An outsider's thoughts on "You've lost enough!!"

[Kohinoor]

Hi all, that frustrated mathematician is at it again :P

Over time, I keep hearing people being concerned about friends saying "You've lost enough - stop now!"

But hey, let's turn it around ....

It struck me (I've been around a wee while now, and read A LOT of posts) that there may be a rather obvious (yet over-looked) answer as to WHY do others keep saying this. I'll endeavour to keep it brief (an achievement in itself if it's possible )

The BFO (Blinding Flash of the Obvious) hit me as the number of photos grew on here. I was seeing photos of people who look REALLY GOOD who were not yet at their goal weight. Some were 5Kg away - some were 10KG or even more - yet, they looked pretty damn good to me.

My BFO was this (or, more, a combination of these):-

1. Even if the posters may have a few niggles re "that flappy skin on the thighs" or "the slight belly when seated" or "arms are still a bit big", when your journey is down to "the last 10Kgs" that means you are also down to "the last 30cms" - near enough? Now, that 30cms is "spread around" - maybe 6cms waist, 10cms hips, 6cms chest/bust, 3cms arm, 5cms thigh. Not overly HUGE numbers, eh?

But wait, there's more - let's take that arm - with 3cms to go, that means the Diameter has only 1cm to go (thanks to pi) so, to the observer, this person might be 1 cm more than normal .... huh? Look around, and in a group of 10 people, you'll see 2 - 4 cms difference - JUST because of body type and/or fitness levels - even if all 10 were at a healthy weight and stature.

So, even if YOUR arm appeared to be 1cm larger than someone else, WE would hardly be thinking of you as "still fat"!! Or your hips 3cms larger, or waist 2cms over - that's what WE see (but YOU see those numbers multiplied by 3.14159 or therebouts). What WE see are TINY numbers people (1, 2, 3cms - a mere nothing).

So, even if YOU (with the tape measure, the fire in the belly, 10Kg to go, Santa's plan, and the bottle of water ) are seeing larger numbers, MOST of us observers see WAY LOWER numbers when looking at you - in short, YOU LOOK GREAT, WAY before you finish your journey.

Mathematically speaking:-
YOU see your circumference (the tape measure) but WE see your diameter !! And your circumference will always be THREE TIMES as big a number than what we see as observers. THIS may be a part of why YOU still see "so much to go" while we see "looking good".


2. I can only speak for me, but I see people via their face primarily - and it seems on this plan, the face is one of the earlier areas to lose the weight (my opinion only). Maybe that is not true - but the face seems to "come right" even when you are 20+ Kgs from "the end" - sure, you are correct if you "aren't quite happy yet" and have the right to go on.

But, poor old me (and maybe your Mum and Dad), are thinking you are "about right" WAY ahead of your goal weight. Could be those skin tones, the cheek bones, the happy look in your eyes, the missing double chin, the confident projection of YOU showing in that face of yours. Whatever it is, your face and eyes are your window to the world - and if they are looking their best, many other "failings" get over-looked (like that 2cm too big waist ... )

Of course, with my experience gleaned from all of you, there's NO WAY that I would say "Don't go lower" as I understand you at a level most don't get to see. But your poor old Mum, or Dad, or others are seeing you through those "diameter" eyes - and you are looking so good to them.


3. Following on then, their "don't go lower" may come from:-
a. seeing you "looking great" and not wanting to see you lose it
b. seeing some of the loose skin (that YOU know will tone AFTER you finish and can hit the gyms again)
c. some say "the hair falls out" - is Mum getting paranoid about this (even though YOU know it'll all come good at the end too)
d. disturbing "weight" experiences with others (friends or off-spring of friends with anorexia issues)?
e. having heard "enough" about this diet plan (sorry, but for some it may be valid) - maybe THEY need a break.....

Hehe - so much for "keeping it brief" - I hope some thoughts were useful though.

Koh

[kase]

I think you make a very valid point and I know I am far more criticial of myself than anyone will ever be.

I guess its just a matter of accepting that you dont think you need to lose anymore and moving on from that until you reach a point when you are happy with yourself.

[asy]

Koh, that IS brief for you! hehe

Seriously, though, it's amazing and VERY sage, as usual.

asy

[Andy46]

Koh - You are so right - My own Mum who I do not see regularly and who for the last 40 years has spoken to me about my weight - is now constantly telling me that I am not eating enough and that I have lost enough weight "for now" - yet when I was 100 kg previously - many years ago maybe - but Mum was constantly on my case to loose the weight - I still have way more to go (70 kg) but my mother just sees the new happy me (@99kg)and the new shirts maybe and the change and reacts to the new me thus far from the old fat bloke she looked at 6 months ago - I also think that the big loose over a such a short period - really makes people notice more and see a sudden change - The funny thing I am finding is that as well as my weight lose - my beard lose is the same - the people who only have known me with a beard for 20 years suddenly comment about it - yet others who I have not seen for a while and who knew me without a beard for a similar amount of time - don't notice - and one old friend actually asked if I did I have a beard - and I only saw her 6 months ago.

