Vees Diary

[thenewvee]

Yesterday I slipped up badly. I'm still trying to understand why, but all that I have come up with so far is that I've been fighting the old demons quite vigourously over the past month, and as the pressure is growing for me at the moment with health and study issues etc, I'm not coping well with them, and so yesterday I had a bit of a meltdown and the old habits re-emerged with a vengence.

All I can say is that I've drawn my line last night, and it is on with the program and it means that I will have to be even more vigilant about those old habits, and keep working just as hard at changing my thinking. I felt really resentful again yesterday, about it not being fair that I cannot eat whatever I want, and it took me a fair while to turn that around. I think part of it is because I would really have liked to be finished by Christmas, as my mother will be visiting from overseas this Christmas, and I think this will be the last Christmas I'll be able to celebrate with her.

Reflecting on the events of yesterday, I realise now that there have been things on my mind, so I did not recognise the triggers of my slip up in time to implement distraction strategies. Whilst food shopping, the penny didn't drop when I was buying food for my son to eat, which was really stuff that I wanted to be eating!! Looking back on it, I now see it clearly and how silly it was, but at the time, I was oblivious. So one action that is getting implemented is having a strict shopping list and only getting what is on the list!

I think another part of the problem for me, is that I'm not having much faith in myself of being able to get to the end of this journey, even after all that I've achieved, and that is what has surfaced in the form of self-sabotage and old habits. So I also need to work on that.

I'm not going to beat myself up about this slip up, as I reckon I've learnt some more valuable lessons from it, the main one being that you can never slack off being vigilant of not falling back into old habits. It's going to to take quite some practice to get on top of those so that they eventually become easier and easier and are then not a problem at all.

Thanks so much for your visits and kind words, Mette, Shell, Katie, Lulabelle, Shanara, Louise, Koh and Jens Mum! It's thanks to your wonderful support that I've been able to pick myself up, dust myself off, draw the line and move on forward again. I just don't advise making life so difficult for yourself in the way that I did, but I'm learning all the time to deal with these lessons.

I'm seeing the doctor this afternoon again, so will see what comes of that, whether there are any valid reasons etc for headaches etc. I missed my optometrist appointment yesterday too, due to a mix up with times, so I've rescheduled it for another time.
I hope you are all doing well!

Vee

[sirroco]

Hi Vee
One of the things I'm learning is that there is always more to learn about yourself and sometimes the way the lesson gets delivered leaves a lot to be desired but that's often when you learn the most. Perhaps not thinking about food so much since I've been on cohens has given me plenty of time to come to a few realisations of my own particularly about how much I had put my life on hold because of my weight.

You will get there. Stay focussed.

[hexi2]

Oh Vee

I relate to so much of what u posted and I still do buy things for my kids or encourage them to eat things I really want to eat!

And your thought process about 'its not fair' happened to me when I first finished Cohens...that took me a few months to work through....so its normal and don't beat yourself up about it.

Onwards and downwards....all the best to you

[bruni]

Hi Vee..big kisses for the motivation in your PM - it's changing totally the mind thoughts and stop punishing ourselves..draw that line as you said and get over it..onwards and upwards - no more excuses..

chookers

[Mette]

You picked yourself up, you learned and you moved on. That's what matters I'll be here with you all the way, pretty lady!

[thenewvee]

Thanks so much Sirroco, Hexi, Bruni and Mette!

Today I seemed to go ok. Had no trouble getting right back on plan and sticking to it. Even refused a chocolate fudge brownie! Glad that wasn't offered yesterday!!! I know I've set myself back a week or so, so will just keep plodding on with it! It will be interesting to see what the scales do. Today I was the same as yesterday.

On the headache front, all the tests have come back clear, nothing to indicate what could be causing the headaches, all the tests results were normal. So can only put the headaches down to ongoing stress, and maybe trying to achieve too much! I'll just get past this exam next Wed, and then I'm letting it all go!! I can't wait! (The study, I mean and all the extra stresses).
Hopefully then the headaches will all settle down etc and I'll be feeling a lot better as well! Mostly I'm hoping I'll get better and longer sleep at night!!

Vee

[Mette]

So glad that your tests were clear, Vee! And it's great that you didn't have any trouble getting back on the horse! Now it's full steam ahead! You and me are gonna finish together! I've decided this...

