid excuse to come over again last night to sit and cuddle the animals, I just ignore him and watch tv but he kindly sent me a text last night telling me everything would be ok, damn right it will be you twat, I will never let you control my life or put me down again!!!!!!!
WW I started reading your diary but can't wait to see more, you've done so well and you are on the same journey as me, we can do this ok, if we don't zoom through it like some do, it doesn't matter, it's the journey that counts right!! How lucky are you that your ex did move away, if he hadn't then you would have had a good chance that he would be torturing you even today, my girlfriend has 3 children with her horrid ex, its been 7 years and he is still so evil that he sticks knives in her car tyres and behaves like a pig!!!
I would be mad at myself for veering for 3 weeks during the move but you know what, I can't be bothered, it is what it is, I had a lot on and now I can be selfish- I've heard so many horror stories about manipulative men, don't get me wrong, women can be the same but boy does it cause us damage!! I'm 40 and done with it, who cares about finding my perfect now, there wont be any children (except for fur kids and I'd have a bunch lol) and I'm so damaged I wouldn't know what to do- dating sounds frightening out there haha!!
STILL I have my daily 3 good things I will report on from yesterday

1. Had a great day at work, heaps of energy, no problem following my plan again and got quite a bit done!
2. Got home in time to walk my babies after leaving them outside for the first time since the move EEEK! It was hard, it's cold and my little girl isn't happy about being left out but walking them cheered her up no end!!
3. Weighed up some meals ahead of time and got a bit more organised last night (couldn't be bothered Monday) and just felt overall much better than I have in awhile, I'm going to be ok!!
Overall feeling optimistic that I am back on my plan without any dramas and feeling better for it already!!
Big hugs and kisses to all you wonderful wonderful people, I can't thank you enough, this is meant to be a weight loss journey which unfortunately for me involves the drama of shedding an ex and you guys have been so understanding and supporting, I really can't thank you enough XOXOXOXO

KathyG70 · #84 29-07-2015, 21:41

You are such an amazing lady!! and never forget it!

I love your 3 daily good things too! A great way to reflect and be grateful!

Yes we can do this weight loss thing - we are all over it!! And there are gonna be shitty days .... we are going to have days were we have some chocolate ... a wine ... an awesome party to go to .... life is meant to be enjoyed! As long as we don't go nuts and throw in the towel .... just get back into it as soon as you can ... well thats what I'm trying to do anyway

WhereAmI? · #85 30-07-2015, 09:48

Well you know I will do my 3GTs but first up, my moan lol!! I have endometriosis but as I'm getting older it isn't affecting me for as long so I try to just hang on tight, well, that was me last night and the next few days, so I had some extra crackers and some extra protein in my soup, I wont apologise, I also will say it didn't make me feel better and OMFG within hours my stomach is so swollen and painful and I have a few other issues that come into play that render me on the couch watching tv thinking 'nobody talk to me, nobody look at me, don't even try!!'. Well several painkillers later and its a brand new day, stomach still feels like knives are being scraped down the inside but it's bearable and I'm at work smiling and I don't think people here would be any wiser (unless they make some comment where I snap hahaha). Sometimes being a woman downright sux!!!
BUT I still have 3 good things;
1. I woke up to fur babies who know its too cold for super early morning tooty visit outside so they held on until it was warmer

then we had a play and it's the best way to wake up in the morning, they all run around happy and I can't help but smile!
2. I'm excited to be involved in a submission for a global work award!! I hope my work gets us into the finals, what a feather in my cap!!
3. I am feeling stronger, more confident and there are a few hiccups getting back on track but they are minor, overall I'm feeling healthier and I'm determined to get through this weekend without getting myself into a tizz and sliding down the slippery slope of junk food and booze!!
Hope you are all going well, will sneak on and check out diaries hopefully during the day today xx

V(S)exy · #86 30-07-2015, 16:36

Hi

You've been on quite a journey! The first step always is choosing, I'm glad it looks on track, eish alcohol will so not do you good girl, hope you will some day manage forgetting about that too.

I'm too much of a control freak to booze, can't bear the thought of me not knowing what I did when I was drunk...

Good luck, stay strong, woman are designed like that. Some advice look at www.mindoverplatter.com there are also some lessons to take away from it, look at the " blog" tab, the articles are posted there. PS: the website address the psychological factors during weight loss and good advise.