Thanks Koh !!!!!!

Have a good one


Andy

[Faithy]

Ahhh yes!!!! Awesome post Koh.. & so very true.. I have even contemplated telling everyone how much I weigh, maybe that will shut them up, but I doubt it..
You rock!!!!

[Pudge]

You are so right Koh again. I see what others are saying about the "you've lost enough it is time to quit" So I have started to tell them my weight. Then they are like"NO WAY" But you don't look it. Well what can I say that is what my scales say.

I can really understand it now since I tryed on a couple of show tunics I bought in Dec. they were pretty snug and I thought well I will have to resell them. I put them on this am and they fit way better and the scales have only went down a pound since I got them.

I said before if I lived in Kentucky where everyone seen me all the time thin, they would just say "You look normal again" Where here people have only known me fat. So now they are thinking I am looking to thin.

[Sezi]

You are so very right Koh! I know that I still have a long way to go and I am more committed than ever to get down to the bottom range of my goal weight. My Mum is one of the main factors to me finding Cohens many people on her staff have done it and she has seen what a transformation that it has made in their lives. What i don't get now is that although I have lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time, she doesn't see it and makes comments like I think that you should stop at around 90kg (mind you that is about what she weighs at the moment) I think that you will look fine then. I don't want to be fine, I want to be healthy and I want to regain my life. A lot of people in my family also say things along those lines like when you get under 100kg you should stop.

It is funny what people class as being "alright" Under 100 I am still overweight and I am still putting my health at risk, I know compared to where i was anything will look "alright"

[Annabelle Joy]

I mentioned to my consultant yesterday that a lot of the members had commented that they were told it was time to stop by family/friends before they reached their goal weight. She said that it had happened to her, and that people started to say it once she weighed less than they did. Knowing that, I can now think of a couple of friends who I'm certain will tell me it's time to stop when I look thinner than they do. Pudge, I carry a lot of my weight on my hips and legs (upper and lower). I find people (even doctors) are surprised that I weigh as much as I do. Knowing that, I won't be surprised if I start to get hungry again before I reach my goal, but I'm aiming for it.

AJ

[Kohinoor]

With a lot of new readers on here, it's time for a "bump" methinks !!

Koh

[Time4Me]

Koh,

Im so glad you gave this a bump, I found it very interesting reading. I still have a long way to go, but having lost 20kgs in 6 weeks I am already getting comments from people that I have lost enough, I just ask them if they are blind I am still EXTREMELY overweight.. I often wonder what is going through their minds??, while I am fat do I make them feel better about themselves because they are smaller than me??, am I threatening that safe feeling for them by losing more weight??, or is it that they just dont like to see someone else succeed and take control of their life because it just makes them realise how little control they have over their life???. I have had several people now tell me that I am inspiration to them as I have quit smoking, quit drinking and lost 20kgs in such a short time, and those people are also looking to improve their lifestyle now too, but on the other end of the scale I have had one person in perticular tell me she no longer wanted to know how I was doing as it just make her feel lazy ( this is NOT a friend, but a relative by marriage). I wonder what she will be saying and thinking when I lose another 20kgs and then another 20kgs and then ANOTHER 20kgs.. I have a long way to go to reach goal, but Ill get their through my own determination and "selective" hearing.
This is my journey and I will walk it with head held high right to the very GOAL weight I want to be at, not a weight that everyone else thinks I look good at, cause if that were the case I would have never started the program to start with as my hubby, mother, kids, friends tells me all the time I am beautiful the way I am.

Cheers Barb ~!

[bitten]

great post KOH, as always...
and barb...wonderful post, too. you sound great & 20k in 6 weeks is OUTSTANDING!!!!

bitten

[asmara]

Am so pleased to have found this thread and some of the things mentioned by Koh and Barb ring so true for me too! I have been on the programme for 6 days now and was and have had a number of comments made by family members and friends.
A girlfriend of mine (who has always been skinny) asked me why I didnt want to eat the cheesecake she was serving up when I was over. I only had a BLACK decaf coffee only and after I told her what I was doing she said that I was too nice to put myself through this programme! - What did she mean...Nice ?? she just doesn't get it! Then another icing on the cake was that she hoped that I would still be fun when we go out as I was no fun at the moment!
I know it's still early days and am sure I will get many more of these but an alarm bell rang off inside me and I realised that I dont' want to be the entertainer to make others feel good about themselves as I am doing this programme as a complete lifestyle change for me. I love how I am feeling at the moment, and you know what, if I turn out to be boring company for some because I am no longer any "fun" anymore so be it. I am moving on for me and that's the way it is from now on. Yes, it's time to be selfish and do things for me for a change. I have been a carer for my disabled father for the last 17 years and will continue to do so but am realising that all the "padding" that I have built up over these years has to go and I want to truly fly again! The real me is up for this momentus challenge and I'm raring to go!

