How can I help another with weight loss?

[Kohinoor]

Hi,

A particular friend of ours (wife and me) could do with the blessing of Cohens. A month or two back, I gave them the link to this forum. They thanked me, but have not (AFAIK) done any more toward helping themselves.

So, as I am one who has never personally faced an over-weight problem, I may be "missing something". Do any of you have any suggestions for persuading this person further?

Or is it simply "They'll come when they are ready?" (thoughts about "leading a horse to water" and all that are crossing my mind...)


What is the "sizzle"? I've heard over the years "Sell the sizzle" - so, just WHAT is the sizzle for all of you who have done Cohens?

e.g. Is it
1. the "feel good" factor of being able to buy off-the-rack clothes?
2. the knowledge that you have contributed to your future health?
3. the "lightness" after dropping a "bag of cement or two" in weight?
4. the extra energy you now have?
5. the admiring looks that you have thought you would never see again?
6. the absolute CERTAINTY of the program
7. I dunno ..... so please tell me
8. perhaps "all of the above" (except 7. )

I would love to be able to invite/cajole/coerce(?) this friend into what seems to be an almost infallible way of shedding extra weight.

How/what can I say/do to entice this person to "come along"?

Sorry, but the thoughts are flooding in, so I'll just put them down, then leave it to you...... Is there a feeling of "Oh, I'll NEVER lose this weight, so it is not worth even trying?" Or "I don't want to start, as I'd never forgive myself if I fail?" Or "I can't afford it, but if it were free, I'd do it?"

I am just at a loss on how to further help this friend. Asy, your input particularly would be useful - as they are faced with much the same challenge you were (weight-wise). I'd love to see them looking like you do now in (say) a year from now.

The thoughts/questions keep flooding in, but I think you have the general idea, so I'll leave it to all of you for now.

Thanks in advance,

Kohinoor

[baloo]

I feel it's a bit like trying to quit smoking.

When you are really ready to be determined, committed and mentally strong enough to get on a program like Cohen's, you will.

I'm not sure that you can do much more than point in the right direction and let your friend decide if they want to do it or not. As a fatty (soon to be ex-fatty), nothing put me off someone more than trying to "help" me lose weight. A bit like people who have never smoked trying to tell me the best way to quit.

[asy]

Ditto what Baloo said.

Before I was ready to lose the weight no-one could have told me how or what to do. In fact I was convinced that weight loss programmes were all a crock of... well, you know...

I would get offended when people, especially people without a weight problem, would tell me what to do or how to do it. I was convinced that being overweight was 'unhelpable'. Couldn't be helped, it wasn't my fault, it was just how I was.

I know better now, but it took a bit of a sledge hammer.

It's not something you can 'push' (for want of a better word) someone in to.

It really is the lead a horse to water thing, but even softer than that, you have to point the way to the water and let the horse lead itself.

You've done that. Leave it at that. Unless they ask for more info.

asy

[Kohinoor]

Hi Baloo and Asy,

Thanks, people - these two comments are particularly useful:-

Originally Posted by Baloo

nothing put me off someone more than trying to "help" me lose weight.

Originally Posted by Asy

you have to point the way to the water and let the horse lead itself.

You've done that. Leave it at that. Unless they ask for more info.

I put off (for a long while) even broaching the subject with "A" - but it kept plaguing my mind, as I'd seen Kristine's SS thread, then found THIS forum, and you were all doing SO WELL with the task !! In the end, I just HAD to email A and point to the links, with a few encouraging words.

I was NOT sure of the kind of reply I'd get from A - but I felt I couldn't hold back on the information, when I knew it would help so much. Fortunately, the reply was positive, and not "narky" at all (whew!!). But now, it's up to them ..... as you say.


Asy, that other thought (bring the "water" closer, like to our place when A is there) is worth consideration. But not right now - we'll talk again of this, later (and thanks),

Regards,

Kohinoor

[lessfatty]

I agree with what the others have said, "A" must really really want it, want it "BAD", be internally motivated. If they do it for others then as soon as they get sick, tired or otherwise they will say "its the diet, it is not right for me, I knew I couldnt lose weight as I have a naturally fat body". To be honest most of us have had some kind of "wake up call" forcing us to take action to lose weight, there is a big difference in behavior between a "want" and "must"! Once the "must" is there then the solution to how is "Cohen"

[Kohinoor]

Another gem !!

Originally Posted by Lessfatty

most of us have had some kind of "wake up call" forcing us to take action to lose weight, there is a big difference in behavior between a "want" and "must"!

Thank you, LF - it's certainly appreciated,

Regards,
Kohinoor

[Peter 14.7]

I agree.

Sometime the most organised person simply has not got around to putting losing weight to top of the list. there can also be emotional issues that are nothin to do with food intake but self esteem, confidence and fear.

Good Friends of mine tried to help ( aka lecture) me. I said when I get around to it. At the time is was not number one prioirty for me. They could not understand that.

The person A needs to have made the decsion that

1. I am not happy (some chubby people are happy being so)
2. I want to change ( some are unhappy but dont want to give up the other happiness such as food)
3. I am going to do it now. ( the right time)

FYI Peter

[heavenlylamb]

For me, I needed to wait until the time i "believed" I could lose weight. I struggled emotionally with a sense of failure of not losing weight, despite trying just about every weight loss program known to mankind! So, I knew that I didn't want to start a program and fail. I needed to be successful.....
So I think, as others have said, its better not to push. If its the right thing to do, the person will also hear about it from other people, or see an ad in the paper, and all the little prompts will add up to a big prompt, and it will be the right time.
Pen

[Ecogirl]

I was exactly like HeavenlyLamb. My mum was obsessing about me losing weight and every week she would ask had I lost anything - even when I told her a million times I was not trying to lose weight (preCohens).

I had to be really committed in order for me to be successful. If I had tried this program at my Mum's insistance I would have failed since I wasn't committed.

I had to do it for myself and only start when I was ready. Mum is now looking to do the program with Dad because of my success.

I would suggest that you have provided the info - they know where to go if they are interested and if they don't bring it up again that may suggest to you that they aren't ready for it. Patience is required from you since it is so hard watching people live their life a certain way when you know it's doing them damage - but it's part of their life journey.
Amanda