Vexy

**Westiewench** · #87 31-07-2015, 08:43

Hey WAI - I love the way you own it when you have something you shouldn't - think that is so important - sorry to hear you have been in pain - but love how you love your fur babies - I have 4 cats and 1 dog - not a little dog but a staffy cross I think - no one knows as she was from an organisation called "chained dog awareness" which basically means she had spent her life on the chain - she was raped young and has the scars from being unable to defend herself - upside is the 32kg fur baby thinks she is a lap dog and consistently has to be cuddling with you - her way to show appreciation - our last dog we had had for 16 years until arthritis set in - she was a lil staffy and I swore never to get another one but hey - I am labelled as the crazy cat lady so thought I would mix it up a bit

Good luck on getting that feather in your cap

That would be awesome - fingers and toes crossed!
I hear what you say about booze - most my weekends were spent drinking catching up with friends or partying till 4am then eating the worse foods before heading home from town - so glad it is too cold to go out so its a great time for me to do this and then next time I go out I know Il be feeling on top of the world

Hope you are feeling better today and that you are having an awesome Friday

Westie x

WhereAmI? · #88 04-08-2015, 09:35

Hi Everyone!! Man I'm missing the internet, let me tell you but, it's probably a good thing lol!! I spent 4 day off work sick with a cold but hey, I'd say I needed the rest so I'm feeling better today, back at work with a headache but otherwise I'm feeling ok, slept well and got into work early, wonders will never cease LOL!!
Vexy- alcohol is such an awful part of my life, I am happy to go without it but when I am alone and depressed it sucks me in, only to make me feel worse, its a viscous cycle! I've been given new medication that can damage your liver though so I don't want to make it worse with drinks so I'm staying away from the stuff!!
Westie- I have 3 cats, 2 dogs, they are hard work too!! Little monsters get everything their way but OMG I smile, living alone now reminds me how alone I feel at times but then they are smothering me so I can't help but smile! My little girl dog isn't liking winter weather so she is hiding under the doona not wanting to go outside when I go to work, I haven't the heart to put her out for the day so I just put her out for the toilet then let her climb back in under the doona with a treat and I give her a kiss and figure the sooner I get to work, the sooner I get home to walk my little peanuts!!
My 3 Good things;
1. Didn't take anxiety medication all weekend, yay! Must be finally calming down and getting into a routine!!
2. I blocked his number! I told him he cannot contact me and I will call the police if he turns up!! I did it!! I finally blocked him so I don't have to listen to the 'I'm sorry, let me move in with you and we will work it out' spiel!! Totes proud of myself right now

3. Although my poor angels didn't get their walks they stuck by their mummy while she was sick and I love them soooo much for that!!

KathyG70 · #89 04-08-2015, 21:18

Wonderful news - well except for catching the cold - that kinda sucks! but it gives you time to kick back and rest!

congrats on blocking his number! you are an amazing lady! it's hard to do, but you are looking out for you - which is fabulous!!

WhereAmI? · #90 05-08-2015, 08:52

I need to take it day by day but I find eating my Cohen's food easy so I'm biting the bullet and measuring myself, probably Friday so I can get back in the game, like the doc said, don't put everything into one basket and expect it all straight away (moving, leaving an abusive relationship, trying desperately to lose weight, unpacking and setting up house, working part-time stressed about money blah blah blah!!!) but I have 3 good things everyday and I also want to say I'm sorry for all the drama you are reading but I know it's going to turn around and I will look back and remember how nice it is to have everyone's support xo
My 3 Good Things;
1. I woke up today feeling good! Little Red (my kitten) started the ball rolling by smooching in for cuddles then, seeing the dogs under the doona (it was about 8 degrees) he decided pouncing and attacking them would be fun!! So I woke up laughing and chatting away to my madhouse of animals!! While getting ready I noted how good I felt, for the first time in a long time I'm feeling like we are getting into a routine and things are starting to look better.
2. My boss has recommended me to a company for a job, they are looking for someone like me as I do change management and this site is closing down and I was pretty shocked (well, you know, I've been hopeless this year, exhausted from all the emotional abuse and just so unhappy so I thought for sure I didn't deserve a job, there I go again though, so hard on myself when I know I am good at what I do when I am well and work my backside off when I love my work, I'm passionate about what I do and love it when I'm in the right head space). They are already talking to the other company about me starting with them part-time while I do the handover here, pretty excited, going back to full time work is probably what my head needs right now!!
3. I have an amazing family, I love them so much and I know I have to be strong, mum can't handle the chemo, I just want to make sure they know how much I love and appreciate them because I really do and I wouldn't be getting through all of this without them.
4. I'm sneaking a fourth in today

and it's you guys, without you reading all my babbling and commenting I would probably feel lonely but I don't, one day I hope I can help you out in your time of need, just writing on here is cathartic but having people read about your personal triumphs and tragedies, it's very confronting but also comforting because you know you aren't along and others have walked the same path as you XO

WhereAmI? · #91 06-08-2015, 08:50

Off to a good start this morning, terrible sleep last night but I'm still feeling energetic!! Going to measure myself tomorrow and see where I am at..... EEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!
So my 3 good things are;
1. I produced a first draft for a submission in a global safety award, pretty excited really, what we have done here is amazing and if we even got a recommendation I would be excited but some people who have won in the past think we have a really good chance, what an exciting opportunity!!
2. I feel happy, ike, happy happy, you know, I feel like the weight is finally being lifted and my weight will start coming off because I feel like I have control and I am free!!! In the shower this morning I was listing a number of horrid things my ex had said/ done and was happy, I'm free of it, it's someone elses problem now- am I the only person who reflects on life in the shower? Maybe I'm like you mothers out there, even though I have fur babies, they have to be with me EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!! I mean, EVERYWHERE, but they wont come in the shower!!! It's my little bit of peace