[louise41]

Im pleased to hear your tests are clear Vee, thats great news. Sorry to hear you were having difficulties yesterday, but the good thing is that you have learnt from them and are moving forward again- we are only h uman. Remember its not waht happens to us but what we do with it and you turned it into a learning experience and moved forward - good on you, we are all susceptable and Im glad the brownie wasnt offered yesterday.

[thenewvee]

You're on, Mette!!!

If need be, we'll drag each other to the finish line!!!

Giving you a great big, weight dropping shove!!!

Vee

[Mette]

[katiefrank70]

Oh Vee,

Your post about yesterday's blowout made me sad. I'm really glad you see what it is all about and taking steps to fix it. I can so relate to what you wrote.

I'm hoping all is going well now, and that you are back with a vengance.

I'll help drag you to finish line with Mette. Hold on for the ride

Katie

[Shanara]

Hi vee



Glad to see your not beating yourself up over the DV. I remember AJ saying - all's not lost if you learn from it.

hey I'm really impressed that you have been able to put it behind you and get straight back on the programme. Good tip about the shopping list. I am really trying not to go to a supermarket yet or even in the shopping centre - as I can feel the pull for a coffee.

Getting our heads right is an important part of this journey - and not just for the loss but for the vital part of maintaining the loss.

Go Vee - sprinting for the finish line -
not doing it alone

Blessings
Shanara

[thenewvee]

The scales showed a 400g gain this morning. It was expected! I'll just have to be 100% to drop it and get on with this business of getting to goal. Yes, I'm disappointed I've set myself back a week, but also proud I've got right back up and on the program again and I'm not giving up!

Thanks so much Mette, Katie and Shanara! Your support and encouragement is invaluable, and this journey would be that much harder without it!

It's Melbourne cup today, and of course they are doing all these lunches etc at work. I'm still taking my own, and I won't be betting, but will have a look-see. It's been so long since I've participated in a work Melbourne cup day!

Hope everyone has a great day!

Vee

[Mette]

Melbourne Cup day... We never really did anything for it at my previous work place... and today I'm going to school. There'll only be 2 or 3 of us there, but hey, we'll be getting exam hints

The extra 400 grams will be gone in no time, don't you worry! You're back on the horse so it can only get better!

[TwoZeds]

Hi Vee, just read your last couple of posts and I am glad you are picking yourself up and dusting yourself off. Like they say: better to get back on the horse rather than get trod into the ground. I know I'd rather be on the horse...wouldn't you???

You are doing a great job Vee. Keep going mate. The finish line is there, we just can't see it yet.

[shrinkingTam]

Vee - like everyone said to me last week when I deviated, the best thing to do is learn from it and move on.... and it seems like you are determined to do just that

It's always going to be hard to resiste the temptations, but we deserve to be happy and healthy, and that's why we are on this program

I was at a fully catered workskop today, and took my lunch too I passed up a beautiful meal, and had my cheese and crackers with cucumber and a peppermint tea.... so here's to us!

Right here with you all the way!

Tam
xx

[louise41]

HI Vee, I hope that Melbourne cup day went well. We watched it on the big screen at home and had some fresh seafood so it was nice and relaxing. I hope that 400gms is gone in no time!

[thenewvee]

I'm pretty happy today as the 400g have gone again. At the same weight again as on my ticker.

Thanks for all your support and encouragement, Mette, TwoZeds, ShrinkingTam and Louise.
Yes, I learned a heap from Sunday's fiasco! I definitely have to manage my stresses better so that they don't all overwhelm me at once. Stresses of any kind are sneaky things though, and it creeps up on you while you are so unaware and then BAM!! it's got ya!

I've been back on track 100% and even survived son and partner bringing home KFC for their dinner. I'm not that keen on it anyway, but the smell is so pervasive!

That's all I've got for today!

Vee

[Mette]

Yeah, KFC is too greasy and yucky for me, but the smell of it still makes my mouth water! I'm so glad that the extra 400 grams are gone again! Onwards and downwards!
Stay strong and keep smiling, pretty lady, and thanks heaps for all your support!

[thenewvee]

Not much news today. Weight still the same.
I've been working hard at work and just getting as much rest and sleep as I can in between, the usual daily grind.
Next week I have my very last exam, so it is study time for me from this weekend up until Wed evening, then FREEDOM!!!! I can't wait. I've taken a couple of extra days off work to just relax and recuperate!
I've got a funeral to attend tomorrow, Friday, one of my partner's family members, so that will be a bit sad.

Hope everyone is doing well weight loss wise!!

Vee