[TwoZeds]

Oh Asmara,

You don't need friends like that. You need helpful, encouraging, supportive friends!! What planet is this girl from! As if changing your entire life's eating is not hard enough already.

Yesterday I went to a Tupperware party and my friend made me a cuppa. She put milk in it. I sat there for a minute and then though no, I am not going to bugger this up with such a little thing. So I took it back and she apologised and said she would have it. I was glad I said something, because next time, what if the same thing happened!!

[rakkiizoon]

My Mum tells me this is enough and my Dad says I may become anorexic (I told him 'No way!').

After I introduced to my mum there is something called 'refeed', the first thing she ask whenever i come back from a blood test or consultation is 'Did they give you the refeed? Can you eat more now?!'

[Kristine..]

My twist on this is starting the program again

The few people I have mentioned it to have looked me over and said 'Oh, you dont need to lose any weight', or 'How much do you want to lose?' and when I have said 15 kilos, the immediate reaction is 'No!'

Considering that I weighed 60 kilos for nearly a year after finishing the program, and last week weighed 75 kilos, I certainly do want - and need - to lose 15 kilos

I think the observation that people who weigh more than me (whether going up or coming down) are somewhat challenged by the committment to lose weight - and the confidence that I can and will lose the weight - has merit

When we are obese it is easy to convince ourselves that 'there is nothing which can be done about it'

On Cohen's, we know that there is most definitely something which can be done about it, and we are doing it

The fact that, on Cohen's, we are happy, we are in control, we are not moaning about we 'cant eat this', or we 'can't eat that' undermines the popular notion that losing weight is hard, difficult, miserable or impossible.

I make a point of telling people how easy it all is, and how lasting the results are

Anyway, whether going up to 75 kilos of coming down past 75 kilos, the end result is the same:

I want to weigh my own personal weight. I really don't care what anybody else weighs - my closest personal friend has been overweight (very) all her life and she isn't challenged by my desire to weigh less. She has tried every diet (except Cohen's) and now has health issues which would bar her from Cohen's even if she was interested in losing weight now, which she isn't.

When I had finished the program previously, a friend said quite sternly 'Well, don't lose any more weight'. If I had said to her 'Well, don't put on any more weight or else you'll burst!' she would have been upet and offended, but she used to be a dainty size 10 and is now about a size 18 and round like a barrel, but it's her choice, just as it's my choice to be the weight I want to be.

Funny how we can 'turn the other cheek', isn't it. I can take her comments without any wish to make a sharp retort. I suppose people like to think that they are protecting us, when really they are just reinforcing their comfort zone.

Cheers
Kristine

[Ronky]

This post is just what I have been thinking. I had this a few times over the weekend. I saw a few people for the first time since starting. When I said I still had 20 to go they were shocked and told me that I didnt need to go that far. The responce would always be "Just see how you are after another 10 Im sure it will be enough then we can go to (insert beautiful restaurant here)" I then had a nutritionist say that she hated my program and it was so unhealthy and that I would have heaps of issues when I finished. She told me to get off it now and that she would design an eating plan for the rest of the weight. I even lied to her and told her I was losing less a week than I am but she still thought it was too much. I just smiled and changed the subject. Its amazing how much people like to talk about your weight.

[louise41]

When I look at the size of the clothes I am wearing now it would be easy to see why people would say I have no more weight to lose, but like so many others at this point I only need to go to my body and I can see the places that I still have some fat to move. I was doing this just tonight, looking to see where I still need to reduce and the funny thing was that instead of feeling upset that it was there I felt excited because I know this is working and I know it is just a matter of time until it is gone. It is nice to be on a program that gives you that sort of confidence.

Great thread Koh

[Kohinoor]

Three months down, it's time for another bump.

Do add YOUR thoughts re how YOU handle those "You've lost enough" comments......

The thoughts are valid - from BOTH sides - I hope this thread has helped you see that.....

Koh

[Annabelle Joy]

I'm convinced that because people are used to seeing us large, they see us as being too thin well before we would be too thin. They don't seem to comment in the same way about people who have always been thin.

I now respond in terms of my BMI. While it was still above 25 I told them I still had a BMI that classified me as overweight. Now I tell them what it is and point out that it's at the higher end of the normal range, and that therefore I am definitely not underweight.

AJ

[Ronky]

AJ I am so with you on your theory. I was talking to my sister about it on the weekend. she is 15 kgs smaller than me at the moment and has never had anyone tell her that she is too thin (there was that time when she fgot to a size 6 and could hardly walk but that is another story and was a looong time ago.) I say this to people and they dont believe me. when I stand next to other friends and show them I am still bigger they tell me that Im not meant to be a size 10.

I now just ignore it and keep on my merry way. When the weight is off for a year they will forget I was ever big and I will then be "normal" to them

Cheers