3. I've started new medication to control my anxiety, it's debilitating, except at work, weird I know but it's like you are acting and can be someone else there, they don't know how messed up you are right?!?! Well, they made me sick the first few days (which is normal) but they seem to be settling down and maybe that is why I am feeling better? I know they are meant to take time to start working but I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER, my diary entries over the last month have shown how low I was, now I can see the light at the end of the tunnel

Have an awesome day everyone XO

diana31 · #92 06-08-2015, 16:43

WAI - I'm just heading out the door but I had to leave a comment.... That post above made me smile!!!!

You are obviously a hell of a woman who is taking control back in your life!! I don't know you but I almost felt proud of you reading that...

Taking the meds will just enhance that feeling and re align the neurons in your brain to move forward into positive connections which will heal your anxiety - you will get you back without that %&*# weighing you down.

Good for you!!

Andie27 · #93 07-08-2015, 11:43

Hey WhereAmI. I'm so happy for you sweetie. You're going from strength to strength and documenting your journey has inspired many of us. I'm a big fan of yours and have followed you from the beginning. I've seen you battle some major issues and come out the end of it a whole lot wiser. You're family must be so proud of you darling, I am. I can't wait to hear more about your journey. I'm glad to have you as my support too. Have a great weekend babe. hugs Andie xoxo

WhereAmI? · #94 09-08-2015, 09:56

Great to see you back Andie, hope you are feeling better!! Oh and Diana, as I get better my weird humour will be coming back, yay! To laugh again, it's fantastic!!
I'm still slowly unpacking, very frustrating, then again, it helps me uncluttered my mind I suppose..... I've got to take my fur babies for a walk soon, no avoiding it but I'm in a pickle, while the doc has given me mess that seem to have me feeling amazing they come with one problem....... And it's weird......... See if any of you get this ok? You have heard of restless legs right? Well, I am tired at night and just as I must be bout to fall asleep my elbows, wrists, knees and ankles start twitching, it's driving me insane!! It keeps me awake for hours!! Apparently it will pass, so now I've got to take tablets to help me sleep, not happy!!! Feel like I'm just pumped up on drugs, I hope this won't be for long......
Any who, my 3 good things!!
1. I'm broke, 80 cents in my account..... Now normally I'd be stressed, anxious and a mess but this time, I'm fine, it's going to be ok and as long as my babies have food, I don't care, I'll find enough for me to get by in the freezer and we have a cute little house that I get to focus on this weekend so I'm good

we are blessed

2. Spoke to someone about some extra work (more money, YES PLEASE!!), they've approached my boss before me to make sure it was ok, then spoke to me, that's weird but then again, they've seen my work in this role I suppose no know i will do the job!! As Jerry would say 'SHOW ME THE MONEY' lol
3. This weather is beautiful, how lucky am I to be living in a gorgeous area where we walk round acreages and get lots of fresh air!!
Enjoy your Sunday everyone xx

Tes · #95 10-08-2015, 02:08

Hey WAI good luck with those legs ive had it once its so uncomfortable. At least if u take the sleeping pill you can get your 12 hours sleep in! Goid luck

WhereAmI? · #96 11-08-2015, 12:34

Well I'm still broke but kids are fed so all is well in the world

I'm back at work and have some work to do, yay!!!!!!
My 3 good things;
1. I'm flying to Sydney for an interview for the role I spoke about last week, please can they see me for what I am capable of, I'm ready for a challenge and know I can do whatever gets thrown my way!
2. I'm so proud of my efforts on the weekend, I unpacked the boxes remaining in the house (I have heaps more in the garage but the house is small so organising the garage is another job!). My house is organised, I'm really happy it's de-cluttered!
3. I keep getting white feathers flying across my path, I know it's my guardian angel telling me everything will be ok, it makes me smile because it just seems that in the past 2 weeks they keep coming my way!! I know I have money problems and I know things have been stressful but they are watching over me and things are going to get better and better, I know it!!

Andie27 · #97 11-08-2015, 12:39

Oh wow. Babe. That's awesome. It is your guardian angel and well done for picking up on their loving messages. All you have to do is ask and you shall receive. As an Earth Angel myself, I have been watching over you working silently in the background with the others. Enjoy my darling, for you are blessed and loved.
Hugs Andie 😉

WhereAmI? · #98 11-08-2015, 13:03

Thank you so much Andie, I can't wait to be in a position to start returning the favor to everyone who has been so kind to me during this time, I am feeling so blessed

Andie27 · #99 11-08-2015, 14:33

Mwah 💋

KathyG70 · #**100** 13-08-2015, 09:11

Good luck with your interview WAI!!!
I have been off for a few days from the forum - great to see you so positive!!
Love the angelic signs - so comforting aren't they!
Can't wait to hear more wonderful things coming your way!

Kathyxxx